[Poppy Princess]

I'm not sure what I should put esteem into. I don't feel like I'm really good at anything and I don't feel like I do anything. I can't have self esteem for simply existing. I just don't like myself tonight

[Onward2wards]

(1) Deliberately do things which feel significant to you, which demand that you stretch yourself a little bit. Start doing this as consistently as you can.
(2) Try to spend more time with people who value the things you do.
(3) Face your fears. A lot of what we call "fear" is just negative programming. People in general aren't all that accurate in determining what is a realistic fear, and what is a self-limiting thought left over from confusing or frightening experiences earlier in our lives.

I have finally realized that self-esteem is created and sustained by doing personally meaningful things in a social environment which validates it. Ask yourself, "Who am I, really? What do I stand for? What is my Best Self, as determined by Me?"

[Poppy Princess]

I do things I love like writing but now I'm not so sure my writing is any good.

[Perna]

You don't put esteem "into" anything, it arises like existing does :-)

I think flowers are beautiful. Are they? Do they think so? It's the same with us. Those around us tell us about ourselves and we have to believe them because it is their opinion of what they see. If someone says, "Gee, you're smart!" I can't say, "No I'm not" because that just calls the other person a liar. It's better to say, "You think so? Why do you say that?" and learn why they see me as smart so I can then use that to judge myself by instead of just taking everyone's negative words for me (parents :-) as true. For someone else to notice and comment, there has to be something to notice; they can't read our minds or feelings, etc. to determine if we are "smart", we have to have actually said or done something. Collect those things others see and you will get a sense of yourself as smart, etc.

[Poppy Princess]

Exactly. I don't think people usually compliment me though.

[Perna]

Well, it is probably true if you literally don't say/do anything at all then it's hard for anyone or yourself to say/do anything about you. So, decide what you would like to do and go out and give it a try. You can't have self esteem without a self I would not worry about how you feel about yourself if you are not trying to experience yourself. You cannot steer a vehicle if it is not moving fast enough.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Perna

Well, it is probably true if you literally don't say/do anything at all then it's hard for anyone or yourself to say/do anything about you. So, decide what you would like to do and go out and give it a try. You can't have self esteem without a self

+1

You might be too risk averse for your own good. To go out and give it a try (in anything you want to do), you have to take risks. On the upside you might receive lots of compliments. On the downside, well, you might not. But unless you go out and give it a try, you do not stand a chance of receiving lots of compliments. So being risk averse is playing it safe (horrible things won't happen to you if you just sit there and do nothing), but, at the same time, it guarantees that the upside won't happen to you. Is it really worth it playing it so safe if you cannot get the upside, ever?..

[rise__above]

Best advice I've ever been given is "fake it until you make it". Sounds ridiculous, but if you pretend to be confident, it eventually becomes natural