What should a woman really look like?

I don't know if this is the proper place to post this topic, but I'd thought I'd post it here.
I'd just like to know what a women should really look like, and what is sexually attractive. It seems everywhere I go, there's nothing but this fake, airbrushed images of women, whether it be on T.V, in movies, or advertisements. I know it's the media, and I doubt anything can be done about it, but I see so many young girls out there suffering with low self esteem, and going into a deep state of major depression, because they don't look like their favorite movie star or pop singer. As a sufferer of BDD, and knowing the hell one can go through with it, it's hard living in a world where sex sells, and where you're considered worth while if you're blond, busty and have a 24in waist.
I have an 11 year old cousin, and she's falling victim to this nonsense. I'm afraid she'll end up hurting herself. I cry when I see some girl who starves herself, because she wants to be thin, I know, I've been through it. I hurt when I hear about someone who committed suicide because they though they were ugly.
I see these young people everyday, some are going out and getting plastic surgery in their teens, just to look like "Jessica Simpson".
Sigh, what a world. We should focus on who a person is inside, and what they're capable of achieving, not their cup size.
My ultimate goal is to get my Ph.D, and I'm on my way to it, but even that doesn't help me feel better about myself.
We need to look beyond looks.

Is it also that people don't feel good on the inside for other reasons and they think they'll feel better if they look like this idealised version of how a woman should be?

As I wend my way into old age, I too am disturbed by the images of females all around us. I am not only disturbed by the artificiality of it, but also by the sexuality of it. I grew up in an era when Audrey Hepburn was the epitome of style and grace; Jackie Kennedy Onassis was an icon of intelligence and style; and Elizabeth Taylor and Sophia Loren, with their low-cut dresses, were just every so-slightly trashy.

Now, my students dress like streetwalkers. I saw a young woman in a poor section of town the other day walking by the highway, and my first thought was "streetwalker." But she wasn't soliciting cars, and I realized that there is no way to tell by attire anymore who is selling it and who is simply flaunting it.

Sometimes my students' tops are so brief, I -- an older female -- am not even sure where to put my eyes in the tiny cubicle of my office.

Living in South Florida, I consistently see females with belly shirts and sagging breasts who would look *better* keeping it covered.

And yes, I am going somewhere with this. When women wore clothes -- that is, real clothing, not tiny straps of material here and there -- clothing could do a great deal to camouflage physical imperfections and create an aura of grace and style. I never heard anyone speculate about whether Jackie O had cellulite.

I do not know what we can do to reverse the impact of the media. I have spoken to parents with pre-adolescent girls and asked them if it was hard to find appropriate clothing. So far, in my personal mini-sample, they all have said YES.

As an older female, I find it nearly impossible to find age-appropriate clothing that doesn't make me look like a bag lady. Right now, I am searching for pleat-front trousers appropriate for the office. After visiting every major department store and discount store, I can't find ANY. I cannot wear flat-front slacks because I no longer have a flat front!

On top of that, is there any clothing anywhere that is NOT POLYESTER.

In summary, I long for a return to the days when females wore dresses and suits and slacks, not belly shirts and decollete tube tops. It is so much easier to present a nice view of oneself when one can camouflage imperfections in stylishly cut fabrics.

Hello (((SUMMERFLOWER))). I know it must be very confusing to be your age. I am now 41 and I feel less of a need to committ myself to other peoples expectations in looks. I have found that I have not been noticed for looks but for other reasons not related to looks as a more mature person. Most of my most admired acquaintences donot look Great but they are Good People and that is what makes the difference in society. It is sad you feel the need to conform I feel that we have all been there but thank goodness with age wisdom takes the place of comformation to someone elses problematic lifestyles. Being a Good person is what really matters in the end where looks usually take a backseat to Bluntness and sincerity. Take care of yourself Summerflower. Soidhonia

Has anyone noticed the lengths nowadays in which actresses are going? The plastic surgery they are getting isn't making them look younger, at least not most of them. (Hunter Tylo (Bold and the Beautiful), Meg Ryan). You can google bad celebrity plastic surgery and see some of the horrors. It is sooo sad!! I don't know what the answer is, but this isn't it!

I'd love to know what others' thoughts are on this topic:

Studies have shown that men are most attracted sexually to women around age 18. I am 37-year old woman and this really makes me feel inadequate. My T (a male) said that, yes, most older men do prefer to look at women around age 18, but they wouldn't want to have a real relationship with them. Is this supposed to make me feel better? It really frustrated me at the time.

