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Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
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#1
Hey
All my life I have never been at peace with myself and never really felt secure. The self-hatred I harbored was so intense and came with a lot of anger that I felt the urgent need to do something against myself. Self-harm in teenage years and later when I graduated drugs were my go to to get a handle of that anger. The last 2 years I tried to work on myself, tried to accept myself in some way. I went from self-hatred to something like self compasion/ confidence. At least I thought that I was getting somewhere. But when everything this semester did not work out(failed exams,failed projects) I found myself back in the same place of self disgust. Even after all this work I did on me as a person I am still stuck in the same ****ing place. So I guess it is time to go to therapy(again). I already have an appointment with a psychotherapist in a 2 weeks since depression and anxiety start to worsen again too. But that is still a long waiting time and for something that is not even the start of therapy(I would still need to wait for a place to open up after three first-meeting sessions). So until then I need to figure out how I will manage living with myself. What can I do to manage all the ****** emtions that came up again? |
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Anonymous40506, Cassoway, mote.of.soul, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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Cassoway
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 16
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#2
I am not sure if there is much advice I can give you. I know how hard it is to manage self hatred and yes it is very hard to shake and will creep back if your not careful. It has taken me a long time but I have stopped being so hard on myself when I get the setbacks and I try not to view them as failures or the progress made as lost. I hope things get better for you soon.
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Whereto52
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
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#3
I have experienced quite a drop in feeling good about myself in the past year.
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Cassoway, RoxanneToto, Whereto52
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
4 34 hugs
given |
#4
Quote:
I tried to see it that way too but I see other people who manage to keep a steady progress or get decent grades and then I look at myself. For some reason for me its more set backs than progress. Everyone around seems to be 2000 steps ahead in life while I struggle to even get 2 steps in. |
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modestlychee6463
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
4 34 hugs
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#5
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 16
2 21 hugs
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#6
Quote:
Also, there are some people who are doing better, and do so in ways which seem effortless and really hard to understand. I try to, remind myself that this is life, some people get breaks, some people have different skills and abilities and most importantly of all, some people don't have to deal with the same s#!t of doubt, self hatred and low mood as others. Maybe your two steps forward are a much greater achievement than theirs because of what you have to overcome to.make them. Also who gets to dictate success? Maybe other people's success isn't as meaningful as they think it is if you can find a way to judge success in your terms? |
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Whereto52
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
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#7
What happened is that I have had to be with a person who doesn't seem to like me all that much and it just makes me feel worse about myself in my own life. I hardly get to spend time with people with whom I'm sure I would feel better hanging around. I feel I've accomplished little in life and the interests I do have I'm not able to share with anyone hardly.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
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#8
I feel like I hate myself a little bit because I seem rather negative and feel hated too. I hate myself because I seem mired in some kind of bad mood all because of getting more bad news. I feel like I hate myself because I seem to have little hope in life and that I can't seem to get out of this gloom and I feel like I'm just another someone to scorn instead of someone to respect. I don't see how I'll feel good about me when all I see is what hasn't worked all that well for me.
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Cassoway
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 16
2 21 hugs
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#9
It's really difficult to be where you are right now. It's very difficult to find any meaningful. Advice which is maybe where dialofuing with people who share this kind of ideation can help. I try to alleviate these symptoms in different ways one of which was self medication which nearly killed me and self harm which is often my go to response. I managed to stop the self medication 19 years ago but the self hatred and urges to self harm and self sabotage in response to low mood are still a huge problem for me. I can really identify with your difficulties in seeing a way through. You aren't on your own.
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JacobFreddy65, Whereto52
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
3 62 hugs
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#10
Thanks, Cassoway. It just seems like I'll never feel all that good about this girl I am. I have tried to lift others up. It's just hard to see why I even bother anymore. Life has a way of showing how less I am and I feel like saying to hell with it. I know I'm not alone.
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Cassoway, Whereto52
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Cassoway
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 16
2 21 hugs
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#11
Quote:
__________________ We rise by lifting others |
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Whereto52
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