How to get over ostracism...

This is an outright plea for any ideas any of you may be able to offer.
There's a girl that I (unfortunately) became very close with as friends. Then, one day she just discarded me. She dropped me.
She moved on to others in the group. Confused, bewildered, I didn't understand what was happening. I tried to patch things up, even though I didn't know what I had done, but she was venomous with me. I tried being kind, happy, helpful. Nothing. She hated my guts for no apparent reason.
Then I learned she had started spreading outright lies about me. The unfortunate thing is that she is clever and manipulative and the queen bee of our group. She has been trying to get others in our friend group to distance themselves from me. Which they have. Now... everything is horrible. My friends have abandoned me, and they all hang out together and have inside jokes etc. They don't ever think of me and my husband to hang out with. They are polite and that's it. We have been ostracized. I'm so hurt by this that it's devastating sometimes. Some days I'm okay, but other days... it makes me so depressed and withdrawn. That's not like me. I'm usually happy and outgoing. I'm afraid I'm losing myself in this.

I don't know what to do...

It sounds like you deserve better friends. The situation you are describing I can relate to, but for me this happened back in grade school. Full grown adults should not behave like this, and they are not worth your time!

You deserve better.

Thanks it s tough to see when you're in the situation, but I definitely agree with you. But what do you do if you can't get away from these ppl? And they're the only ones to hang out with? I know that sounds crazy! I'm a grown woman, and this should NOT be an issue! But all these ones go to my church, and there's no one else to turn to.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you It must be very hard to deal with.

Is there anyone in that group of friends you could approach by email, for instance, tell your side of things and ask why they are suddenly shutting you out? Tell them you can't think of anything you might have done wrong, and if there was something you would want to know and try to fix it. Maybe there's someone who's not as nasty to you as the others, or are they all completely united in their behaviour?

I ask because I think it would be fair of them to explain to you why they're doing this so you're not left wondering forever.. But it might well be they wouldn't give you any answers and asking would only make things worse

All in all I'd definitely say find new and BETTER friends, though I can only imagine how hard your life is what with you all attending the same church.. I would hate for you to have to find somewhere new because of THEIR appaling behaviour. If it was me, I might consider it though if things didn't get any better. There's only so much time I want to waste being miserable.. If nothing else worked, I'd probably just cut my losses and move on since there is no way we can change anyone else. But it would be hard I completely sympathize with you. Hugs!

Let her do her thing. Let her spread those lies and venomous remarks about you.

I believe that she is digging her own social grave. People are not stupid, you know.

If you believe you are in the right, (and I assume this because I don't know the other side of the story), then with time, you will become stronger. She is creating her own disaster waiting to happen, while you can just stand back away from her fire, and focus on the positive things in your life.

Nobody deserves a back-stabber in their life. Good riddance, is what I say.

Then you might want to have a frank, one-on-one discussion with your pastor about it. Reference "James 1:26," and then ask him his thoughts on this situation. Behavior like this should not be tolerated by grown adults in any situation, especially in situations where there are clear rules about this type of behavior.

I know how you feel. Long story short, a "friend" on social networking lied to me about having cancer. I rallied around her, promoting her fundraiser page and sending her every penny I had. Rumors started spreading that she was lying. One manipulative friend decided to start the rumor that I was profiting from it.

When the dust settled, I had lost over $30,000. Even worse, I lost my apartment, I lost my reputation, and I lost EVERY single "friend" that I had on social networking. Everyone, from grade school to college, and current and past co-workers.

I have no friends and have been black-balled from my industry. Nobody will hire me. Nobody will talk to me.

It's horrible.

So I'm with you, in that I'm interested in any pointers that anyone might have when it comes to getting over this type of situation. I'm considering moving to a new state and taking up a new occupation [don't know what yet]. I kind of liked my old life, so it breaks my heart.

I completely feel for you. I know how one lying, manipulative, narcissistic, conniving person can steal away your life. It's happened to me.
Sigh...
what I have been finding really helps is focusing on myself, on what I love, and the strengths I have.
It also helped for me to look at the good parts of the situation. I know it can feel like there's nothing positive but really, there is. Here is a couple of the positive things I've been focusing on:

- these situations really show you who your true friends are. The people who will stick by you and believe in you no matter what. Remember these people in the future, and treasure them.

- this situation gives you the opportunity to spend more time with yourself. Really figure out who you are, and what your strengths are. What your passions are. Who YOU truly are. It gives you the opportunity to be your OWN best friend.

- this situation helps you to be compassionate in the future to anyone else who is being ostracized or left out

Focusing on these things and NOT on toxic people will really help.
Please keep me posted in your jouney. I'd love to hear from you.

I will, and thank you.

I know exactly how you feel, I've had so many lying, manipulative and frankly insane people around me.. Eventually I had enough and decided I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. And neither should you! Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Feelings are good and it's through them we heal. Then go find better friends, you deserve better. You deserve to be around people that love you, respect you and care about you. Life's to short and precious to settle for anything less! And right now, honestly yes I am really lonely after deciding to drop all those "so called friends" so I know how you feel but I know eventually better people will come into my life. And same thing will happen to you! Rise above them and look for something better. I wish you all the best.

Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear this. In my calm moments I know that dropping these people and never looking back is the right decision. But in the morning just before I fully wake up, I get this horrible feeling in my gut that feels like everyone hates me. And it's such a horrible, dark, lonely feeling to feel.

These friends of yours didn't learn much in church did they? Their behavior is atrocious. As I see it you have 5 options:
1) Do nothing
2) Try to talk to one of the women so you can find out what's going on.
3) Talk to your preacher
4) Find a new group of friends and stay in the church
5) Find a new church

They all have pros and cons. I personally believe you deserve better friends. Good luck and best wishes.