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Old 02-18-2021, 06:26 PM   #1
Whereto52
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Default Not being myself with others

Hey,

So I have been thinking a lot about this lately. About how people always talk so freely with others even when they are not the most extroverted person.

I came to the conclusion that people can talk easier because they are able to express who they are without being afraid to show who they are.

Everytime I am with other people I usually tend feel trapped. More in the sense of how to act or what to talk about.
While others sometimes act childish or hurtful or arrogant or etc. I am always paying attention to not appear wierd or boring.

And that is probably the problem. Always wanting to act in the most appealing way. Or socialy accepted way.

Though I am not sure as to what the reason for that problem is. About why I am not as open as other people. To act how I actually would instead of acting like it is expected by others.

So my question is, what you did or what you do, so that you don't feel caged by social interactions.
Does anyone have a tip on how to act and speak more freely with friends, family or strangers? Or what the reason for this behaviour could be?
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Old 02-21-2021, 05:18 PM   #2
Skeezyks
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Smile Re: Not being myself with others

Thanks for sharing your concerns. I'm afraid I don't have much of anything to offer in the way of advice or solutions, although I certainly can relate to what you wrote. (In my case, it has driven me to become an almost total recluse.) In my case, however, I think I pretty-much know what the basis for my own social anxiety is... or at least I think I do.

The only suggestion I would have for dealing with the social anxiety you experience would be to perhaps become involved with some club or organization that would help you learn to speak more freely. (Of course the current pandemic situation makes this a challenge at present.) In the U.S. there used to be (I assume there still is) one organization called: "Toastmasters" where members develop public speaking skills. Perhaps something such as that might be beneficial if such a thing exists where you live? I don't know. It's just a thought. My best wishes to you though.
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Old 02-21-2021, 05:31 PM   #3
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Default Re: Not being myself with others

I wish I could help with that. I知 a longtime people pleaser because it痴 how I learned to avoid conflict growing up with emotional abuse. It really sucks. I feel like I need to censor myself, but I also overshare about certain things, too. I致e found people often take advantage of these qualities. While I used to feel free to share some things I知 interested in or excited about, now I知 afraid to talk to anyone at all. I知 worried that I値l let people into my life who just want to use me or hurt me in some way. When I was younger and naive to this possibility, I was much more trustful of most people. I think the key to opening up and just being yourself is to truly value who you are and stop worrying what others think. I wish that were as easy as it sounds. Not really sure how to get there at this point. I know it helps to have healthy boundaries that are neither too weak or too strong.
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Old 02-22-2021, 06:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: Not being myself with others

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Thanks for sharing your concerns. I'm afraid I don't have much of anything to offer in the way of advice or solutions, although I certainly can relate to what you wrote. (In my case, it has driven me to become an almost total recluse.) In my case, however, I think I pretty-much know what the basis for my own social anxiety is... or at least I think I do.

The only suggestion I would have for dealing with the social anxiety you experience would be to perhaps become involved with some club or organization that would help you learn to speak more freely. (Of course the current pandemic situation makes this a challenge at present.) In the U.S. there used to be (I assume there still is) one organization called: "Toastmasters" where members develop public speaking skills. Perhaps something such as that might be beneficial if such a thing exists where you live? I don't know. It's just a thought. My best wishes to you though.

I heard about that organization too. There is something similar to it in my country as well but it s more about holding speeches and talking in front of people.
Though I am not sure if that is what they are all about.

Yeah, my social life is also crumbling and my circle of friends is slowly deminshing.
It would be easier to not have freinds at all because than 80% of the stress or anxiety would be gone. But it gets lonely.

Thanks for the advice though and I hope that your situation will improve!
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Old 02-22-2021, 06:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: Not being myself with others

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkray View Post
I wish I could help with that. I知 a longtime people pleaser because it痴 how I learned to avoid conflict growing up with emotional abuse. It really sucks. I feel like I need to censor myself, but I also overshare about certain things, too. I致e found people often take advantage of these qualities. While I used to feel free to share some things I知 interested in or excited about, now I知 afraid to talk to anyone at all. I知 worried that I値l let people into my life who just want to use me or hurt me in some way. When I was younger and naive to this possibility, I was much more trustful of most people. I think the key to opening up and just being yourself is to truly value who you are and stop worrying what others think. I wish that were as easy as it sounds. Not really sure how to get there at this point. I know it helps to have healthy boundaries that are neither too weak or too strong.
Yeah, I know what you mean. There are a lot of people out there who just manipulate and hurt.
It is wierd how many seem to have made similar experiences. It is hard to find that trust again.

Boundaries are tricky. Or expressing them. It always feels for me like I am being to sensitive or pushy. And when is it too compliant or when is it to much?
I find that really hard to distinguish

Wish you all the best and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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