[Fuzzybear]

Can we really know another's reality??

[Rhapsody]

YES and NO..................

for the ones that have suffered thru the same they can truly say yes, for the one that have not suffered thru the same but have suffered they can also say yes.................... for the ones that have been hurt or wounded at some time in their life they can feel empathy for the others, but they will really never know the PAIN and DESPAIR that another has suffered - examples: loosing a child, being sexually abused, having a marriage fall apart, wanting to die, being raped as an adult, being disable, etc.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Perna]

I don't think so. Even with the "same" experiences we all have different backgrounds, ages, surroundings. I remember my T being attracted to a phrasing of mine when I commented that I had grown up "alongside" my brothers. But even with us all there "together" we didn't have the same experiences because of our different sexes, ages, backgrounds, etc. Memories are very different too so what is important to me and what I remember is totally different from what was important to any of my siblings, etc.

But I don't think it's important to "know" another's reality as we are "part of" each other's reality. But we all have to live only our own lives; it's a little bit like we're the only ones in the world and everyone else has bit parts in our play :-) But what you make of me or what I make of you is determined by and important only to the maker.

[Wants2Fly]

imho, I don't think we can, Fuzzybear, dear. But I do think we can come close.

Imagine each person as a circle. The circle is the individual's field of experiences, which is all that person's experiences, values, attitudes, beliefs, feelings, memories, etc.

In order to communicate, our circles have to overlap, and that area of overlap is the area of mutual understanding.

The understanding may be imperfect, but we get on as best we can with it being close enough.

And that's worth about two-cents.

[SeptemberMorn]

Aw, Wants2! Give yourself more credit than that! I've seen the circle diagram before but it never hit home like it did without seeing it but you explaining it!

[Fuzzybear]

[Rapunzel]

Sometimes two people are on the same page and they understand each other. But there are times when people just can't get on the same page, even though sometimes they think they are. Even when someone's experience is almost like our own, we might not recognize that they are more like us than they are different.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your reply (((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))

OH Fuzzy-- this is an excellent question-- IMO!

and one in which I think the answer or answers can be confusing.

I used to think the way I saw things as happening was the "truth" and "reality".... but lately, I'm realizing that it's only MY truth and MY reality. I think we can try to grasp and understand anothers reality-- but that's only if we try....

Like here's an example-- hope it's OK ....

When my boys were really little, toddler/preschool age, my husband worked 12-14 hour days at least five sometimes six days a week..... our youngest didn't even know him-- and to this day remembers thinking some man came to visit on Sundays-- anyway-- my reality at the time was that I was worn out taking care of kids 24/7 and NEVER getting a day off when my husband got Sundays off of his work. I thought he didn't care about us as a family-- that was MY reality. His, now that we've talked about it years later-- his reality was that he had to work that hard to provide for us (yes, his reality was skewed, for one didn't have to work that MUCH--but it was his reality nonetheless)

He couldn't understand why I was upset at him for working so hard and I couldn't understand why he couldn't be home with us as a family and perhaps give me a time-off from dirty diapers, runny noses, spaghetti-o's and singing "twinkle twinkle little star"-- 30 times a day-- ...

Now, looking back I know his reality... but I had to try and understand and know where he was coming from......

I think without trying and truly knowing the other person's motives one can't know the other's reality..... does that make sense??

I think it's very insightful of you to ask this question.

Fuzzy---

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Mandy