[ocdwifeofsociopath]

Hi. I'm new and my name says it all, as was kindly pointed out already lol. So I was hoping for some tips on how to gain self esteem with an incredibly intelligent husband (who really hates stupidity) to compare yourself to. Especially when I have such a bad memory that it has caused huge problems and I have to rely on my phone alarm for daily things, and at least a couple times a day have huge "blonde" moments (ones that even I find stupid)? I have a very hard time not dwelling. Maybe some train of thought examples?? Half of me knows I'm not stupid but I see the half that is. It's really frustrating for someone who used to be very smart to do such stupid things so frequently. I don't get what happened to my intelligence.

Hi, it's nice to meet you The best thing I can think of to say off the top of my head is... nothing happened to your intelligence. It's your self esteem and confidence that went away. You probably have so many self doubts that you make mistakes due to all that stress and fear of making mistakes. There is a sports term called a "forced mistake."
It's what happens when your opponent pressures you and creates too many doubts about your abilities and causes you to overestimate his/her abilities. Playing with your mind
Confident people make mistakes too but usually not many forced mistakes. Fear, self doubt, low self esteem... all these things cause you to make "stupid" mistakes.
I don't think I need to say who and what causes this for you
I'm sure MichaelD would have a great answer for you. Hope he reads your post.
Have you ever asked your DH why he married you if he's so smart? That is not meant as an insult to you. Hope you get this sorted out.

[Perna]

Hi! If I were you I would start to think about my difficulties in a different way besides calling them "stupid". So you have problems with your memory, so what? That is neither here nor there with who you "are". I have brown hair and eyes and I think my husband once said to me when we were dating that he prefers blue eyes. That's not about me, that's about what he prefers, likes, dislikes. But he is not simple himself (anymore than I am) so would not even begin to "value" me by my eye color above my personality and how I make him feel, how much he enjoys me and being with me.

Do you like being with yourself? That is self esteem. If you enjoy your mistakes, find them funny or helpful in teaching you more about yourself and your world/others around you, that's self esteem. If you groan melodramatically and grin maniacally when you make one of your really "dumb" statements/mistakes, that's self esteem. Laughing and enjoying ourselves, in all our experiences, looking forward to the next turn of the road, that is self esteem.

I went to the Caribbean in February and my genealogy researcher from London joined me there and there was another couple from England too we all met (I was with my husband). I have a degree in history and have been studying this one English line of mine (my mother's father) for the last 3-4 years, 24/7, since I hired my London researcher. I know my way around England pretty well (traveled there a couple years ago to meet the researcher then too and work with her in London) but I was talking to this other English couple about where they lived, trying to be "cool" about it all, like I had a clue, and they were saying they lived in Oxford. Without thinking, I asked what county that was in, and instantly wanted to take it back; it is, of course, in Oxfordshire :-) just like Cambridge is in Cambridgeshire, Gloucester in Gloucestershire, Lancaster in Lancashire, etc., I knew that and would have liked to have been embarrassed and feel dumb but it is funny, if you think about it and my researcher, not there for the conversation, when she joined us I immediately apologized for embarrassing her and please don't stop letting me be your client, I won't do it again, etc., and told her what I'd said. Oh, if I think about it there is a good excuse! My ancestors were from Lewes, in East Sussex.

But that's how I helped my self esteem, I learned to enjoy myself, quirks, mistakes, and all.

[foundthecure]

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

Hi. I'm new and my name says it all, as was kindly pointed out already lol. So I was hoping for some tips on how to gain self esteem with an incredibly intelligent husband (who really hates stupidity) to compare yourself to. Especially when I have such a bad memory that it has caused huge problems and I have to rely on my phone alarm for daily things, and at least a couple times a day have huge "blonde" moments (ones that even I find stupid)? I have a very hard time not dwelling. Maybe some train of thought examples?? Half of me knows I'm not stupid but I see the half that is. It's really frustrating for someone who used to be very smart to do such stupid things so frequently. I don't get what happened to my intelligence.

I noticed my memory and "spark" for conversation faded when I stopped working fulltime to become a solo father.
I find I now have terrible momory, little to contribute in social conversations & often have a "fuzzy" feeling in my brain.

I don't know what happend....

[Tarra]

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

an incredibly intelligent husband (who really hates stupidity) to compare yourself to.

How are things with your husband? You say he really hates stupidity - does he criticise you, or make jokes about you, or get angry at you? Does he do his fair share of the household tasks?

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

he does not run me down. he does not think i'm stupid although he does think I have done stupid things before. he usually laughs at them innocently.

I agree with everything George said. Everyone makes mistakes, even your husband! No one is perfect! If your husbands behavior bothers you that much, then talk to him about it. If he shrugs things off, then just ignore him and know that you're not stupid. Don't let one persons opinion about you affect how you feel about yourself.