I became stupid

Dunno where to put this. But maybe someone can relate. Through my life, even when it has been hard, I've always had my smarts. When I had a long lasting depression 10 years ago, I realized I came out a bit dumber with a shorter attention span.

Daily use of benzos and I know they affect me memory wise. Probably making me dumb also, just hadn't realized so much.

I've tested around 130 meaning on a good day I could have joined Mensa (133 on the Stanford-Binet scale).

For fun I retook the test test for Mensa (which they have to see if you should or shouldn't apply). It's the same type of test and everything I took before, over 10 years ago.

And it spits out 112. Which is... well.. totally average.

Don't say it is only a test. I can feel my brain rotting away. If I don't have my smarts, I have nothing. I don't put any worth in those soft values people do. "I'm a good friend." SO WHAT?

Good heavens.

Putting zero worth in "soft values" isn't very smart. IMO

Of course there need to be soft values. But I can't see how you feel good about those. It's my duty to be a good friend. Or I'm not a friend at all. It's nothing that is genuinely mine or sets me apart from others.

"A good friend" is in the eye of the beholder. One might believe a good friend is someone who always agrees with them and goes along with whatever they want to do. While another person values someone who tells it like it is or just listens without judging or trying to fix them. But I don't believe it should be considered a duty or obligation. It is something you have to sincerely want to be. And of course, we can't always be the perfect friend. Sometimes we are even nasty to our friends and hurt them. But if we are good friends, we both trust each other to make amends. That takes skill that can get one through life much more happily than any book knowledge or mensa score. That's not to devalue intellect. But emotional intelligence is just as valuable, i.e. self awareness and regulation, empathy and other social skills used to influence or motivate others. A scientist may discover or engineer invent the greatest thing known to man, but without the creative skills of R&D and marketing people, it may never come to fruition.

Jimi,
You are not alone. I feel the same way. I don't know my specific IQ, but I did graduate from law school and pass the bar exam. Now, due to meds and ECT, I know I am so much slower. It is an awful feeling and I feel as of something huge and extremely important has been stolen from me. My self esteem is in the toilet.

Hence, my name, Nobodyandnothing.

Depression definitely makes one feel slower or more forgetful. And that obviously isn't conducive to self esteem. And the wrong dosage of meds can make one feel more depressed.

Nobody, I'm sorry. But yea you put the finger on it. You know how it once was and now it is different.

For me, smart was very defining of myself since I wasn't so good at some other things, it was a cornerstone of my identity.

It's kind of scary the whole deal. Meds and ECT will sure do it.

In my case meds only. My memory is so crap. Sometimes I wonder if this is early stage dementia. Sigh.

And, Strongerman, you are missing the deal here. Maybe you could focus on what the thread is about or butt out.

Jimi, you need to understand that people will have different perspectives on things. And I focus on my perspective. Memory is not intelligence. If you think you are losing intelligence because you can't remember some things, you are sorely mistaken. And being wrong does not make you less intelligent. Consider me gone.

Hey Jimi. I'm absolutely with you 100% on this one. Don't get me wrong Strongerman, I get what you mean about the importance of 'softer values'. But....it's sort of like the old adage 'Those who can.... do, those who cant.... teach' Bloody medication....Yes, yes & yes Jimi. I was an English Teacher in my much younger years, but after being severely traumatised and put onto a cocktail of pills, I lost all ability to focus on anything, let alone go back to teaching. I truely believe that us being medicated is mainly for the benifit of those around us....so they can tolerate us. Bugger that....After more than 10 years of being 'sedated'. told to 'sit in the corner' and placated by therapists and family, I said 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH' I used to be a highly intelligent, productive and driven woman, where the hell did she go?

I know for absolute certain that my traumatic event didn't make me stupid....being coddled and sedated did. So..........I chose to go it alone, granted.....the appropriate reactions to what happened to me came back with a veageance, anger, self pity, hate. But my smarts returned as well after time, as did my determination and self will. I still no longer teach....I re-eductated myself as an Architectural Technician, this would never have been possible on medication. When you have relied on your intelligence, and it is one of your defining characteristics, then it is snatched away or medicated away, it is a fate worse than death. Q.L

QL, so glad to hear of your ability to overcome. Going off meds is a huge step.
jimi, I was afraid of dementia too, but when I expressed this to my T she asked me some questions (sorry, I cannot remember what they were) then indicated that my answers did not point to dementia. She did suggest I bring it to my pdoc's attention. We may be worrying unnecessarily. Wishing you well.

Thanx Quarter, thanx Nobody.

It's a bit like someone good at one sport and that becomes their lives and they have an injury and someone just tells them cheerfully But you have a nice garden, I like the scarfs you knit.

Sure... the garden is nice, the scarfs too, but the deepest meaning in that person's life is lost. Just as well as the person who loved knitting most of all feels bad if she got bad tremors and cannot do it anymore. It's not really about what it is, it is about what is closest to our hearts.

I worked through the hard times trying not to give up writing which is ultra important to me, but everything I try is fail these days and I probably should give up. There is something missing in my head that was there before.

I can't blame depression because I'm on a good med that made all the difference. It doesn't dumb me down, I think that started when I started using benzos. I always thought it's nice to be calm... I can always quit later, being calm is more important than being someone and having an identity. In the short run maybe.... Now it's been a long while.

Luckily there isn't an all or nothing here, I could try a smaller dosage. I have no idea how motivated I am though.

I have an online friend who chose calm before everything, he claims he is alright now but you can't have a normal convo with him anymore. I'm scared I'm going to be like that and no one will tell me. I fake so much already, I let other people do my math, have people helping me pay bills and everyone knows that if they say something today that is gone tomorrow, if I don't pretend to remember when they mention it again.

If you try to pressure my friend he just finds an excuse to be "busy", like if I mention someone from a few years back (he can't remember anyone almost) or if I ask him something he cannot figure out. I hate that I use similar methods to get away when I can't think. It really means I'm not where people think I am.