Is anyone here older & still not confident either?

I’m 51 years old & still not confident. Does any older people on here still not feel confident about themselves either?I have always had self esteem issues due to being bullied my whole life by my family & some of my former classmates, supervisors & coworkers.

I’ve always been shy & introverted. I used to suffer from panic attacks. I still have social anxiety, but I don’t get panic attacks anymore thankfully.

I tried therapy & medication but nothing really helped me much. I’m not really getting anymore support from friends or my husband. They don’t really want to support me. Especially my husband.

He is a cold & unempathic person. He tends to blame me for most of my problems & he thinks that I’m to sensitive & that I overreact to things.

I have tried reading articles & books on building self esteem, but nothing works.

It’s hard to feel good about yourself when people keep criticizing you & saying stuff like you’re fat, or you’re to negative, weird, to sensitive, crazy, etc. It hurts.

Even do called friends have put me down before & complained about me . Two of them actually accused me of being a drug addict for taking prescription medication.

So because of this, I have low self esteem. Ocassionay some people will say nice things about me, but it’s not that often. I tend to get ignored, dismissed & disrespected often.

I don’t deserve that as I’m a good person who usually treats other people with respect. I rarely disrespect other people intentionally. I’m kind & honest too.

I don’t understand why people mistreat me at times. This is why it’s hard for me to be a confident person.

I think the whole confidence thing hinges on not allowing yourself to base your self esteem on others opinion of you.

Sounds easy? Well unfortunately it’s not so simple for many of us. There’s times when we do have to listen to others feedback because there may be valid observations in there. But also the same time we need to get the balance, to know when a point is fair and valid.

For me it’s about understanding my flaws and weaknesses but still believing in myself and working on progress. I’m not totally self confident all the time but I’ve had improvements. I’d say to you to celebrate seemingly small achievements is a great thing to do.

I’m sorry, it must be very hard if your spouse is so critical, it’s something I personally would not cope well with.

Thanks for offering your opinion. Yes, it is hard to living with a fault finding spouse who never wants to listen to you talk about much of anything. I never get asked how I’m feeling or what’s wrong if I’m upset about something.

That sounds very invalidating. Has he always treated you this way?

Having uncaring spouse must be hard. My first husband was not particularly emphatic but that was long time ago.

If leaving isn’t an option, then I think it’s time to stop expecting anything from him. Look for other people to share with. I’d not base my self esteem on a spouse especially indifferent one

Yes unfortunately.

It is. He is like a robot. Sorry to hear about your first husband.

Sorry you’re dealing with this. My reply would be to leave but there’s reasons why people stay I understand. I hope you can work on ways to deal with his invalidating behaviour. Do you have coping strategies?

Thanks. I can’t leave. I have nowhere to go. I tead books & online articles. I try to not be to hard on myself.

I ditched the toxic people in my life from my family to toxic friends. I ended a friendship with my one friend group that I kept complaining about back in August.

It would be nice to get support from other people, but it seems like I need to keep things to myself mostly as no one really wants to hear me complain about things.

Especially when they have their own problems to feal with. I’m expected to deal with everything on my own just like they supposedly do.

I no longer have a therapist. I can’t afford therapy due to not having any insurance,, so I’m out of luck.