Another take on self-esteem improvement.

I'll post you guys my take on the whole self-esteem subject, and how you can change your view of yourself to the better. This may not apply to everyone, but I think there are some really good general tips here.

I'm gonna give you a short summary of my story, before we begin: I had pretty crappy self-esteem at age 12-15, but most peope do at that age. They show it through acting up, insulting, being overly quiet.. Hiding behind a mask, simply put. I overcame my low self-esteem through 16-18. Now, I feel good about myself. How did I do it?

I won't ******** you with the usual "be good at something, have many friends, etc." Even if there is some truth to this, I think the real truth lies in:

1: Don't let yourself be controlled by others' expectations and needs. That's basically what I used to do. I was insecure and did not know what I wanted, so I just tended to go with the flow. Others decided what I did. I'm not telling you to be egoisitc; find a balance.

2: Don't judge yourself through others perspective. This one is put on edge, but the message is still important: don't let others decide how you view yourself.

E.G: Mr. X tells you that he finds you ugly. So what if he does? Beauty is subjective! Don't beat yourself up over other's PoV's. I'm not saying that you should ignore insults or hurtful comments, but do something about it rather than feeling bad about it.

When I was insecure, I was afraid of retaltiating. This changed when I realized that it is better to be active and take chances, rather than to be on the sideline all the time, feeling bad.

In the end: life is what you make it. If you are afraid of changing things and taking risks, you won't feel better. This is very generalized, but get the point.

Quote from Ludacris (which he probably took from someone else): "it's not the hand that you are dealt, but how you're playing your cards."

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General tips for better self-esteem:

- Work out (gym, sports, etc.)
- Be interested in something and master it. Be better than the average guy in some aspects of your life. If you are allround mediocre, you might feel bad about it.
- Stand up for yourself.
- Materialism won't make you feel better.
- Be a part of a community, but keep your individuality.
- Judge yourself through an objective view, rather than a biased, subjective one. I don't judge myself through my subjective view of myself. I always try to take an objective PoV to observe myself.
- After your objective analyzation, change to the better.

good post.........and i agree with you........the quote was probably here before Ludacris was......

thanks for sharing your thoughts.....good ones.....pat

Pejorative, that really does make a lot of sense. I wish that I had been successful at something, but I was never encouraged to try, and didn't do what I could, and now I am afraid that it is too late. I'm trying, but I give up so easily. No excuse, I know. I think that I had potential once, and maybe I still do, but I'm just not sure and I keep looking for external support and encouragement, and that doesn't work too well. For one thing, I'll never believe it until it comes from within.

Thanks for the response guys :-)

And for you Rapunzel, what you say is right; it must come from within. Another interesting point you mention is that you were never encouraged to try. This is really important, as your childhood will reflect you throughout your life. However, I believe that anyone can change/improve, allmost no matter what. It might take real hard work, though.

I really can't give you any spesific advice on your current situation because (a) I don't know any spesifics, and (b) I am too inexperienced, only 18 years old :-p

You seem wise for your years. I am glad that you feel good about yourself now, and that you are willing to share what you learned.

Not that you need to feel like you are expected to advise me, but I'll tell you a little. As a child and as a teenager, when I was interested in something my parents or my little sister (echoing the parents) almost always discouraged me from trying. They told me I was too young, too experienced, didn't have enough talent, etc. I often believed them and tried half-heartedly and did fail. I failed at try-outs for the marching band my first year, probably because mom said I'd never make it. My parents didn't like marching band or anything associated with athletics. I didn't get any jobs as a teen because my parents said nobody would hire me, so I gave up before I started. There have been things that I found were not so hard when I did try. After I left home, I kept failing at things, or settling for less than I could. I worked at jobs that didn't even pay minimum raise, and they would hire new people for positions I could do, and overlook me, and I was afraid to say anything. I didn't get into graduate school even though I was a good student, and I gave up on even having a career. Several years down the road, I woke up and realized that it was important for me to finish my education and have a career. Now I have kids who are just a few years younger than you are, and I am in graduate school (not my preferred one, but I'm on the path anyway), but I still limit myself and sabotage myself and sometimes think that it's too late and I won't really have a chance. I'm working on it though. And it is really hard work.

Thanks again for sharing what worked for you. I hope you keep it up and never let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Reach for the stars!

Found a quote:

The Greatest Glory in Living Lies Not In Never Falling,
But in Rising Every Time We Fall"

- Nelson Mandela

Great insight on self-esteem & I'm amazed you could apply it when you are so young. I'm 53 & still allowing other people's opinions of me (mostly my husband) rule me. If he is acting positive towards me, I feel good. If he criticizes me, I really go down fast...even to the point of ODing last summer when he said a hurtful comment to me.

My pdoc is spending an hour every 2 weeks with me, giving me assignments & trying to help me view myself through a better lense & not letting my husband be my gauge as to whether I'm worthwhile or not.--Suzy