[ddowner]

I have a friend who is pretty much obsessesed with my close friend even though she doesn't know the extent of it (she's aware that he likes her) and he talks about her all the time. I know for a fact that she's not interested and won't date him (we've had this conversation before a few times) but he won't believe it. I'm getting annoyed every time he talks about her, which is almost every conversation that we have. I honestly think I'm jealous because a good guy always likes my friend, but never me. That doesn't do my self esteem very good at all. I think I hurt his feelings by telling him some of what she had told me without coming right out and saying that she's not interested and he doesn't have a chance (he thinks that he does). I have always felt myself to be a good friend, but I feel like I'm sabotaging this from the start. I feel real crappy about myself now...

[Travelinglady]

Wow, I can understand why you're feeling upset. I know he's your friend, so you don't want him to get his feelings hurt. On the other hand, it's like he's hurting yours by talking about your female friend all the time. It seems he's ruining the good time the two of you could be having. Do you think it might help if you point that out to him? Alas, it might be that we will have to learn the hard way that she is not interested. I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to repeat what she says. He might have to hear it from her before he believes it!

Are your friend and you very different? Perhaps she attracts a different kind of guy that you do. Do you have other female friends you spend time with?

[unaluna]

I hear ya, I'm always the funny sidekick too. Celeste Holme never got the guy in the movies i.e. the old movies. People called my last gf and me, Bait and Switch. I called us Chauffeur and Chaperone - I would have gone home with anyone but they didn't ask me; I was the designated driver, she was my chaperone.

[ddowner]

I finally told him that I didn't want to talk about her anymore or be in the middle of this whole thing. He says I'm the closest link to her, which is true, but I told him to man up and tell her his feelings and just be prepared for what happens. It's not for me to try and protect him anymore. I can't do it.. I'm dealing with too much other stuff right now and trying to fix myself. I don't want him, either, just someone LIKE him to like me for a change. I seem to attract the broken ones who need fixed and then leave once they are fixed. She attracts the same type of people as me, but she's a lot more picky than I am. This guy is completely opposite of what she usually attracts and would be great for her. But, it's hard to hear this stuff when you're lonely and depressed and feel bad about yourself.

[Travelinglady]

Good for you! I think you did the right thing for you in speaking up for yourself, even if he doesn't like it and even decides he doesn't want to be around you!

Question: Have you ever had a chance to talk to a counselor? I was one of those people who seemed to look for people to try to fix, too. However, to make a l-o-n-g story short, I have talked to counselors over the years, been able to get better self-esteem and deal with some other issues. Of course, no people are perfect (and if asked, I could tell my current friends things they could work on ), but it is really a relief not to feel like I have to be responsible for the well-being of other folks, to my detriment.

Are you feeling okay about things?

[ddowner]

I have not gotten a chance to talk to a counselor. I have been talking to friends a lot lately and I ordered a book on helping cure depression that I'm about to start reading. I'm trying to find things I can do that are cheap now because I don't have insurance and I don't want to go on medication until/unless I absolutely have to. He's still friends with me, don't worry.

[Travelinglady]

Glad to hear back from you! I hear you about the finance situation.....Hang around here at PC and maybe you can get some "free" pointers to help you out, too.