Becoming more confident?

So, after thinking for a while about my lack of confidence, I've realized that a lot of the "more confidence" that I've been getting is sort of (for example), "I hate my face shape. But now I got a good haircut, and the bangs make my face shape look different, so it looks ok now." And then I'm less self-conscious about the shape of my face. Even if it's something that'll take a while to achieve, the knowledge that I'm working at it and therefore getting better a little at a time helps (except when I'm in one of those "It'll never actually change" moods). That works for me so far, when it comes to physical things.

But what about things that aren't so simple? I often feel that I'm stupid. I don't mean that in a GPA sort of way. I mean saying and doing things that were stupid, and then, "Why did I do that!? I'm so stupid!" sort of way. Even right now, the fact that I can't think of a better way to phrase this makes me feel stupid. I don't even know how I want myself to be, at what point I would feel happy with myself, which just makes me feel even more stupid.
I've been told that I have too high of standards for myself and that I should be happy the way I am, things like that. And she's probably right, and while being happy with myself sounds great, I don't exactly know how. =/

How can I become more confident?

I need to think more about this but something I can add right now.

I had a T once who always said, "what are the facts" when you have negative self-talk and name calling. I can clearly see by your post, you are not stupid; you were clear, concise, and actually argued your way out of being stupid. Taking a step back to see this for yourself is important.

We all do things we are less than pleased about but it does not make us x, y, z or even stupid. When we label ourselves, we take it in in a harmful way and that in an of itself can erode our self confidence. If you catch yourself doing this, list the reasons (the facts, not feelings) that support why you think it is and then why it isn't the case. More than likely (99% of the time), if honest you will find, it isn't the case. Our brains are really good at tricking us into a repeating type of negative "tape recording" but the thoughts are not grounded in reality; take a step back from it to see what actually IS. Just in doing this, many see positive changes in how they feel, their self-esteem and confidence level.

Adding to Fresia's "what are the facts", one thing I've learned about self-confidence is not to bother getting my Self mixed up and dependent on facts. Face shape is face shape. There's no point in arguing with or feeling good/bad about your face shape because it's like arguing with a rock; you can't win? I think when we pick on our bodies, it's because we're really worried about something less concrete and that can be scary.

For example, if a lot of people are telling me to smile, I might think they are criticizing me and instead of looking at that, I'll decide that my face/smile is the problem (something I can't change, or at least not consciously), not how well/often I smile and/or whether others are criticizing me. I transfer my fears others don't like "me" to identifying with my face, which I can't change, but which is also not "my fault".

I'm not saying a good haircut can't make us feel better, prettier, etc. internally, but it doesn't really fix any problems; the hair will grow/have bad hair days, and our self-esteem will plummet and that's the problem; our self esteem doesn't have anything to do with the outside world, it's all about how we feel about ourselves.

I suspect, Like Your Spell, that your mother or father or siblings, classmates, etc. called you "stupid" too often growing up and you have never looked at it very hard as an older person to think about how you actually are, when you feel stupid and "why" and then judge the event/reason rather than yourself?

One of my orienting phrases for my self esteem is, "I'm the right size, it's the pants that don't fit." We get so use to thinking when a machine/computer breaks that it's an "operator error" and never realize the machine is supposed to work for us, not us for it. If I can't operate the machine, it's because the idiot programmers did a lousy job! Students get a bad rap for being lazy or "stupid", etc. but if you have a room full of college students, all "failing" a course, you can bet it's the teaching that isn't very good, not the students!

Next time you feel "stupid" for something you've said, immediately stop and look at the situation. What did you say/when did you start to "feel" stupid. What is "stupid"? Is it embarrassment? For what? Did you not know or understand something, get the joke "late"? Why is it important to get the joke when everyone else or the majority does? We all have our own backgrounds and bunch of stuff/references we carry around and maybe I have "more" good stuff, a richer life, and it takes me longer to search through it for the right reference than it does you through your stuff

Think about the word "stupid" and how inexact it is? When we're giving ourselves a hard time, notice the words we use; they're stupid! It's like saying a person is "nice". What does that mean? Criticisms, especially self-criticisms don't use very interesting, exact, colorful words/language. Just, out of the blue, decide that you will only accept colorful criticisms from now on. It will make you laugh the next time you call yourself "stupid" and you'll "reply", "Nice try, but that isn't good enough!"

Thanks! I'll have to try both of those methods and see what works. =3