[Bjork]

I went to my psychiatrist last night and told him I was despressed because I wasn't depressed because I wasn't attractive. He told me that I "would be attractive if I got a makeover or something". That , to me, means that yes, I *am* ugly. I mean I understand I am nice and kind and good on the inside, but it just doesn't seem to matter to other people unless you are completely gorgeous, which I am not.

Bjork

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Bjork --

To me, this depends on what your doc means by a makeover. If he meant cosmetic surgery, I would consider getting another doctor. That was a cruel comment and did little to help you work through your issues of self-judgment about your looks.

If he meant to splurge on what traditionally is considered a makeover -- new haircut, maybe some hair dye, makeup advice, clothing advice -- that can make a huge difference in how we see ourselves. And how we see ourselves affects how we present ourselves -- both visually and in what we say and our non-verbal gestures (hunched shoulders, darting eyes or straight posture, strong eye contact, etc.).

I hope this wasn't the sum of the conversation but that there was discussion of your issues surrounding this.

[SeptemberMorn]

WOW! I agree with Wants2!

Somewhere I read, when Brooke Shields was in her hey-day that she was self-conscious of her heighth and also had low self-esteem. If you ask me, she's drop dead gorgeous! Seems good looks don't do that much for making you feel good about yourself.

For me, looks aren't that important. It's what's in someone's heart that matters. They can come in a "brown paper wrapper" but it's what's in the package that matters. What good does it do you to be beautiful but have a heart of stone? NOT AT ALL!

I have a nasty neighbor across the street that was really harassing us this last summer. He once told me to "shut up." I told him to come over and make me. Idiot didn't understand what I meant and he said, "No, you're too fat." My response? "I may be fat but you're ugly." I can change my looks but he can't because he's ugly on the inside, too. I didn't waste any time or energy feeling down because he called me "fat." LOL I know I am and I accept it.

[vacantangel]

That's really good that you're that strong but not everyone is. I'm glad you didn't buckle when he made that comment to you. Good for you!!!

Bjork - I have to agree with wants2 as well. In what way did he mean his comment? If you don't know, you should ask him the next time. That would've really thrown me had it been me. ((((((((((Bjork))))))))))))

[Bjork]

I think that he meant that if I changed my image (wore make up, dressed a different way, acted differently, etc.) then I might be pretty. This leads me to believe that in my current state I am not. I thought I was "okay" at the very least, but this leaves me wondering if I am even "okay" looking at all.

Bjork

[Isolated_Guy]

Bjork, I wasn't sure if I should respond because of my situation.

It's not uncommon for people to think they're unattractive even though they really aren't, based only on their own internal thoughts and nothing more.

Can I ask you just why you feel the way you do?

[vacantangel]

Bjork - I think it was really insensitive for him to say anything at all. You would think he would know better with the job he has. Sweetie, you go with your original feelings about yourself and don't listen to him. He's obviously a JERK!!!

[Isolated_Guy]

Oh, man.

I made a mistake in the wording and forgot the "not" after the "are".

I went back to editmy stupid mistake.

I'm so sorry about that.

[Isolated_Guy]

You're right for being mad upon seeing that, AG.

If anyone knows me at all, I hope they know I would never say anything like that on purpose.

Bjork, I'm so very sorry about that.

[vacantangel]

You've lost me Gary. I'm not mad at you. I was talking about her pdoc. I went back and couldn't find what you're referring to.

[SeptemberMorn]

I think what he meant was that you would feel better about yourself if you did something about what you listed. Most women have the need to "primp," to wear makeup and do their hair in an attractive cut for them. "Clothes make the man" is or used to be an addage. Well, maybe not ... or women either, but when you know you did your best to look your best, you feel better!

I got my hair weaved today so that I can go ahead and let my greys grow out. I felt great! ...until I looked in the mirror and realized I needed makeup. Guess who's gonna start wearing makeup again? LOL It may not matter to my husband, my kids, my best friend whether I wear makeup or not, BUT IT MATTERS TO ME!

[SeptemberMorn]

See? It WAS NOT about you but you took it that way! SHEEEESH!

[Bjork]

But, while I don't wear makeup, I *was* dressed up all pretty because I *love* to dress nicely. My mom raves over how I look before I leave the door. I thought I looked decent already and didn't deserve that comment. I know I need to lose weight to look better though..

Bjork

you know, i think he meant a primping makeover...being a man, he probably meant hair, makeup, nails, etc. that's how i would take it if my T said that. and you know, it wouldn't hurt my feelings because i dont' wear makeup very often and when i do.......i look really, really different. xoxox pat

[Bjork]

Hehe... in reference to your sig... when I'm depressed I *dont* eat! The shopping bit I do though. Honestly, I have been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa for almost 12 years. The only reason that my recent pictures are "fat" is because I was in a treatment for a year and then some...

Bjork