The best books about body image (for girls anyway) are the gURL Body Book and gURL's Deal With It. Those books kept me sane through high school. XD

Those books have a great point about what people find attractive -- a lot of it has to do with personal experiences. Like, I think fat girls are really pretty because I knew so many awesome fat girls growing up. And guys who look like the bully who picked on me in seventh grade, or my mean 11th grade teacher gross me out, even when other girls think those guys are cute!

So really it's silly to try to appeal to everyone, because everyone has a different idea of what's attractive. I guess you could try and mold yourself to appeal to the the widest possible range of people, and that's what some people do. But that's SO FAKE. It's way better to just look how you WANT to look, because that way you'll attract people who will like the REAL you and not some fake front.

(It's easier said than done, I know. XD I'm still working on it. But that's definitely my philosophy!)

So anyway. Read the gURL books!! Also, look at old paintings once in a while. Titian, Botticelli, Rubens, etc. Check out the Venus of Willendorf!! Learn about what cultures have found beautiful over the years. What's "hot" changes ALL THE TImE. It's pointless to waste too much energy on something so transitory.

IMO therei s no 'typical way' a woman should look.It would be a very boring world if there was. In an ideal world people would be judged on their inner beauty and personality, I have been slim in my younger days, overweight now, I notice a difference in the way people treat me and I hate it.
These days people are far too 'plastic' and pretentious and shallow. I admit I probably was when I was younger, age has mellowed me and made me into a better person I hope.

sorry I went off the subject along the way. I think if a person is good and kind and compassionate towards others, it certainly doesn't matter what she looks like.

Jinny xoxoxoxoxo this is only my opinion.

I think that different people do have different tastes and so it can be hard to figure what is optimal.

Some women like guys with hairy chests because they seem more masculine. Some women like guys with hairy backs even. Some women like guys shaved. Similarly with guys preferences, I guess. Some guys like women to be thin so they look kinda like pre-adolescent guys. Some guys like women to be thin but healthy. Some guys like women to be cuddlier and they find the curves sexy. And so on and so forth.

I guess... That I'm not so very big on spending a great deal of time and effort on my appearance. I try and look tidy... I do the hair removal thing because I don't much like being as hairy as I am naturally... I would like to be a bit more toned and physically healthier... Maybe lose a little weight... But how much is the weight loss worth to me? Not worth starving myself for, basically. I guess... It just isn't that important to me.

> everywhere I go, there's nothing but this fake, airbrushed images of women, whether it be on T.V, in movies, or advertisements.

That is ART. That is kinda the way I look at it.

> it's hard living in a world where sex sells, and where you're considered worth while if you're blond, busty and have a 24in waist.

considered worthwhile by who? by the guys who will use you and covet you and trade you in for a new model in a couple years?????

the plight of the super attractive person.

i'd really rather not... play that game.

> I have an 11 year old cousin, and she's falling victim to this nonsense. I'm afraid she'll end up hurting herself. I cry when I see some girl who starves herself, because she wants to be thin

sounds like she needs people around her that love her and show some concern for her unhealthy eating habits. i guess excessive interest in appearances is an expression of low self esteem. i've got low self esteem too... but i guess i never really filtered that into appearances...

> We should focus on who a person is inside, and what they're capable of achieving, not their cup size.

yeah. some people do... maybe it is about picking role models carefully. i really don't see... what supermodels and the majority of pop singers etc have done that is so worthy of my esteem... i feel a little sorry for most of them... i don't know. i guess i never really got into this... sorry i'm not much help.

role models...

what about the people who are remembered for longer than the 4 years after their hit single?
what about the people who made a difference to the lives of millions of individuals?
i dunno... what is worthwhile in life? what kind of a person do you want to be? and then to think... that maybe you are capable of more than you thought and maybe you do deserve to be taken seriously as a person after all...

what about Joanne Woodward????? one classy woman and she is natural.

((((((((Summerflower)))))))))))
I understand what you mean. It's gotten to be so superficial and fake. We're supposed to look like barbie dolls.
I looked at an aarp magazine and on the cover is a woman who looks like she's 20 years old. It's really kind of scary. There are no more little old lady images anymore in the media. Little old ladies aren't a bad thing. They're somehow comforting but now all the old ladies have bloated fake lips and taunt skin.
I'm so over the big lips, big butt, big boobs and weighing only 100 or less.

summerflower, I'm so sorry you are struggling with this... it upsets me too.

