[Indie'sOK]

Is it just me, or does it seem like nobody really takes self-esteem issues seriously? By "nobody", I mean mental health professionals mostly, but even here on PC it sometimes feels like that. Even the title of the forum, "Steps to Better Self-Esteem", sounds like it makes light of such a difficult problem. To me, my S-E issues are just as severe as my other mental health problems. My low self-esteem has created these other issues for me and lies at the root of all the bad stuff - it is not something that can just be worked through by positive affirmations and goal-setting.

I hope this post doesn't sound angry because I don't want to upset anyone. But does anyone agree or know what I mean? Ask if anyone needs me to clarify.

[Spiritual1971]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

Is it just me, or does it seem like nobody really takes self-esteem issues seriously? By "nobody", I mean mental health professionals mostly, but even here on the forum it feels like that. Even the title - "Steps to Better Self-Esteem" sounds like it makes light of such a difficult problem. To me, my S-E issues are just as severe as my other mental health problems. My bad self-esteem has created these other issues for me and lies at the root of all the bad stuff - it is not something that can just be worked through by positive affirmations and goal-setting.

I hope this post doesn't sound angry because I don't want to upset anyone. But does anyone agree or know what I mean? Ask if anyone needs me to clarify.

I agree with your point about self esteem issues not just being helped by positive affirmations and goal settings.

I believe my self esteem issues are deeply ingrained in me but I will try anything to try and change that.

When I'm in that thinking (low self esteem) no amount of positive affirmations or goal settings help. They do help to a tiny degree but I need more than that.

I wish you well and look forward to chatting more with you.

[gashly]

I feel a similar frustration regarding positive statements, however, I am told there's a difference between something you can actually believe, and being pollyana.
I find I

[gashly]

I hate my phone...
I dunno, i've had better progress challenging negative things i've said about myself in my journal than in some stupid affirmation. Fir exampke if I wrote "i.m a ****ing idiot" I feel like crap. But if I wrote I feel so embarassed because people saw me trip on the sidewalk and drop my coffee, and wonder if they look down on me for it, I realize that if the shoe was on the other foot and I saw someone do the same, I wouldn't think so much about it and even may empathize. That makes me feel loads better. So in essence more positive, but not some fake affirmation. Hopefulky that helps....?

[unaluna]

I think the problem is the word itself. "Self a-steam" sounds like an escapee from a Marx Bros movie, along with the sanity clause - "because everybody know there ain't no San'ty Claus'". When I told my mother that her comments hurt my self-esteem, even SHE exaggerated her own real Italian accent to make a "joke" about a-steam-ing me right in the nose or something. When some guy in California 20-some years ago said schoolchildren needed better self-esteem, everybody made fun of him, but then I think they did institute some programs nationally, does anybody else remember that? It's hard to get anywhere without self-esteem - you can't appreciate your successes without it, so why would you repeat them? e.g., good habits being small successes. Kind of a catch-22. Good point, Indie.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by gashly

I hate my phone...
I dunno, i've had better progress challenging negative things i've said about myself in my journal than in some stupid affirmation. Fir exampke if I wrote "i.m a ****ing idiot" I feel like crap. But if I wrote I feel so embarassed because people saw me trip on the sidewalk and drop my coffee, and wonder if they look down on me for it, I realize that if the shoe was on the other foot and I saw someone do the same, I wouldn't think so much about it and even may empathize. That makes me feel loads better. So in essence more positive, but not some fake affirmation. Hopefulky that helps....?

That makes sense, and definitely seems like it would help more than repeating to myself "I may have tripped on the sidewalk and dropped my coffee like the idiot I am....but I totally and completely accept myself!" Umm....how is repeating the last part of that statement countless times supposed to make me believe otherwise?

The self-help workbook industry that came up with the idea of these affirmations must think we're a bunch of gullible idiots LOL

ETA: After looking online for the origin of that "totally and completely accept myself" phrase, I remembered that it came from a technique my old therapist used to use with me called "tapping" God I hated that technique! It didn't work at all. Positive affirmations were part of it, which made it that much cheesier. Look up "tapping" online to see what I'm talking about haha

[RedRoom]

I'm so happy that someone else feels angry at how self-esteem issues are treated. I really, truly hate being rude to people - especially as it's often people who are trying to help - but when you hear some of the throwaway terms that are supposed to cure your self-esteem issues, said by people who suffer from none of those issues, it grinds away at me. I want to tell people that what they're saying is not simply not helping but is actually making me feel angry.

Afterall, you're an intelligent person. You're bound to have tried positive thinking as a simple logical step. So if you still have issues, then it doesn't work, at least not on its own. I find that I'm looking for something new... but if I knew what it was I would be better by now.

And yes, the cheesiness factor doesn't help either.

[o.kay]

I've stopped seeing therapists several times because I feel like they are using textbook affirmations. Seriously when you walk into your therapists office feeling like sh**, and she says " my, you look beautiful in that color" I feel totally patronized.

Hold me back!! >:-P

[Willcat]

Self-esteem comes my way because of my deeds. When I give of myself to others I feel good about the person I am. When I'm in a loving relationship, The love I give and receive makes me feel valued.

For me self-esteem/worth come by what I do and not by what I say to myself or others. Making lists and setting goals are useless until some action takes place.

[Indie'sOK]

Willcat, I agree completely. That's what I'm hoping for once I "get out" a little bit in life, once I have the opportunity to experience such things

Thanks for responding everyone...good things to think about!

[needfixing]

i too suffer from s-e issuses, and i am sick and tried of my friends telling me but your beautiful, or your so pretty.
i don't see that in the mirror. in fact when i fix my hair or put on my makeup i don't look at my face, if that makes any sense.
i don't feel comfortable when i go out and i can feel someone look at me, oh man that's not a good feeling for me.
for me to heal in this area will take baby steps, i can somewhat take a compliment, but it's still kinda of hard.
totally get how your feeling about being brushed off about this issue