How not to take things personally?

A lot of times if not always I perceive an opinion different to mine as a personal attack.

And I can't really tell if if it's just a different opinion or a person is trying to mock me or is unduly criticizing me e.g. facebook posts.

I fear to say something that may provoke criticism.

I think it is closely related to low self esteem.

How do I tell if it's just an opinion or a personal attack?

Well, lexxinski: On the internet, it's almost impossible to tell... One of the big problems with communication over the internet is that you can't see the person you're communicating with, or hear the inflexions in their voice. Words in-&-of themselves don't really give us much to work with in terms of context. So when there is a question regarding a person's intent, about all you can do is ask for clarification.

In person, it's a bit easier because you can "read" the person's face & gestures & hear their tone of voice. But I know what you mean. I have also always been very sensitive to the intent behind other people's statements. And, yes, I would agree that it is closely related to low self-esteem. This is something I have always struggled with as well.

I don't know as I have any particularly great suggestions regarding how to handle situations such as this, other than to "take a deep breath" when you encounter one. Sometimes, if you can just allow some space between what someone says & your response, this can give you time to process what's going on & to formulate an appropriate response.

Of course, you can also simply ask for clarification too. An effective way of doing this, sometimes, is to simply restate what you heard the person say, but put it into the form of a question rather than a statement. So, for example: if the person says: "I think blue is a really dumb color..." you then reply: "Blue is a really dumb color?" This is basically a take-off on a simple counseling technique. "I hear you saying that..." In this way you can clarify what the intention is behind whatever it is the person said. Hope this is useful...

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and try to assume they meant no harm. This keeps me from getting upset over what might be nothing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Lexxin, a personal opinion will come across as an expert in their knowledge. Their knowledge. They are stated emphatically what they believe with great passion. A personal attack is putting you down for not knowing what they know, that is pride saying they know more or better than you. I hope that clarifies for you. blessings.

Oh no, I rarely get upset when people know more than myself. I have a huge respect for knowledge and even disregard sarcasm or whatever by a more knowledgeable person.

It's very similar to what Skeezyks said about the colours. I think it's a good advice to either confirm, or like gayleggg said - not to assume right away that people meant harm.

Sometimes I think I wouldn't say anything, won't post anything, won't comment so not to provoke criticism, but then I'm just running away from the problem. So communicating more on facebook is a good exercise for me - I learn more about myself and others and also learn to cope with my emotions. Since I started doing it several months ago I think I've improved my communication skills. But I get easily infuriated by some comments. Now reading your answers and reflecting on it - it may be anger issues.

What I do is sit back and watch. Do they do it to others or just you? Is it just how they are? Or are they singling out you?

It is safe to say that everybody likes to be liked, and likes to be right. These are two instinctual desires (amongst others) that play a huge role in how we communicate with others.

There are several aspects to your question that can be explored for answers.

1. The opinion (the actual message).
2. The opinion of the sender (how the message was sent).
3. The opinion of the receiver (how we interpret the message).

The art of communication is to focus on the actual message. It will contain two outcomes, a truth or an untruth.

How we receive this message depends on how well we honestly know ourselves.
Here are the options from a true person, one who knows themselves.

1. If message is true and they already know about it, they will not see it as an attack, and accept it.
2. If message is true and they don't know about it, they will recognize the truth and thank the messenger for the revelation.
3. If the message is not true, they will not see it as an attack, but as an untruth from the messenger, and accept that.

Here are the options from a person who does not know themselves (i.e., most people on the planet).

1. If message is true and they already know about it, they will not see it as an attack, and either
   • accept it.
   • say they already know and/or
   • expand on it.
2. If message is true and they don't know about it, they either
   • thank the messenger for the revelation.
   • ignore/deny the messenger.
   • attack the messenger in hope to stop receiving further messages.
3. If the message is not true, and they know it as untrue, they either
   • accept that, and let it go.
   • not accept that and either correct them and/or attack them.
4. If the message is not true, and they don't know it is untrue, they either
   • accept that, and let it go.
   • not accept that and either ignore/deny and/or attack them.

If I left something out, please accept my apologies, and let me know.

Note: if the messenger is attacking, they are expressing some anger, from their fear of some truth about themselves; regardless if the message (received or sent) is true or not. IMHO