[ArianeB]

So I'm an only child, and when I was young my family situation - having two single parents who tend to be loners - meant that I spent a lot of time involuntarily alone. For me, this meant that over time I started feeling that there was something wrong with me, that people didn't like me, and that if I was more likeable I would have more companions. At times, I would almost destroy friendships because when they wouldn't quell my loneliness, I would feel betrayed, (lets just say I took teenage breakups VERY seriously to the point of absurdity). At the same time, whenever I tell people these feelings, they can't believe it. They find me really likeable with lots of friends and don't know why I would feel lonely. So I guess my loneliness and insecurity is all in my own head, just exacerbated by memories of my upbringing and introverted personality.

I'm wondering what I can do to help my self esteem not succumb to these severe lapses into self doubt. Every year or so, they really throw a wrench into my friendships and career. When something isn't working, I become terrified that I'm doomed to be alone forever and fall off the wagon a little bit.

Any ideas?

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by ArianeB

So I'm an only child, and when I was young my family situation - having two single parents who tend to be loners - meant that I spent a lot of time involuntarily alone. For me, this meant that over time I started feeling that there was something wrong with me, that people didn't like me, and that if I was more likeable I would have more companions. At times, I would almost destroy friendships because when they wouldn't quell my loneliness, I would feel betrayed, (lets just say I took teenage breakups VERY seriously to the point of absurdity). At the same time, whenever I tell people these feelings, they can't believe it. They find me really likeable with lots of friends and don't know why I would feel lonely. So I guess my loneliness and insecurity is all in my own head, just exacerbated by memories of my upbringing and introverted personality.

I'm wondering what I can do to help my self esteem not succumb to these severe lapses into self doubt. Every year or so, they really throw a wrench into my friendships and career. When something isn't working, I become terrified that I'm doomed to be alone forever and fall off the wagon a little bit.

Any ideas?

I hear that if a person continuously practices telling themselves that they can rather than can't that their Psyche will soon catch up with them, and will actually feel it sooner rather than later. As you may be well aware of.

I have a Mental Health Self Employment Coach that tells me to "Quit the Shittty Committy" The Committy being our Mind Chatter (you know cuz our brains have been worked over since we were little and even when we try to re-train it, it's so hard because our "Shittty Committy" confuses us and stops us in our tracks) Hello Low Self-Esteem

I also have a Affirmations for Self-Esteem
For Example:

I am lovable and capable
I am a unique and special person. There is no one else quite like me in the entire world.
I fully accept and believe in myself just the way I am.
I accept all the different parts of myself.
I'm already worthy as a person. I don't have to prove myself.
My feelings and needs are important.
ECT...

I know it seems really funny to repeat these things to yourself, but after awhile it just sorta sticks.

I bet you could google self affirmations and print some off. Or write out some for yourself, what you like about you. And repeat it out loud to yourself daily.

These WILL build on your self-confidence, and your self doubt will diminish. Remember as you may already be aware of, it's not like boom over night.

[ArianeB]

thx sickly sweet. your advice is really helpful. very grounded. I appreciate it and I will work on making my own mantra. I've seen already how in certain areas its helpful to try and just accept things as they are. Be well!