How do you deal with small nasty comments?

I lived through a situation that kind of exposed me publically to quite a large number of people in my community. Some like me while others are jealous and take every opportunity to turn things around and say something nasty. Like they talk whatever but they talk about me and say small nasty comments about my career or about my psychology. I dont care personally because as long as they are powerless against me, i dont care. But its just the words.. the talking...that bothers me. I lack self confidence... so this small talk contributes to lowering my self confidence. I am tired to fight against it all the time. I dont know how to respond. Should I ? i even thought about talking to the police haha... i dont know what to do!! I am so tired!!

Gee... I wish I knew what to tell you about this. But I don't imagine I do. However I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I guess my thinking on the subject would be that you should not respond. "Getting your goat", so to speak, is probably just what these people want. So perhaps the answer here is to simply ignore them. And then if you are seeing a therapist take the opportunity to talk, in therapy, about how all of this makes you feel.

I know you wrote you don't care. But I would suspect that on some level you do. And these sorts of things hurt even if you tell yourself they don't. It's important to have someone with whom you can process this. However my personal bias is that you can't do this with family members or friends. So therapy, it seems to me, may be the alternative.

Beyond that, I suspect the answer here may be to simply focus on your life, your activities & your goals. Ultimately you can't control what other people say or do. You only have control over yourself. So concentrating on what you want to achieve in your life, & simply ignoring the "tongue waggers", may be the best or at least the most practical solution. I wish you well...

You are not alone! I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I'm going through this with myself!

That is great advice! I wish that I had thought about that myself! I will keep this in mind.

I think I’d i had more context then it might be easier for me to come up with something. I don’t mean your personal business I just mean generally.

I comfort myself by telling myself that at least I'm not as petty as they are. They are hurting themselves and living a lesser life by being so small minded and gossipy. You are better than them. 💜

Yes. You are not the one making the nasty comments, because you have way better things to do with your time than to gossip. Don't give them attention because they are simply not worth your time.

I also think it depends on whether the comments are harassing or not. Are they slanderous? Or basic gossip?

I should tell myself it not personal it business

That is great advice!I wish that I had thought about that myself!

I never thought about that myself! I need to ask myself that question all the time!

I was bullied in art class,I didn't confront them,I remained calm and I kept silent and I didn't give them a reaction of being hurt or upset which is probably what they would have wanted and enjoyed.I won't be going back to that class either and because the tutor joined in with the bullies in picking on me I wrote a message of complaint to her boss.Sometimes we have to be the bigger person and not give them the satisfaction of being upset.If they can see that they can't bring you down or impede your progress then they learn their efforts are to no avail.After all they are doing it to impede our progress because they are jealous.I was not enjoying the art class anyway as it was art craft and not drawing and painting which I like more.

I agree that not reacting and remaining calm is best things with bullies who mentally bully me or emotionally. That is usually what people are doing these days if they are trying to harass people is to use intimidation. They get nothing if you do not react unless they threaten your safety. That is a different situation

Usually i just ignore them because i really do not care about other peoples opinions or thoughts of me. They really are not that important to bother me. I am busy trying to live my life and do not have time for people who are rude.

I once read somewhere that at least 2% of people you meet will dislike you, No matter who you are. This is the problem, everywhere you go you'll find people who dislike you but this is also true for every single person on the planet.

So it's not a matter of getting them to like you, you can't please everyone. Period. Stop the fighting, stop wasting your energy on them, just let them be, let them say what they want to say and have it wash over you.

The best way I deal with situations like this is to remove myself from their presence where possible, on Facebook, for example, I have people who are on my 'friends' list but I select 'do not show their posts' on my feed so I don't need to deal with them. This is just one example, have a think about how you can do this with the haters you're experiencing and reduce you're exposure to them.

I have also been called names and bullied. Actually, I haven't experienced much name calling in my life, but I am very sensitive to words, and recently, someone called me something very false and also I felt bullied by them too. It's interesting to me that sometimes, the one who does the bullying seems to feel like the victim themselves of something. I know I definitely triggered something in this other person unintentionally. Anyway, I was feeling very badly about this incident, and someone said to me "you do know that just because someone calls you something doesn't make it true, right?" Something clicked for me then. It's so true. Someone can say something about me and it can be absolutely untrue. Like in that instance. To the OP, I get what you are saying. Words and even just knowing that people are acting that way behind your back, can lower self esteem and make you feel badly. Perhaps spend more time with the people who are nice to you and who you trust and do like. Find ways to keep yourself safe as well. That's important. I try to remember, too, that people who gossip and talk about others in such a way, are really not very evolved (emotionally, socially). I would also ask myself "Am I doing something that is making them upset? How can I smooth things with them? Is that possible?" That is just me though.

Online: I put the member on "ignore."

Offline: I address the snark if it directly effects my job or friendships. Otherwise if it doesn't effect either, I ignore it.

I've had to deal with a lot of bullies over the years b/c I have was raised as a doormat/codependent/scapegoat of my family system. So, I've spent my whole life fighting that "programming" with the help of therapy and using interpersonal situations to practice what I've learned. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.