[Hopefull]

I think I am pretty comfortable with my self-esteem at home and at school. But, I have trouble finding it at work. I just seem to lack confidence at work. I compare myself to everyone in the most unfavorable way. How does one gain self-confidence at work? What does self confidence even look like? What does it feel like? I set that as one of my goals. But, I don't even know what it looks or feels like. How can I achieve a goal if I don't even seem to be able to visualize it?

[(JD)]

Hi, sorry for the delay, I just found this post.

What is it about work that is different than home or school? Does it have something to do with "taking money" for what you do there? Is is a job you want to do? Do you get static from other workers? Do you find you have to ask more questions to do your job, than you do at school for instance?

Lots of questions, I know. Sorry. Just trying to see what is making you feel uncomfortable at work.

[Benjamin]

I used to have the same problem at work, especially during meetings. I’d get nervous just sitting there -- afraid that if I opened my mouth, something stupid would come out. Those are negative cognitions, probably rooted in low self-esteem. I found that if I took a look around the conference room, I could see that I was just as good as the people there. Most of them weren’t any better looking, smarter, or more capable than me. So I would just tell myself, “I’m as good as these people. There’s no reason to be nervous.”

That self-talk helped me quite a bit. I don’t know what your work environment or situation is, but often countering the negative thoughts can help quite a bit.

[Hopefull]

Money. I mean someone is paying me to be there and work. So, don't I have to be perfect?
Boss said something like: No. I don't mind if you make mistakes as long as you don't hide them or deny them.

My boss is a cool guy sometimes.

Dependence: I depend on my job for my survival. I don't depend on school for survival. I wish I didn't have to depend on another living soul. But, our world requires us to depend on others.

Sorry my headache is getting more annoying. So, I think I will shut up now.

[Hopefull]

I have to fake happy at work and the costumers like to point out that I am not happy. I get desire to yell that I have been having trouble sleeping for six months, cry every other day and am the most negative thinker that I have met in real life.
Costumer lectured me because I didn't say "hold on please" before asking someone to look for a brand. Like I am not good at sounding professional on the phone. Why must people lecture me just because I am not the perfect costumer service person. I mean the woman probably makes lots more than me. I felt like telling her to tell it to someone who makes more than 150% of poverty level. I suppose I shouldn't want to yell at the costumers. But, they have no concept of what the person in the store has going on when they call. I was just trying to get my co-worker before she got out of hearing shot of me.
Does any of you cry at work? My T keeps trying to argue that it isn't all that bad to cry at work. But, it makes me feel like I am a crybaby. I suspect she is of the belief that one must accept the annoying behavior before one can change it. I read a comment like that in a book and I suspect it is accurate.

I have frequently cried at work. I'm a teacher, and I have managed not to cry in front of my students, though. I think bottling up feelings is a bad thing, but I do try not to cry where it is going to cause more problems than it will solve. Besdies, I don't always feel that mush better after crying. So, is it OK to cry at work? I don't know, but it happens and I am understanding more why it happens, and not being so hard on myself when it happens.

C

[Hopefull]

Well, I am glad that I am not the only one. But, I sometimes worry that my manager may get sick of it and just get rid of me. Besides, it would save the company's insurance from blowing money on my therapy. Customers don't want a sad cashier. But, I have not been doing any good at faking happy for eight hours straight. One of my co-workers is very good at faking happy and friendly. I am not though. She has had years of practice while I am rather new at faking it for this long. Before this, I only cried at work during new jobs or major changes at work. I suspect that I will keep this up even after the company's sell.

[Edgewood]

I completely identify with your dilema. I am going through the same $$@@!!##!! right now, but I also have the same problem outside of work. I just tend to focus on the work day more. When you find the source of self-esteem, could you pick me up the economy size? LOL

I have this poem hanging in my cubicle, it's my favorite and keeps me from screaming:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
They are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others,
You will become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals;
And everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
It is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God.
Whatever you conceive Him to be,
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, ©1952

[Edgewood]

I also like this excerpt:

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not The ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care. Pass this on to those people who have made a difference In your life.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."(Charles Schultz)

People may not remember what you say, but they will always remember the way you made them feel.

[allthegirls6]

yorkieman,

This is an excellent post. I love it

[Edgewood]

Thanks, I think these two quotes are my favorite, life-to-date. I thought about throwing in the prayer of the unknown confederate soldier, but I din't want to go crazy.

[Hopefull]

Cool post on Peanuts.
But, I am curious on how long will my boss put up with me crying at work? I might be able to tone it down though. I made one of those obvious to everyone else except me discoveries recently.
It is okey for me to fail to finish all of my assignments. Is that obvious or what? Not to a negative thinker like me. It took a T, my sister and my boss pestering me on that one. Well, I never claimed to be able to see the obvious when it conflicts so strongly with my negative thinking from hell. Good employees can make mistakes! Did you know that? I think I might know that. Question: Can I believe that at work? HeeHee! My silly thinking makes me laugh at times. Why am I so dense that it seems that people have to bang me upside the head verbally repeatedly before I get the most obvious things? Any body else as dense as me?

Hopefull,

Heavens no, you do not have to be perfect. I will tell you what my boss tells me. I expect you to make a mistake; what matters is that you admit it and then how you recover from it. Your recovery from a mistake will show your true character. He also likes to remind us that no one is an island. We have a lot of resources in our fellow team members.

Just remember, you are allowed to make a mistake - as long as you are human; after that, well, that is a different story.

I hope this helps.

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Hopefull said:
Money. I mean someone is paying me to be there and work. So, don't I have to be perfect?
Boss said something like: No. I don't mind if you make mistakes as long as you don't hide them or deny them.

My boss is a cool guy sometimes.

Dependence: I depend on my job for my survival. I don't depend on school for survival. I wish I didn't have to depend on another living soul. But, our world requires us to depend on others.

Sorry my headache is getting more annoying. So, I think I will shut up now.

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