How do affirmations work?

Okay, so my idea of setting small goals has gone in the trash. Long story short, it's not a reward if you get punished for the reward.

So!

My wife is big on affirmations, but I have no idea how to make them work. To me they're a joke. Any affirmation I can think of, I can immediately produce physical evidence to refute my affirmation. For example, if I was to say to myself, "You're intelligent." I can demonstrate in many ways how I don't really add up in the intellect area; college grades, work performance, etc.

So I think I'm doing something wrong. An affirmation isn't supposed to be fooling yourself into believing you are something you're not as far as I know, but helping you recognize your good qualities.

Anyone know any good ways to come up with a good affirmation?

Look at the people around you, those who surround you every day, if any, and notice who talks to who, who doesn't talk at all, and other conversations that go on be aware to the things you usually don't notice and you may make a friend or two while you're at it!

Here were some examples I found of some self-affirmations that are supposed to work for self-esteem.

I love and accept myself unconditionally. I don't really even understand what this means.

I approve of myself and feel great about myself. If I were to say this to myself, I would be lying to myself. How is this supposed to work?

I am a cultured and wise and yet, a humble person. Same as above.

My high self esteem enables me to respect others and beget respect in turn. The first part is essentially true, but the second part is a total fabrication.

I am a unique and a very special person and worthy of respect from others. Kinda like the first one, I don't really understand it.

I have high self esteem as I respect myself. This would be more lying to myself.

So yeah, I don't really see how this works. Is the idea to ... to be perfectly blunt ... lie to myself until I start believing it?

Not only that, but also, it is an oxymoron!

think about it - if you approved of yourself and if you felt great about yourself, would you be uttering affirmations or would you be doing other things with your time?..

See - they do not make sense. And you have too much of a rational, critical thinker side to you (per posts on here) to make affirmations work. If your wife likes them, then great, and more power to her, but you should feel free not to try to use the things that make no sense to you (and, in this particular example - not saying anything about affirmations in general), they make no sense in themselves. They are nonsensical.

We need to affirm things that are indisputable. My favorite is: You are a worthwhile and valuable person. We all have value in God's sight. We may not feel valuable to anyone, especially ourselves. Sometimes, I say this to myself, because I NEED TO HEAR IT !

Well, I think the affirmation has to be related to something true that you tend to forget but is meaningful for you. Like for me, remembering that I am an adult and I am free to make a choice or I have the opportunity to make a choice in any given situation could be an affirmation that reminds me to be mindful and not treat the world as if I have no choice. This may be meaningless or even not true for some other people.

Also, would you agree with the statement, for yourself, "I am not intelligent"? No? Then you are intelligent sometimes, right? There must be something you can remind yourself about, if intelligence is important to you, of the ways or situations in which you are intelligent. I am intelligent about some things. Other things I am improving. Other things I am epic fail or don't want to think about it or should just give up trying, but that does not an affirmation make. In other words, I think you have to qualify it. I agree that if you are logically minded and not inclined to brush things under the carpet, then blanket affirmations of things that aren't true are not useful.

>I love and accept myself unconditionally. I don't really even understand what this means.

Maybe transform it to "I want to develop compassion for myself unconditionally." Acceptance relates to compassion, in one view.