[Quarter life]

As I gather my strength and will to embark on an exciting adventure in my life, I lament the years lost and opportunities squandered. Time has seemed to stand still for me, years & years of wading through bouts of debilitating depression, coupled with my fear and dread of the world.

Mental illness bought on by an accident of birth, trauma, environment, faulty brain chemistry or associated illness/circumstances… is for all of us a heavy cross to bear, and is almost always exacerbated by those around us who perpetually tell us that we just aren't good enough, that we are damaged, that we have no value as citizens of the world.....a heartbreaking waste of life.

So where to from here?...how do we find our place in the world? A place where our endeavors are valued? A place where we can strive, accomplish and be all the better for it? Well to start with we need to be realistic….I would have loved to have been a dancer…but at my stage in life this just isn’t going to happen. However…I do have skills, bankable skills that I have slowly nurtured over my years of dark exile.

Yet choosing how and where to use these skills is the hard part…Self doubt, fear of ridicule, and indeed failure all come into play causing us to procrastinate and bemoan the inertia of our lives. I spent many many years in therapy and medicated...it wasn’t until I started implementing changes by modifying my thinking and behavior that I began to move forward...It was like the gears on my life had been out of whack, the only way forward it seemed was to realign them.

Several years ago...I took a long hard look at my list of personal beliefs and my reactions to the world, including my constant worrying of what others thought of me. Some of my ideas were keeping me safe, but most were toxic, outdated or downright ridiculous. I have now come to appreciate that 99% of people care little about what I think or what I do...they care more about their own lives. I now understand that I can’t wait around for others to tolerate, validate, laud or honour me...I must do that for myself. The worst choice we can make is waiting for others to choose for us, or waiting for permission to choose, as we may spend our lives choosing nothing at all.

Should I have chosen sooner?... of course I should have, but what is more important is that I have chosen NOW…and am so excited to see what the world has in store for me………stay tuned.

[CANDC]

Hi Quarterlife. You write beautifully. Your words are an inspiration to all of us who struggle with their challenges to go on and persist.

Whatever you choose to do you are already a success in my book. All the best to you whatever you choose, let it be an expression of who you are.



CANDC

[KarenSue]

Thanks for this post, Quarter life.

Finally, some thoughts and words that help! First time I've seen a truly substantive post which has a powerful message from which members can benefit.

Hope that it will be read and give others the chance to change their point of view.

Well said!

[KarenSue]

Thank you again for this thread. I find myself visiting it often just to read your words, Quarter life. So positive, so honest, so heartfelt.

Again, TY, as your words assist me in my hours or need.

[leomama]

Beautiful strong post!

[henchman21]

Thank you for this

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Quarter life! I'm sure it will be helpful to many other people here on PC. Thank you so much! I really needed to read this. You're a wonderful person. I'll try to follow your advice as much as you can. I'll make sure to treasure it. Thank you so much! We're all warriors and we're all fighting our own battles. I hope everyone will be able to win his/her battle. I hope everyone will be able to come out on top, victorious. I'm sure you can all do this. All of you. No exceptions.You're all strong, wonderful people! You're all awesome! You're all warriors! Sending many hugs to everyone

[Calypso2632]

Reading this reinforced my belief the choices I have so recently made are in fact correct and good. And not to late in life to be made. I spent many years drowning myself in alcohol and self pity. Wondering "why me"? Many tried to get me to quit, change.. but it comes down to us and choices and what we want to see and become. In 2014 I was pretty sure my working career was over. My head was screwed up, I drank too much I couldn't cope or even function. I tossed all my scrubs in the garbage and started the process of going for disability and becoming a recluse. I never went out but to medical appointments or to get groceries. I got lost in my head and my fears. Lost friends, family, and eventually my husband. Now it's the beginning of 2019, I've been with my current boyfriend almost 2 years. I've been sober over 4 months, I just got my Cna recertification active again and I'm off to apply for my first job in years tomorrow (later today really:D). That's what choices can bring you. You can choose NOT to stay stuck. No matter how deep the pit is you can climb up and out. It did seem hopeless for me for a very long time and as cliche as this sounds something in my head just clicked one day and I realized that this was not where I was meant to be and this was not my true self. :love: