[Lovebooks124]

Good morning!
I am really insecure about myself since I was little. And because of this, I don’t know how to say “no”. Today when I was in a party i rolled with a guy with I didn’t want to. Now I am really anxious because of this. Do you know what can I do?
Thank you.

[Skeezyks]

I recall replying to your introductory post where you wrote about this concern as well. And I don't know as I have much of anything more to offer on the subject. However I noticed you had yet to receive replies to this post. So I thought I would write one.

The problem you describe may involve a number of different mental health concerns it seems to me. Perhaps this involves a lack of self-esteem? Perhaps it is the result of a lack of personal boundaries? It could be the result of something in your childhood such as childhood sexual abuse or childhood emotional neglect.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you what's going on here. All I can do is to suggest some possibilities that occur to me. To really figure out what's driving you to do what you do, the best option may be to get with a psychologist or mental health therapist & work with them to figure out what's going on & what to do about it. My personal opinion would be that until you do this, no "quick fixes" are likely to be of much benefit.

I know I provided you with links to several articles, from PC's archives, when I replied to your introductory post. However here's a link to one additional article that may be of interest on the subject of why we keep repeating the same mistakes we've made in the past:

Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat the Past?

Best wishes...

[Fuzzybear]

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry you're having problems!

Setting boundaries has always been difficult for me, too. But I've got better. Let this experience go, if you can, and maybe use the next time this raises its head as a chance to practice some simple ways of saying no.

You could have a couple always ready. They don't have to be confrontational.

I can't (and move away).

Somewhere to be (pointing at a random place in the distance, and then strolling towards it).

Not right now (appearing deep in thought. You can stay still with this one!).

I'll get back to you (and don't).

They are just a few examples. Maybe you could add more, and practice saying them at first with people you're fairly comfortable with.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Lovebooks124

Good morning!
I am really insecure about myself since I was little. And because of this, I don’t know how to say “no”. Today when I was in a party i rolled with a guy with I didn’t want to. Now I am really anxious because of this. Do you know what can I do?
Thank you.

I understand how you feeling because I feel the same way about myself.

[Fury]

I don't know how to do the "conceal trigger" feature but I have to tell you that being unable to say no, for me, later led to being raped.

After that I no longer knew how to say yes, even with things that I loved.

I started just using postponements, such as "Maybe" or "Not right now" or just plain ignoring invitations to participate in anything.

But the one thing I've learned about this is, if you don't make decisions, the decisions make you. How other people react to it is their problem, so if they don't like you telling them no, and if they start berating you or trying to force you to say yes, then you need different friends.

A way for you to learn to combat your reservations on saying no, try babysitting or something, where no is required. You have to get used to saying it, sticking with it, and understanding why it's necessary.

Best of luck