[LaraR4444]

I used to do this thing where I thought I was somehow protecting myself from other people by putting my own self down before they had to opportunity to. I guess maybe I thought they wouldn't have to say it if I had. I'm talking about elementary school age. I thought I had gotten over that, but I am disappointed to discover that I'm still doing it. Going to try to replace those kinds of thoughts with something else, if I can catch myself. Does anybody else do this?

[unaluna]

Definitely! My dad even used to make a joke about it, regarding himself, when my mother would start insulting us: he would say, "im not as dumb as i look!... im dumber."

[William Munny]

Yes, I do it. I get picked on a lot. And sometimes I'll be timid, not looking for conflict, so I'll put myself down too. But other times I'd call the same person on to fight.

I'm always more ashamed of myself when I put myself down then when I challenge them back. even though I don't like violence.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by William Munny

I'm always more ashamed of myself when I put myself down then when I challenge them back.

Yes, that's what disturbs me so much about it. It hurts more when I'm not even on my own side and/or am not protecting myself. That hurts more than what other people do.

[William Munny]

Do people tease you at all? Ignorant and mean people bring that out in me. So it is a way to protect myself because I know they're going to say it anyway.

I stand up for myself more then I used to now that I'm an adult, but I'm not witty enough to have a good come back to an insult. And some of the burns on me are just brutal.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by William Munny

Do people tease you at all?

Not nearly as much as they used to, mainly because I work from home and don't socialize that much. The people I do socialize with are not big teasers. When I last worked in public, I suffered tremendously from teasing.

I knew I was still putting myself down, but I didn't think it was the same thing, just me thinking negative stuff and saying it though I shouldn't be. I tried to stop doing that too and thought I had.

Just recently though I discovered that I am bad-mouthing myself and downplaying my dreams and arguments in anticipation of others doing it and I hadn't been aware I was still doing that. It's very worrisome.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

It's good you have taken notice of it. Now when you notice it - you can "replace" the thought with a positive one instead.

Ex. "I am stupid." becomes "I am intelligent and learning more everyday!"

[Albatross2008]

I do it frequently, even as a middle-aged adult. I think like you, that I might as well go ahead and put myself down before the other person gets a chance to. This is starting to ease up, now that I no longer have people in my life who are very likely to put me down.

Sometimes I end up in a no-win situation, because if I call myself intelligent, then I'm bragging and need to learn to be humble, but if I say I'm not all that smart, then I need to develop some self-esteem, and maybe I should talk to my therapist. I also sometimes say something sarcastically and have it taken at face value. For example, I'm calling another person out because they blatantly ignored something I just said. "Oh, never mind me. I'm only talking to hear myself speak. I didn't say anything worth listening to." Then comes the shocked reaction. "You shouldn't SAY things like that about yourself! You ARE worth listening to!" (OK, then why didn't you?)

Finally, I sometimes hear my husband putting himself down, calling himself stupid or ugly or clumsy, and I tell him, "You'd be all kinds of upset if I said that about myself."

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry to hear about this. I can relate..