[DocJohn]

Before you can begin to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it. Change doesn't necessarily happen quickly or easily, but it can happen. You are not powerless! Once you have accepted, or are at least willing to entertain the possibility that you are not powerless, there are three steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem:

* Step 1: Rebut the Inner Critic
* Step 2: Practice Self-Nurturing
* Step 3: Get Help from Others

Learn more here:

https://cmhc.utexas.edu/selfesteem.html

Enjoy the forum and remember, be good and support each other!
DocJohn

[vacantangel]

I for one, am glad to see this new forum. Thanks Doc John for providing this new forum for us.

I basically have NO self-esteem. It has been squashed and trampled on since early childhood, creating in me extremely negative thinking. In fact, I have so much self-hatred that I fail to see why others could possibly like me. I need constant reassurance, very tiring on those in my life. Is there hope for someone who is in my position? I think if I could improve my self-esteem, maybe some of my other issues in life might just fall into place and not become real issues to begin with. Opinions?

[saudade]

Yes, yes and yes. I am living proof of it.

Good move :-)

[h0kie]

Thanks for "hearing" our voices Doc. We can always count on you to take care of us.

Thanks again!

[lenjan]

Don't the self-esteem forum and the "kudos and affirmations" forum kind of duplicate each other?

[TryingBelieve]

I don't think the self-esteem forum and "kudos & affirmations" forum really duplicate each other. The kudos and affirmations tend to come from others. Self-esteem is coming from, well, yourself. I think we all need not only to hug ourselves a little bit more, but learn and remember that we are huggable. We're darn huggable!

[Isolated_Guy]

Angel Girl is back!

She has been one who has given me valuable advice on how to find my own self esteem.

If only she would practice the same for herself.

[kimmydawn]

thanks, docjohn! this is going to be a great place for support i think.

candy, no i don't think it's even close to a duplication. i think kudo's is more for others recognizing a person publicly. i think this forum is for those of us who struggle with inner/outer bad feedback, and can come and get support and "healthy" feedback on the truth of what we're hearing. i, for one, second guess myself way too much due to all of the negative internal and external feedback in my life. this is going to be a great thing for me...any many i hope.

welcome everyone! i'm so excited

[vacantangel]

I think I forgot everything I said to you. btw, not so sure I'm really back yet.

[Isolated_Guy]

You ARE back.

QUOTE from your signature: I'm pulled down by the undertow. ...

You are your own undertow.

[vacantangel]

Yea, to some degree I am but I had a lot of help in getting to the depths of depression that I'm in now.

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks, Dr. John, for a great place to discuss issues associated with developing self-esteem. I think this serves a really positive purpose.

[radio_flyer]

Wow, a self-esteem forum. Sounds like a good idea to me.They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I am up for the challenge.

[Poppet]

Brilliant idea - think I may be here a lot

Good self esteem is the most important thing to try and acheive. And I would imagine that most of us on here are lacking in it, at least in some areas.

I have struggled with it all my life........Poppet

[SeptemberMorn]

Wooooooooohooooooooooooooo!! Thanks, Doc John! What a pleasant surprise!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

[inkblot]

He aims to please!

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
THREE Faces of Low Self-Esteem

Most of us have an image of what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Here are three common faces that low self-esteem may wear:

The Impostor: acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of others - especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is from the link Doc John posted to us to get us going. Does anyone recognize themselves even just a little bit? Don't feel bad. I do!

Right here: Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority. And then this: problems with perfectionism, procrastination,... and burn-out.

Speaking for myself, I already know what caused my lack of self-esteem, but sometimes I wonder if we really need to know the "why." The fact is, I need to work on it some more.

What do ya'll think? Do you feel you need to know who, why or what? It's your choice.

Like I've said, I've always been a rebel in one way or the other. That's not to say that I didn't believe the critisisms; I did. Old tapes. When I hear them, I tell myself exactly the opposite.

"You're so dumb!" - "No, I'm not! I've always passed my English classes with an 'A'!" My therapist told me that if one has the mastery of the English language, like being able to read and right well, then the doors of the world are open to you.

"Why can't you be more like your cousins?!" - Because I'm not them. I AM me; my own unique self with my own likes and dislikes and my own goals in life.

"I want you to have an important career like your cousins." - I want my "career" to be a good wife and mother. (BTW... I made it! ) I've also gone as far as I can go with college English classes. Maybe in my later years, I'll be a writer. Not my mother's idea of an "important career." Not mine either! hehe I've already accomplished that!

Good luck, guys! I'm really looking forward to what this forum is going to accomplish.

An important PS: You guys that feel you have a better handle on self-esteem, please, please contribute your experiences. We all need all the help we can get.

[inkblot]

I'm the same as you, especially with PTSD as the focus of it. My ex is the faker--excuse me, the imposter. Had to scroll down. Same difference, I suppose.

[TryingBelieve]

Me, I am the Loser. I definitely wait for someone to come to the rescue. Only, I don't think I act helpless, I am helpless. Sometimes I feel like this is the real me. That when I was holding down a job, and doing a great job at work, that was fake. Make sense?

[SS8282]

Thanks Doc.

[inkblot]

Actually, when PTSD is extra strong, I will be helpless. Normally things are what I said before, but if I am doing really "well", I will be more positive, hoping to prove to myself and others what a great person I am--the imposter. I think I understand.

[mashhill]

HI NEW HERE, HOW IS EVERY 1

[SeptemberMorn]

Hi, Mashhill and welcome!

[Rapunzel]

I think I alternate between the imposter and the loser. I can see both of those in me. Not usually the rebel, although occasionally there may be a touch of that too.

[PlanningtoLive]

I am definitely the "imposter". I get terrified that someone will see the real me, and boy do I have issues with perfectionism and burnout! Hiding out takes alot of energy.