[Yzen]

I have noticed much of my anxiety socially is around people I don't know well and people I feel judge me. For example, I have neighbors that I only met once and I have a real fear of having to interact with them. Another neighbor I have known for years and I don't mind seeing them. In my family, I have a brother that I feel judges me. I have some of that same anxiety with him and dread seeing him.

It is as if I label people as 'safe' and 'unsafe'. Socially, I can interact with the 'safe' people and even enjoy it. I try to avoid the 'unsafe' people and am filled with anxiety when I do interact with them. Not knowing someone isn't a reason to feel anxiety with them, is it? I could understand feeling that way with someone that I feel judges me. There is a distrust.

[KBMK]

I was doing quite well overcoming social anxiety and trust issues. Going to a poetry circle, and volunteering at festivals was a big part of it...being around generous people with a common goal...working together. Since lockdown it has resurfaced and I've had difficulty with some things I would have had no problem doing, such as calling the garage to book repairs on my van. I also have become wary of people on the street. I got a bit of insight in therapy today. Well I realised that I am guarded and looking for signs that people might hurt me the way I've been hurt in the past. I think that probably is normal.
I wrote down some reasons for choosing friends: they help me celebrate my successes, encourage and support me in my endeavours, and offer comfort and kind words in troubled times...I do the same for them...
I can distance myself from people that steal my thunder, undermine my endeavours, and salt my wounds. I don't do those things.
I distance myself by leaving, asking them to leave, or might state that I don't appreciate them trying to steal my thunder, undermine my endeavours, or salt my wounds. I don't do those things.

It made me feel a bit more confident about what helps me, and what hurts.

Do you think your safe people have traits in common? Is there any specific behaviours that make you feel judged by unsafe people?
It might make it easier to be around strangers if its put into words instead of a big nameless fear. I hope you can build up some trust and feel safer in this big wide world K

[Yzen]

For unsafe people, I think I worry I will be judged as an adversary - someone that is not on their side. That makes me feel threatened. With my brother, he has a certain world view that I don't agree with and being with him makes me feel like he is looking negatively at me. I am not sure why that makes me feel threatened and unsafe. I do have some past history of being hurt by others when I went against their expectations....maybe that all ties in.

Writing that out in words does help, @KBMK. It doesn't seem as big and unknown when you define it.

I also have experienced extra difficulty because I am not interacting with many people these last 6 months. Those that I do see, I have a heighten sense of distrust. I had a repairman at my house that noticed I acted nervous when he came to fix my air conditioner. He called attention to it which made me feel more wary of him. I'm not that way with everyone I meet. I will have to work on building trust and staying calmer around people, including those that I feel judge me.

[KBMK]

Think that's a really positive attitude about building trust I don't know if you want to share how you normally manage your social anxiety? I suppose everyone has different things to worry about, and reasons for worrying...I feel it's helping me to get an understanding of the root causes of my own anxieties. Do you think that therapy could help you do that? Or have you considered any possible physiological causes...I'm not sure what different things can attribute to anxiety, just some of my own reasons, and some of friends. I also know how much some alternative therapies have helped me manage anxiety. I have had EFT and hypnotherapy which helped me find a calm centre. I normally see a Shiatsu practitioner, and have trained to practice Ayurvedic Yoga Massage, which is really amazing for helping the body recover from stress and for building trust...I don't think I'd have been able to do that without the EFT and hypnotherapy. If you can find a good practitioner, then I think it's a really great step if the anxiety feels unmanageable

[Yzen]

I have not tried EFT or hypnotherapy. I once contacted a hypnotherapist and asked questions, but could not get myself to make the first appointment. Is it possible to learn EFT on your own? It is interesting that you have great results with Shiatsu and Ayurvedic Yoga Massage. I haven't looked into either. Thanks for sharing those alternatives, KBMK.

One thing that helped with with social anxiety is to imagine and visualize having a friendly, enjoyable encounter with people I am about to meet. I sometimes removes the 'unsafe' feeling I get. I don't always remember to do that and it is difficult when you randomly meet people. For general anxiety, I had great results with acupuncture. When I was getting acupuncture, it gave me calmness and cleared my mind after many of the sessions -- not all. I haven't been back to get acupuncture in more than a year for various reasons. I have practiced meditation and it helps me at times. I've had CBT therapy. Therapy helped me think through situations in my life and manage those situations. My therapists didn't seem to want to dig much into the social anxiety or the root cause of anything. I am not sure why. I tried to talk about how I relate to people and the therapist would focus more solutions for the one situation I encountered instead of working on the root of why I was anxious in the situation to begin with. It could be I haven't the right practitioners to help me.

