I have a huge problem which is constant self-pitying. It's connected to my low self-esteem. Nothing is working in my life because of them, not socially or professionally, and when nothing works, I continue the self-pitying and my self-esteem gets worse, and on goes my life in a downward spiral. I am not sure where people get their self-esteem and worth from. I feel I have no intrinsic worth, and my existence is just a waste of time for me and of resources to others.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Sans Nom

I have a huge problem which is constant self-pitying. It's connected to my low self-esteem. Nothing is working in my life because of them, not socially or professionally, and when nothing works, I continue the self-pitying and my self-esteem gets worse, and on goes my life in a downward spiral. I am not sure where people get their self-esteem and worth from. I feel I have no intrinsic worth, and my existence is just a waste of time for me and of resources to others.

Perhaps you have issues that need exploring and more feelings to express? You seem to be very hard on yourself and that's not good for you. Look for your worth. I see that you are a person who reaches out for help and is looking for answers and that is good about you. Have you tried making a gratitude list and a list of all your good qualities? I have done that and it helps me to do it on an often basis. I'm sorry nothing is working in your life; not much is working in mine either in terms of what is socially what is supposed to be working. But we can find things that show us that we are worthy and useful and good people. I know you are a good person who cares about things and is looking for solutions. I am, too, and often have self esteem and self worth problems, too. Don't give up, you are worth it!

How and where to look for my worth? When I say nothing is working in my life, I mean literally, and I have tried many times to change my reality. This reinforces the feeling that I am worthless in this world.

[sarahsweets]

I do not know where to tell you to find your self worth but I can share my own experience with self pity.
I usually do not experience it anymore. Back when I was drinking though I had a ton of it. It was my go to reason. "everyone hates ME, I am the victim, Feel bad for ME, because of my bad life I get to escape and drink". And even sobriety didnt fix that right away because then it was "why cant I drink, poor ME, no one loves ME, " etc. Like it or not, valid or not, IMO self pitying is a very selfish place to be. I do not mean selfish like spoiled or egotistical I mean consumed with yourself, thoughts that revolve around yourself, being stuck in yourself. Until you are ready to let those thoughts go I believe self pity will plague just about anyone. I had to face the fact that I am just not that important. People that I know or do not know do not spend their time wondering about me, thinking about me and worrying about what I am doing. ME thinking about what THEY think of me puts me in a self centered mindset and prevents me from thinking of others. There is no better was to get out of yourself than thinking and doing for others. None of this is easy and it was quite the reckoning that I had to deal with but ultimately its just my opinion.

I think you have a point. I do dwell on myself and on how others treat me. But it's not because I think of myself as important and self-entitled, but because I cannot connect with others, which makes me undesirable in the eyes of others.

You said you tried hard to change the reality. So maybe you are experiencing despair at this point. But I think you should give yourself a credit for:

1). Putting forth an effort to make changes in your life. Some people with self-pity are full of excuses for not doing anything with their life.

2). Being able to see your issue with clarity and be honest with yourself. Self-pity is not an easy thing for someone to admit to.

I hope things turn out better for you. In the mean time, maybe try a gratitude journal. You can start out with one thing you are thankful for today.

[mountainstream]

Making an effort to change is commendable. There are worse flaws than self pity.