[little*rhino]

i've been giving a lot of thought to this... i've had a bad experience here and so, i don't post anything about my own stuff here anymore. It isn't safe for me... but.. i've come to wonder about the balance between seeking support and progress.

are there any survivors here who have moved into a place they feel is at that goal? Are there members who have made it through and now live lives that are as close as one can ever get to what it might have been without the trauma issues?

[Yoda]

Yes. Finally.

Not normal but I am now happy to be alive. That took a very long time.

I remember asking my psychiatrist in 2005 if this is as good as it gets. She said she didn't know. At that time I was still having an awful struggle and did not think the flashbacks would ever end. Honestly I don't think the flashbacks will ever be completely over for there are things still that trigger me but they are less frequent.

I am changed now and I don't like some of the changes but what can I do? I do not trust people anymore and never ever want to be in a relationship again. I would rather be with my horse than with people; my horse and I trust each other but people... People are not safe.

I don't think you ever get over some things. I will never be the same person I was. I am healing but where there is a wound there will be a scar.

I wish you the best. It isn't easy and sometimes it seems hopeless. Sometimes you just manage to get through the day and at times to get through moments. But even though it feels hopeless there really is hope.

[Pomegranate]

For me, my goal was to thrive, not just survive. So I would have to say no, I haven't reached my goal. I'm much better now than I was. I have continued to grow and get better - MUCH BETTER - over the years from my 20's to now in my 50's. I have peace in my life. But the peace has come with a price - the loneliness of pretty much having no family. I've never been able to work out being a part of my family without my PTSD kicking in and they have never been particularly interested in me and "MY problems." Except of course for blaming me for my problems - like I had a choice!

I was so very mentally ill for so long that only in the past dozen years or so have I been able to think about and try making friends, building my own family to make up the loss. So far I haven't been very successful. My PTSD still interferes quite a bit in my life, my emotions, my mind. Also I think I'm just naturally the type of person who is more of a loner, but I do wish that I had one or two more people in my life as friends, as "family." I think those things come naturally and can't be forced. I keep trying.

[Seabirdanne]

I don't know if your illness gets better or your disorders get better, but your understanding gets better. You learn to live, as they say, with what you cannot change, and to appreciate what you have. I know I'm way more outgoing and what have you than I was eight years ago. But am I really better in terms of not being depressed any more, in terms of knowing how to relate to people? I doubt it. I'm just not as ashamed of myself and my imperfections as I used to be.

So things are better in a way, but the problems are all still there. But that's life. Not everyone gets the great life or the easy life. We got challenging lives, and I guess it's not whether we overcome (or deny) our problems that is the marker of "success," but how we come to terms with our own situations, whether we reach out and try to connect in spite of it all, try to bear witness to our own lives and conditions, or just retreat inward and hide.

Or something.

[multipixie9]

I am not at a final place of wellness/wholeness. I AM at a better place than I have ever been and I believe more progress will come. 15 years ago I was a complete wreck and terrified of life and people. I was also addicted to pain killers. My issues created migraines and body pain and the pills to help that I used to try and end my emotional pain and I got majorly effed up. (this was just after my mom died - she was my worst abuser - and right before I was dx'd as having mpd/d.i.d.

Things are much better in my mind and now my marriage is in a very bad place. However, I can actually handle this now instead of s.i.ing or sui.ing. I'm struggling, but I am not overcome by this bad time. For me, this is HUGE progress.

I believe I will come to a place of peace and being able to deal with life. I do not believe anyone has a "hollywood happily ever after life". Life is just challenging for everyone. I DO believe that I can become reconciled to my past and the people in it and come to some sort of peace with my life in present terms.

As long as I am alive there is hope. Healing Happens. Thanks for asking such a thought-provoking question, Little Rhino!

[kris9999]

In my opinion, the closest any abuse survivor can get is acceptance and forgiveness. You will never truly forget what happened and be happy about it, but you can over come the hard feelings and pain. I think the ultimate goal for abuse survivors is to learn to cope with their past and move forward and I do very much think that it is possible.

Mostly you have to learn to forgive the abuser and yourself. That is the most difficult part of the process. Once you have done that, than I believe the road to happiness becomes a lot less bumpy.

Take care and I hope all is well!
Kris

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by little*rhino

are there any survivors here who have moved into a place they feel is at that goal? Are there members who have made it through and now live lives that are as close as one can ever get to what it might have been without the trauma issues?

Little rhino,
I feel like I have made significant progress in healing. At this point I can say that I have significantly less anxiety and mental noise associated with non-sexual contact. I have some major touch issues since I can remember. Now I am fairly comfortable. For me...things are getting better. I've even started to be able to have live conversations with my T about some of my past experiences. Its been a slow process but I am doing a lot better.