[Rusty058]

Not sure where to begin.Im 58,married for 13 yrs(2nd time) Always had an anger issue but it was always directed inward.I hated myself.I also loved porn which made me feel good about myself,an escape of sorts.Then I discovered the world of Twitter and the cam site Chaturbate. I thought to myself that it would be interesting to get to know on a personal level one of the women on here.(Ill call her KP)I located her on Twitter and " liked" some of her pictures she posted.She private messaged me and we began talking.Right then I knew we had connected and an emotional bond developed.Financially I helped her with her mothers medical bills(brain surgery)and to a smaller extent her law school tuition.(she is in a 6 yr program @ Krok University in Kiev)Then she blew up at me saying I lied about something and we did not talk for 3 weeks.Feeling guilty I confessed this to my wife and she gave me a second chance) Then I checked my email and KP told me she was all alone,her mother had died June7(her father died Nov.2015) Now before anyone starts telling me I'm an idiot and living a fantasy all she said I independently verified.Everything was true.We reconnected again.KP is my sexual soulmate,the type of woman I have always wanted in my life.Sexually anything goes with her.She is not a stupid bimbo.She is an extremely intelligent and determined 28 yr old in her final year of law school.My wife on the other hand is the same type person but w/o the sexual energy.I have been seeing a marriage therapist AND a therapist for myself trying to deal with the toxic shame (as defined by John Bradshaw in his book Healing the shame that binds us)which rules my existence for 58 yrs.My therapist knows about KP.Everything is going to blow up by years end as KP is coming to the US in December and wants to meet.Meeting in person I know will mean throwing away everything.We are addicted to each other and I'm powerless to resist.She supplies a need in me that is so deep seeded I cannot stop not seeing her.If I end up with neither woman (which is a possibility) I would surely take my own life.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Rusty058: Well... from what you wrote, it sounds as though you've pretty-much made up your mind with regard to all of this. So I'm not sure there's much of anything to write here. However I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Hello, Rusty058.