You know what I wish--- I wish to see more elderly women(that LOOK elderly) and everyday looking women in movies and wish they'd be respected like older and everyday looking men are.

Think about it-- how many TV shows and movies can you count that have older(gray hair and wrinkles) men in them compared to older women..... I would venture to guess the use of older people is about 90% men to 10% women..... if women don't look near perfect they struggle to get on the screen-- they have to have so much more to contribute in order to be deemed worthy of being seen by public.... it really upsets me.

another thing I wish, which is what I do-- is that people boycott shows and movies that don't have, not even one, older/or imperfect woman but have older/imperfect men in them.--- Like the movie -- "Pirates of the Carribean"-- count how many women you see that aren't "perfect" in that movie-- and then count how many men there are that aren't "perfect"..... people will say, "Oh, it's all in fun-- it doesn't MEAN anything"-- heck it doesn't!!

All women have value--in all shapes, sizes and ages!-- and are worthy to be seen on the screen -- in public!

I think the only way things are going to change is if the public takes a stand and refuse to buy into the dysfunction-- until then-- profits will speak for us.

mandy

I was watching a film with Hallie Berry in it the other evening, and kept thinking, "I want to look like THAT!!!" LOL...Also, now, I'm one of the older female teachers, and work with a lot of young females who have great thin figures, wear heels to work (ouch!) and to whom I compare myself. I do remember being the youngest teacher, as well as the young girl on the office floor, and being treated unkindly by older women coworkers. I feel no such animosity and like these youngsters, but it still brings to mind how I've deteriorated. My daughter, age 28, size 5, talks about needing to lose weight! She is also a teacher among many older females and has said they have been mean to her.
In response to all of this, I'm hoping ot age gracefully. We will all be there someday.
Love
Patty

Thanks for all the responses. I guess all that I really wanted to point out, was that for being a victim of what I went through, and what I go through now, I just don't want to see someone else go through it with wanting to be the ideal person.

A woman should have red,blond, brow, grey, or black hair.
It should be long short stright or curlly
She should be skinny or heavy as long as she is healthy
Full of life and fun
Smart and understanding
Caring and loving
The hardest thing to do is to be what makes us happy not others. To find our own ides of beauty and not what socity thinks we should be. No matter what we look like we all are beautiful and have so much to share.
Even thought I could stand to loss some weight

jin xoxoxoxoxo

A woman should look like "herself" not someone else; not an advertisement or a movie star or her mother or anyone else. One's body is part of one's self and it is just as necessary to learn what one's body needs and wants and what makes it comfortable and happy as it is to learn about emotions and things in school and what one is going to "be" when one grows up. What we look like is part of our whole self package, our bodies are not just clothes we put on or outfits we "make" to look a certain way; they're Us! It is all a balancing act and going overboard in any direction, whether it's intellectually, bodily, emotionally, or spiritually is not healthy.

A body's job is not to be "attractive" and there's no way to make it that way as everyone has their own idea of what is attractive! Deciding one wants a tall, dark and handsome male escort doesn't make sense so why do we decide wanting to be "thin" or to dye our hair blond is what "the" particular male we have in mind wants? I ate too much of the "wrong" food and didn't exercise over the last 25-30 years and I'm obese as a result. That didn't stop my attracting a husband/soul mate and getting my act together in therapy but still, I was/am unbalanced! But that's what our lives are for, to work toward balance, to work toward becoming more and more ourselves. I have about 25-30 more years of life (probably, given my ancestor's average lifespans) and who is to say what I'll weigh and what sort of health I'll be in when I die? I believe my weight gain helped me balance my mental health issues so I could function. It was what I "needed" at the time so I am not ashamed of my body, but rather grateful for what it has done/endured for me.

Summer Flower and Fellow PC Posters,

This is a strange time in America. Plastic looks and plastic money is definitely forefront in our society.

My bone structure is such that I have never been able to have a tiny waist. Over the years I have come to accept that. Since moving to a rural area, without sidewalks to exercise on my figure has really gotten out of hand.

I'm trying to process something that happened to me in school yesterday. I teach at a community college, and one of my students is a 50-something man. The class is Human Relations, and I had been lecturing on interpersonal communication skills. He came up to me at break, and told me his wife had problems with men looking at her breasts instead of making eye-contact when they spoke to her. Then he went onto say she was large-chested, which I had already figured out.

Maybe it was his tone, or how or where he looked at me, but I felt demeaned by the whole experience.

EJ

at empty headed dudes who treat us like objects. And I happen NOT to be sexist.