Recovering from bullying

@Whereto52 Thank you for bringing this up, Whereto52. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, and I think it takes a lot of strength to write about it and ask these questions. You're going in the right direction.

I haven't read the other responses from my fellow posters yet, but here is my response / advice / insight from what I've gathered very recently: I have been bullied too. I have been bullied out of jobs, in school where I couldn't hide, and I also used to be friends with jerks. I don't know about you, but I am a very nice person in social situations. Probably too nice. I think this is probably a problem. Some people take advantage of nice people. It is not a personal thing. It is the way I'm coming to realize the world works. Some people are mean to nice people. Why? Because they can get away with it. We won't tell anyone, we won't call them on their ****. We're too scared to do anything. And that is the crux of it. People who bully, people who treat others poorly, can only count on us not doing anything about it. If someone does something hurtful to you, you need to tell them to go **** off. Or tell your boss. Avoidance can work, but it only goes so far. I know its scary to stand up for yourself. Find ways to learn how. There is a false belief that if you are nice to someone, they will respect you and treat you well. Unfortunately, in our world, this is a false belief and it is not true. It doesn't mean you should be a jerk yourself and treat people poorly. I don't think being nice is the issue. I think its more that we don't stand up for ourselves. I get a lot out of being kind to others. But that doesn't mean I should take others ****.

In the workplace, however, we need to be appropriate. Telling someone to **** off is not appropriate. Find ways to tell / show them they cannot treat you that way. It will help. I always cowered at my bullies. I pretended they weren't there. I ignored the problem. I tried to be nice. I tried to be friends with them. None of this helped because this is not how they work. Its not how the world works. I also think toxic environments are real. Put yourself in situations and with people who are nice to you. Who you feel good around. It will help to work on improving your self esteem as well.

It is hard and scary to stand up for yourself. I think it will be worth it. Experiment with it. You may not get it "right" on the first try. Keep going. Be patient with yourself. Practice. I'm right there learning with you and practicing, btw. You're not alone. We aren't alone either.

I hope I helped. Be well.

****** treatment is always your opportunity to say no and walk away.