Advices for an 18 years old

Ok i am new so i am gonna publish this here.
Hey everyone, I'm reaching out for some guidance and support, and I'd appreciate any help you can offer. I'm a university student, just starting out, and I'm 18 years old. Coming from an area where my accent is often seen as amusing, I've never had many friends. The environment where I grew up wasn't conducive to studying or humor, and many people were unkind.

Recently, I went to a club with a guy from my almost deserted university residence. Despite feeling misled about the social scene there, I ended up encountering drama when one of the guys got into a fight with his ex-girlfriend, who was also present. Despite her flirtations with me, I tried to be respectful and didn't want to interfere. But when I began chatting and dancing with another girl, the guy's friend confronted me, claiming she was his. It left me feeling disrespected and questioning the dynamics of respect in social interactions. It made me question whether this person considered my feelings at all. It wasn't just a matter of being seen as a friend; it felt like a personal affront to my dignity.

I've formed groups and feel accepted, being in some way the guy who is funny (which girls liked in the first place), but lately, I've been struggling to assert myself and share my opinions. It's like I'm afraid to speak up, and I end up staying silent. Additionally, I often feel isolated as many students leave for their hometowns, leaving me alone. I've transitioned from being a loner to someone making an effort, but I still lack confidence. Bullying and betrayal in the past have left me wary of trusting others. So, I'm looking for advice and tips on how to improve my social skills, speak up more confidently, and overcome my fear of judgment. Specifically, I want to learn how to:

- Speak louder and with more confidence
- Stop depending on others' opinions for validation
- Express my thoughts and opinions, especially in group settings
- Not give too much importance to others' perceptions of me
- Manage my eagerness to make friends and learn to enjoy my solitude
- Work on being less lazy at times, but still maintaining balance.

In addition to these challenges, I often find myself unsure of whether I'm being teased or genuinely respected, due to past negative experiences.

Furthermore, being away from home for extended periods, especially as many students return to their hometowns on weekends, leaves me feeling disconnected and lonely. I'm even resorting to online connections to alleviate this isolation, which just in 1 case has led me to meet someone.

Recently, I've been going to the gym, where I had positive interactions with two girls whom I asked a lot of questions and got along well with, although we didn't say goodbye afterwards. I also met two guys from my class, but I felt some tension in the air, although it dissipated later on. Additionally, that same day at the gym, two classmates glanced at me and didn't greet me, except for one whom I gave a bit of a dirty look to.

Sometimes, when I make plans with someone casually in a group, I experience a sense of derealization, which leaves me feeling uneasy. I'm not exactly sure why this happens, but I'm determined to work on it.

Lastly, I've noticed that I often feel tension and derealization when speaking with people, but I don't know how bad that is.

It's also worth mentioning that I don't see my parents for four months straight, while others go home on weekends to see them, receive homemade food and clothes, etc. Meanwhile, I'm left to fend for myself and learn to live independently. It's frustrating to hear from my parents during calls that I need to improve addint tips of course, as if it's some sort of lesson (It is), but I'm trying my best despite the multitude of challenges. Despite all this, I'm hopeful for a better future.

I'm just looking for practical advice and support to improve my situation and reach my full potential. I hope to overcome these challenges and become the person I've always wanted to be. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

Hi @Gottix welcome to MSF. I am glad to hear you are pursuing education. That is admirable.

I think you have a good attitude except giving that dirty look to 2 classmates. You never know when someone will turn into a friend so be careful how you react. First impressions can be lasting ones.

Dances are nice in a way but I have had guys want to fight me at dances. There is a lot of testosterone when guys are around women and maybe drinking or getting high. I have learned to avoid those for that reason, but I outgrew that decades ago. Clubs can be a way to meeti people with similar interests and therei is a lot less passion and more communication in them than dances.

I am sorry your parents are nagging you. Sounds like it is best not to complain to them. Do you need to improve more in your courses, is that why they nag you?

The best advice if you are 18 is you are early in life and your perspective will change over time. I dropped out of school after the first year and started working because I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I found it difficult to focus without a goal and I was very alone. Later I paid for my schooling on my own so that was a lesson too. My parents did not understand my decision but I suffered from depression and no one really knew how to deal with that back then. The most they could say was get over it. That is not helpful but this was long ago. The stigma of mental health was very big then, but still is in some places.

You may get more responses in the New Member Forum or some other forum in here https://mysupportforums.org/

If you want to chat more about this respond to this post or send me a private message by clicking on CANDC to the left of this message and Send A Private Message to CANDC in drop down menu.

With Kind Regards,
CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message]

Welcome @Gottix! I think @CANDC's response was spot on. I'll just mention that I went through a lot of what you're going through. It was before there were cell phones and even Internet.

I think if you spend your free time pursuing things you're passionate about, you'll meet like-minded people; some of these will be dateable women. I've never been to a Meetup, but I think if I were you, I'd find a few that involved nature, such as mushroom foraging, visiting an apiary, raptor sighting. But that's just me.

There's this saying that you should just be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Good luck!

Regarding speaking louder and with more confidence: I myself have not faced that challenge but I know people who have and several of them have spoken very highly of their experiences upleveling their public speaking skills and confidence via Toastmasters. Seeing that you live in Spain, I have gotten this link for you:

Toastmasters International -Find a Club