[JoeS21]

I'm wondering how other people on here deal with embarrassing situations in front of a group?

Examples:

-To use a Seinfeld example, one time he was in a car at a stoplight scratching the side of his nose with one finger. Unfortunately for him, a carload full of acquaintances saw him through his windshield and it looked like he was picking his nose. Before he could respond, the light changed and the cars drove off.

-In my personal example, I'm a man suffering from an intersex condition that's impacted my appearance, and on rare occasion, it impacts voice so that my voice can be physiologically unpredictable when speaking loudly. In front of a room full of new coworkers and bosses, I addressed a customer by providing some helpful information, but my voice cracked and then sounded like a grouchy woman which shocked me. (That practically never happens.) And before I could excuse myself, the customer loudly criticized my tone and inaccurately called me, "mam," with lots of emphasis on, "mam." (And I've been trying to keep my coworkers from focusing on my gender.) The customer was aggressively glaring at me as if he were about to hit. So I walked off without explaining myself. I know people are going to gossip about this. And I have a letter of recommendation due out at the end of the month which might be impacted.

Don't situations like this just leave you feeling awful? What do YOU do?

[bluekoi]

JoeS21, I sincerely hope this does not effect your letter of recommendation. Walking away is better than letting a customer abuse you.

[Silent Void]

Oh boy, Joe, do I understand! This kind of thing is partly responsible for why I'm so screwed up. This stuff happens to me constantly, which is one reason I'm a recluse.

People are constantly misinterpreting, aren't they? I ran out of gas trying to deal with it. I gave up on life.

I hope you find a way to cope better than I have.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Joe, if people gossip it says a whole lot more about them and their character than about you, alright??
Put yourself above any gossip (if there is any that is!!), that's their "small mindedness" and you know next week/month/two months from now it'd be gossip about someone else.
And if people are gossiping instead of at least coming up to you and saying something (something to make you feel easier!!) then it's shame on them!!
You're doing a job, and clearly professional, even if they're not.
The customer though................acting aggressively/in a threatening manner.........walking away and ensuring your safety...........I thought employees were responsible for ensuring their own health and safety?? And this customer wasn't about to calm down was he?? So.........good move!!
And the intersex condition, that shouldn't/has no right to effect how you're treated, you should be respected for the work you do, and how you do your job. Beyond that what is it anyone's business but your own? And you have a right to keep it as your business if you wish. So your voice is different at times, does that effect how you do your job? Does that entitle people to know everything about you? I'd say "NO"!!.
So, I want you to be holding your head up OK Joe??!! You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about, just show them who you are and what you can do.
And as for the letter of recommendation if it doesn't come through, you're going to be entitled to some feedback right? Push for some constructive criticism and see if it's actually something credible, actually something you can address, and fingers crossed for the next letter if you do something to address all that .
They should want someone they know can make the grade, someone they can have confidence in regardless of any other factors, right? Good business sense??

And are we decided on taking away the "embarrassing" bit in relation to the voice-or the intersex condition?? yet/now??
Because you are who you are and why should you be ashamed of that??!! It doesn't make you any less than anyone else, it really doesn't!!! And if some people see it differently, does that make prejudice right??!! NOT in MY book!!! So just try to be you, and try to be proud of who you are!!!



Alison

[JoeS21]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Joe, if people gossip it says a whole lot more about them and their character than about you, alright??
Put yourself above any gossip (if there is any that is!!), that's their "small mindedness" and you know next week/month/two months from now it'd be gossip about someone else.
And if people are gossiping instead of at least coming up to you and saying something (something to make you feel easier!!) then it's shame on them!!
You're doing a job, and clearly professional, even if they're not.
The customer though................acting aggressively/in a threatening manner.........walking away and ensuring your safety...........I thought employees were responsible for ensuring their own health and safety?? And this customer wasn't about to calm down was he?? So.........good move!!
And the intersex condition, that shouldn't/has no right to effect how you're treated, you should be respected for the work you do, and how you do your job. Beyond that what is it anyone's business but your own? And you have a right to keep it as your business if you wish. So your voice is different at times, does that effect how you do your job? Does that entitle people to know everything about you? I'd say "NO"!!.
So, I want you to be holding your head up OK Joe??!! You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about, just show them who you are and what you can do.
And as for the letter of recommendation if it doesn't come through, you're going to be entitled to some feedback right? Push for some constructive criticism and see if it's actually something credible, actually something you can address, and fingers crossed for the next letter if you do something to address all that .
They should want someone they know can make the grade, someone they can have confidence in regardless of any other factors, right? Good business sense??

And are we decided on taking away the "embarrassing" bit in relation to the voice-or the intersex condition?? yet/now??
Because you are who you are and why should you be ashamed of that??!! It doesn't make you any less than anyone else, it really doesn't!!! And if some people see it differently, does that make prejudice right??!! NOT in MY book!!! So just try to be you, and try to be proud of who you are!!!



Alison

Thanks for your response. I agree with almost all of this.

The creepy thing about the letter of recommendation is that I never ever get to see it or read it. It goes directly to Interfolio (a business that stores letters) from the author. Then, graduate schools receive the letters from Interfolio. This is how the system is set up.

[JoeS21]

I learned a few wonderful tips and thought I would share them:

1. A potential solution to situations like mine is to return to the group of people who overheard my tone (within a day or so) and say something to fix it.

Something like, "I wanted to let you know that my tone a moment ago was NOT what I expected it to be and I was going to apologize. But I felt that de-escalating the situation was more important."

2. If there's no opportunity to do #1, I can indirectly address the situation. If I end up in a conversation about something else, I can look for an opportunity to speak generally of situations like the one that occurred without mentioning what happened or that I was involved.

3. If #1 and #2 are not options, just making a point to demonstrate an appropriate tone of voice and most appropriate behavior moving forward is the the third best remedy. And maybe I can insert the theme of "rules and exceptions" in any context just to get people thinking about it.

Social skills are so important! And I believe that learning them is a life long process for everyone.

Please keep your comments coming, especially if you have additional ways of fixing problems like this.

I've found that, for me, #'s 2 & 3 work best since for whatever reason people are uncomfortable being direct with me. They'll inadvertenly bring up whatever the/their issue is. Most times when direct they're being rude. And whenever I'm direct they're still uncomfortable. Soo...