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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 83
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#1
Hey
When I was in 10-15 my brother and I were bullied by a lot of people at my school. Not just classmates. Later when we turned 13 and moved to a new place some of them would have the same way home since they lived in our neighbourhood. Those experiences lead to depression, self harm, social anxiety and a few suicide attempts. My self worth was totaly ****ed. I'm 22 now and believed to be over it since I don't feel anything when I think about those times. But I still feel helpless in social situations. I still smile and laugh it off when someone is being an asshole to me. Everytime someone gets angry I just get startled, laugh and say something to avoid the situation. I get nervous when a group of people is talking loudly on the bus. With 19 I was bullied out of my part time job by a few coworkers. Stayed in a toxic friendship with someone who would ridicule his friends in front of everyone, insult them and putting them down. So somehow I still behave like I did before which means that I am not over it and still have this "was bullied" mark on me. I already went to therapy for a long time but I never really did behavioral therapy. And can't until april/mai nexr year for insurance policy reasons. So I want to know from you guys, how do I get better? How do I lose this target on my back? |
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