How do I know if I have low self-esteem?

Hello everyone! I do not often post because I’m afraid I’ll expound too much on topics, ultimately telling my life’s story. Since this is the Self-Esteem thread, I thought ask an open-ended question: What do you believe self-esteem to be? I am having trouble recognizing if I have low self-esteem, or some other recurring issue with people that I encounter.

It seems like many people in my life (close friends, family, and co-workers) go out of their way to disagree with me on virtually any topic. Where I get angry is when my own experience, education, or knowledge is invalidated in conversation. Specifically, so when it comes to details or direct experience in my own life, not some controversial topic that has no ready answer. I suppose if I had to label these people, “know-it-alls” or “one-uppers,” could fit.

If it is not just bad communication, could these frequent encounters be more of a problem in me? When do you recognize that you might not have enough self-esteem? I honestly do not know how to assert a point of view without insulting someone.

Any thoughts on a definition? Tell-tale signs?

I appreciate your opinion.

Thanks,

Jon

I'm having a hard time connecting the disagreements with the self-esteem question. Are you saying that you suspect there might be something wrong with your self-esteem, and that's why you keep getting into these conflicts? Or are you saying that all these conflicts might be causing low self-esteem?

I think that the number of one-sided conversations that I have had with people over the last five years have been higher than "normal." So, I am guessing that the cause was low self-esteem on my part -- the conversations would have been two-sided had I asserted myself. The alternative explanation could be that I just got unlucky with social bores. Either way, if there is a definition, or profile of low-self esteem I'd be curious what others thought it might be.

hi, yorkieman! you said:

the conversations would have been two-sided had I asserted myself.

well, i could take that a couple of ways...it could be a form of low self-esteem, or it could be that you know yourself, and the others involved, by recognizing that you're not being heard and won't get anywhere by furthering the conversation.

i guess only you would know the answer to that by what your "inner voice" was saying at the time?

gl! there's alot of GOOD information on the web regarding recognizing, and dealing with, low self-esteem.

good to see you again,

kd

Hi yorkieman.
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I suppose if I had to label these people, “know-it-alls” or “one-uppers,” could fit.


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In my opinion people who fit this description play a huge role in destroying what little self esteem some of us have. We work hard all our lives trying to build our self esteem and then we have to deal with or very carefully avoid people who get their kicks behaving in this way.

IMO it's best to stay on our toes and work on us because we sure can't change anything about them. I hope to hear more from you.

Jon,

I've been there and got the tee shirt. It is possible to change the dynamic, and the first thing is to drop into 'neutral gear' for a while.

An experiment. For a couple of weeks you could try just agreeing with everyone you meet. Listen to them, pay complements, smile a lot. The thing is, that although this is a strategy, it is also quite a nice place to be.

Of course, we also need to assert ourselves, and get our own points across, and why not? I would suggest that you do that here at PC, or maybe on a general discussion forum. This way you can get the brain stimulation without the stress of 3d body language etc.

If you want to PM I would like to talk a little more about this, It was once a big problem for me, and now it doesn't happen, I can't remember the last time I felt it.

Cheers, M