[ashsoccergirl]

Its been a while since i last posted cuz ive been really busy with soccer and school but now that soccer is over i finally have some free time. I kinda wished i didnt have free time though cuz now i have time to actually feel but im afraid of that.
I dnt kno what to feel lately cuz a lot has been hapening. My brother moved out of the house to live with my dad recently so he hasnt hurt me in a while.(thank god) and things have been ok around my house for me since but his move has also caused some pain for me and my mom. i hate that my mom doesnt believe me but i hate to see her sad and my brother living with my dad does that cuz they didnt want anything to do with each other before but its kind of a slap in the face for my mom. and it pisses me off cuz when i stayed with my dad before i was stuck sleeping on the couch but now he has enough room for my brother and his new family to stay with them.
I thought i was fine but now i dnt kno what to think or feel. Im glad that i finally dnt have to worry about my brother molesting me but it kinda feels like that was the only way he showed his love for me and now he doesnt love me. i have all this pain inside and i kno he doesnt feel nothin which isnt fair. i hate looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like dirt and keeping everything to myself but i got no one to talk to. i had a therapist but i wasnt ready to talk about it with her so now im all alone. and on top of that i hate my dad for leaving and not keeping in contact with me but i miss him. i cant take it anymore. i dnt kno what im supposed to do anymore. theres so much more i could say but i have to go now

[ZilchHour]

Hello Soccer Girl!
That is painful, but you still have your mother and although she does not believe you, still you can care for each other. You must try and develop a better relationship with your mother by sharing how do you feel and think... Also the best therapy you can get is from your mother. Sometimes keeping things to yourself is good and at others sharing can be helpful. I think after your dad's moving out, your mother would be feeling lonely and deserted as well. You both suffer the same grief, just tell each other this reality, accept it and show your brother and dad what mistake they made and what good people they have left. If you will not show strength and courage then your brother and dad will have a goo reason of leaving you, whenever they will look back at things, and if you stood hard and fast with your mother, then you two can show them and the rest of the world that you are worth more than anything else. And lastly, if your brother has shown you that he hates you and does not even bother to say even a single word, do not worry, sooner or ;ater he will realise the loss he made, I know for sure that love of the family is an invaluable thing, you are not weak if you love them!!!
Take care of yourself and your mother!!!
Ragards
ZILCH HOUR

[googley]

ashsoccergirl-

I'm glad to hear that your brother has moved out of the house. I hope that you feel safer because of that. Are you in T? If you are you might want to suggest to your T that your mom come in for a session so that you can talk to her in a controlled environment about what happened to you. Your T would be able to support you and explain to your mother the dynamics of what happened and why it is important she support you. Of course only do this if both you and your T after talking about it think it is a good idea. If you are not in T I would suggest that you ask your mom if you could go. If you think she wouldn't be receptive to it is there someone else you could talk to about it (teacher, friend's parent, a friend of your mom, religious leader)? I hope that you get the help and support that you need. Take care of yourself.