Abusive Relationship

<font color="red"> </font> I am 24 and in a abusive marriage. It is more verbal and mental then it is physical. It has gotten physical twice. I am trying to leave but have no where to go for a permanent time and no money because my husband won't let me get a job. My 2 kids are not happy at all and I don't want them growing up in this anymore. I have so many self esteem issues and he doesn't do anything to make me feel any better. I could just use some encouraging words and some advice on how to leave without him knowing because he won't let me out of the house as it is. Thanks.

Get yourself to an abuse shelter, or call as soon as possible. Let them know your situation. They have facilities for women to live in temporarily. They can help you with some legal issues and can help you set up an escape plan too.

If it's gotten physical already, it will continue. You and your kids don't deserve to live like that.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

Hi.. This may well be one of the most difficult experiences you will ever go through! But I can tell you from personal experience (I was about the same age and had two small children too) that it will be one of single most self esteem boosting chances in your life!

You have decided to put your kids first and that is so very important - that will carry you through! Get what ever help you need from family, friends and get the hell out! One physical expession of abuse is one too many!

Good for you and God bless you for putting the children first. You will find, in time, there will be time for you to heal -- but if you don't do something you will always be and victim! AND so will your kids..

Best
Deirdre

Hello, I third all of the above. First off you need to develop and escape plan. Are there ways you can sneak away money, important docs, clothes without him knowing? If so do so now. Also, if he is computer savvy download diskeeper and erase all evidence of where you have been on line. By all means call the closest shelter. They can help with short and long term issues. Do not tell your kids what is going on. Do contact social welfare once you are out and see about stable childcare for kids so you can get on your feet. I don't think I saw where you are from, U.S. is where I am so my advice may be slanted. What a brave woman you are. Please take care and stay in touch here. let us know what is happening.

Well...today I have quietly started packing a little at a time. That way my husband doesn't realize what I am doing. My best friend is helping me out trying to find a job in the sly. But it seems that everytime I get an interview, my husband finds out and won't let me go. Things are getting worse. Instead of fighting every 3 days, we fight everyday. I have a year old beagle. My husband punched him and then threw him down the hallway for peeing on the rug. He has been limping for a week now. My mother is going to take him to the vet tomorrow to make sure his leg is not broke because he refuses to pay for it. He threatened to shot me the other day. How can men one day tell you that they love you and the next say such mean things to you? How can anyone hurt another? I have never said such things to my worst enemies.
I just want to thank eveyone who responded. It helps out a lot knowing people are out there to support you. Oh...I am in Virginia for the people who wanted to know.

Forget packing. The next time you have the opportunity, get out. Any person who would hurt an innocent animal is dangerous. Get the puppy somewhere safe...then take your kids and run. There are shelters to help you until you get established.

You can always buy new clothes. You can't purchase another life.

I hope your puppy is ok. (((((((hugs from me and Lucy the wonder beagle)))))

Creynolds222,

Please contact a shelter or women's crisis center for assistance in getting out asap! I agree the planned leaving is great however your situation is very violent and dangerous and may require faster action than what you are currently doing.

Anyone treating animals like that and threatening to shoot their spouse is seriously in need of more than anger management.

Please check the links below to find help near you and let us know you're continuing to do what you can for your safety.

Virginia Domestic Violence Resources: An Abuse, Rape & Domestic Violence Aid & Resource Collection Statewide Hotline: 800-838-VADV This project was supported by Office for Victims of Crime, U.S. Dept. of Justice.

Domestic Violence Shelters VA

Please Please get out. Have your mom keep the dog for a bit so he will be safe and get yourself safe. You are just used to living with it so you do not see how serious it is. I don't want to frighten you but my sister's ex brutally mutilated and killed a dog in front of her. Later it was abusing the boys. Please get out and be safe. You deserve to have a life!!! Please let us know what you are doing.

PLEASE GET OUT.........HE HURT THE PUPPY, IT WILL BE YOU AND THE CHILDREN NEXT.....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE THE SUGGESTIONS HERE AND LEAVE. PAT

I'm 32 and got out for the first time three years ago. I ended up going back for six months because I felt guilty for bringing children into the world and then subjecting them to a split home. But I had to for many reasons. Emotional/mental abuse and mild physical abuse were two factors. It meant that I lost a lot but it's worth it. If you're in a harmful environment, it's worth the sacrifices to get out. I'm here for you if you need anything. It's a long process but you can survive.

oh, and animal abuse is common with these types of men. my ex. did similar things to punish our dogs too. i remember not knowing what else to do except keep the boys away from the window and get them distracted. i certainly couldn't stop it--a grown man hurting a german shephard is one strong man that a small girl like me could never mess with.

Craynolds222 - here it is in a nut shell. You probably will end up with nothing material. My house was ripped to shreds my job was left in ruins my nerves were more than gone. I took the kids and got hold of a cop and that is all I got.

That being said and although I lost every material thing I had accumulated in 10 years i had my kids. They were not only alive but they are thriving! I thank God for the strength to leave and the strength to go on!

Good luck and may God bless you with the same.

Love
Deirdre

Welcome to psychcentral. GOOD FOR YOU! Getting out of that atmosphere is the best thing you can do for yourself...as long as you don't put yourself into another one.

I wonder about your finances... make sure you call each of HIS creditors and take yourself off of them... write each creditor stating that you will not be responsible for any of his debts from thenceforth. If you have any money, put it into a savings account and open a credit line from that, you will begin your own line of credit this way.

On the computer, make sure you delete temporary files and history so he won't know you come here for support.

Come back and check in often.... be safe.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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i'm glad you got your kids. i wasn't that fortunate at first because after being discharged from the hospital, i went to stay with a friend and didn't return. my ex wouldn't let me have my boys and the cops said that couldn't help unless there was a physical tug of war on the children. i wouldn't put my kids through that. once, he agreed to meet me but then when he found out that i had obtained a couple of extra car seats, he grabbed both boys and strapped them in their seats while they were both screaming and crying for moma. (up till the time i left, i took care of the boys 98% of the time. he was always working on his own stuff) anyway, it ripped my heart out. the police and courts were useless to me. i took on debt that wasn't mine (i was kept out of the finances our whole marriage) because i was told that if i didn't then everything would be sold out from under my ex and i didn't want the boys to lose their house/land they were used to. i knew the division between their mom and dad was hard enough and i was trying to protect them from as much trauma as possible. now, probably toward the end of summer, i'll finally go through bankruptcy. slowly, over the past three years, i've gotten myself to a place where i'm living independently (shared custody of the children) in a public housing development and attending college to finish my degree. it will take me a few years because of my ADD but this semester i finally signed up with the learning disorders center at the university. i share this with you to give you hope. you can make it and you've made the most difficult step. it's going to be hard but it's worth it. life will get better.

I agree. Just leave with the kids and the dog. Let the law settle with him later on. If he can treat an animal like that, and gets angry all of the time, he is a time bomb ready to go off.

Omg, you need to get out of there make sure you get your kids and dog. Forget the packing go somewhere that is safe! No one needs this espically you and your kids plus dog. Are you ever lest in the house alone because thats a good time to get out when he's not there watching your everyo move. {{{{{ creynolds222 }}}}} Your a brave women and can be strong. Try to post us when you feel like you need too.