[KBMK]

My EFT therapist taught me the techniques so I could support myself with it, but I felt her guidance was what helped more than anything. The self hypnosis techniques she taught me I've used a lot more...her guidance in hypnosis was especially helpful too though. I keep meaning to try acupuncture! Especially as I can't have shiatsu at the minute with the close contact. Shiatsu incorporates acupressure.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I have noticed much of my anxiety socially is around people I don't know well and people I feel judge me. For example, I have neighbors that I only met once and I have a real fear of having to interact with them. Another neighbor I have known for years and I don't mind seeing them. In my family, I have a brother that I feel judges me. I have some of that same anxiety with him and dread seeing him.

It is as if I label people as 'safe' and 'unsafe'. Socially, I can interact with the 'safe' people and even enjoy it. I try to avoid the 'unsafe' people and am filled with anxiety when I do interact with them. Not knowing someone isn't a reason to feel anxiety with them, is it? I could understand feeling that way with someone that I feel judges me. There is a distrust.

I actually had an episode earlier this week, so trust me your not alone. I got off vibes about this person and I had a lot of anxiety. It could also be a gut feeling your getting and feel anxious about that certain someone. I know if I don't know the person very well, I get anxiety and sometimes I just get bad feelings around that person. I noticed my anxiety went away the moment I cut off all contact with this person and I haven't felt any anxiety since than. This could be the case or it could just be your anxiety. Just talk to your doctor about it and tell them exactly what your feeling. Have you tried meditating at all? It has helped me a lot. This may or may not have helped you, but I hope you feel better in the future.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

I actually had an episode earlier this week, so trust me your not alone. I got off vibes about this person and I had a lot of anxiety. It could also be a gut feeling your getting and feel anxious about that certain someone. I know if I don't know the person very well, I get anxiety and sometimes I just get bad feelings around that person. I noticed my anxiety went away the moment I cut off all contact with this person and I haven't felt any anxiety since than. This could be the case or it could just be your anxiety. Just talk to your doctor about it and tell them exactly what your feeling. Have you tried meditating at all? It has helped me a lot. This may or may not have helped you, but I hope you feel better in the future.

It is good to know I am not alone. I get the same way with some people and notice my anxiety goes away when not around them. I have done some meditation, but haven't been doing it much this year. I need to get back to things that help me.

Thanks!

[SprinkL3]

I struggle with distrusting people I don't know, including my neighbors. I make a guess about their intentions, but I know that my PTSD is on high alert, too. I struggle also with this pandemic and not knowing many people, since I moved to this new place just months before the pandemic hit. I never had a chance at making friends. So I was literally alone when this pandemic hit.

I also worry about what other people think of me.

I'm glad I'm not alone in the struggle.

I'm sorry we're all dealing with this.

[Yzen]

When meeting someone new, my mind starts trying to figure out the person's intentions instead of being friendly and welcoming. I will often not talk as much as I look for signs that I should trust or not trust the person. I think it is a result of being on high alert due to our past.

@SprinkL3 yes, you are not alone.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Yzen

When meeting someone new, my mind starts trying to figure out the person's intentions instead of being friendly and welcoming. I will often not talk as much as I look for signs that I should trust or not trust the person. I think it is a result of being on high alert due to our past.

@SprinkL3 yes, you are not alone.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I have noticed much of my anxiety socially is around people I don't know well and people I feel judge me. For example, I have neighbors that I only met once and I have a real fear of having to interact with them. Another neighbor I have known for years and I don't mind seeing them. In my family, I have a brother that I feel judges me. I have some of that same anxiety with him and dread seeing him.

It is as if I label people as 'safe' and 'unsafe'. Socially, I can interact with the 'safe' people and even enjoy it. I try to avoid the 'unsafe' people and am filled with anxiety when I do interact with them. Not knowing someone isn't a reason to feel anxiety with them, is it? I could understand feeling that way with someone that I feel judges me. There is a distrust.