[buttrfli42481]

My T isn't qualified to deal with my SA so she is sending me to a specialist. How can a person get help if they can't even voice what happened? I can't even write about what happened without going into a panic attack. I need to get it out, scared to have someone else know my story. Scared of telling it, reliving it, acknowledging it. I have to, it is making me sick. I now have an ED on top of everything else. Why me? I can't focus on life in the here or in the future. I am locked in the past.

While I have no helpful advice, I understand

[googley]

Your new T will probably not have you start talking about the SA right away, but instead help you with things like relaxation, grounding, etc and get those skills put in place so you wont feel overwhelmed when you start talking about the SA. It wont be a thing (I would hope at least) where you are expected or asked to talk about it until you are ready. It will take time to get to that point and the specialist will know that.
Take care of yourself.

[Sannah]

THen talk about why it is so hard to talk about then?

[claygenius]

I have no answers....Just that I know where you are coming from and want to send you hugs....

I was in therapy for nearly a year before I began to talk about the SA...and even then it was in very very vague terms. But my T still helped me tremendously.

A skilled therapist will help you and not pressure you to talk before you're ready.

Over time, as you share tiny pieces, the memories also start to lose their power and you won't feel as panicked. At least that's what's happening for me....but it's taken a couple years.

Give yourself plenty of time and space.

[buttrfli42481]

I have been in therapy for 2 1/2 years and still have a hard time saying what SA stands for. I made the call to the new place and am now waiting to hear from the intake specialist, which won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. I see my regular T this Monday, and will still be able to see her. Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.

buttrfli42481, have you ever talked to anyone about what happened? If so, would that person be willing to write out his/her recollection of what you said? Perhaps you could write out what happened. Maybe you could draw a picture story. Have you thought about recording what happened.

You have to find a way to get the information to your therapist.

Good luck.

[buttrfli42481]

Byz, I have talked in pieces about what happened. Not enough for there to be a good picture. There is no way that I could draw a picture story. The only way to see the pictures is to climb inside my head and see what I see. Only panic on the outside. I was triggered severely at my support group by someone who described what happened to them. I about jumped out of my chair, immediately into the fetal position. My T saw me and thought I was going to pass out. That is how bad it is. If I can't hear someone else talk about it, how am I to hear myself talk about it?

[Bill3]

I have been in therapy for 2 1/2 years and still have a hard time saying what SA stands for.

I'm really sorry that it has been so very hard for you to make progress.

You did type "SA" here. That was really good.

***

Here is an idea. It may or may not be a good idea.

If it seems good to you, then discuss it with your T before you do anything.

***

What if you try to write what happened, but you write as little as one word down at a time?

Write a word or two on an index card. Then store the index card in a box or envelope. Then, at a later time, perhaps the next day, write another word or two on a different index card. Put that next card into the box or envelope.

Try to write at least once per day.

Don't try to write more than a word or two at one sitting.

Don't look at the cards that are already in the box/envelope. That could be too much at one time.

Each time you see your T, give her/him the cards.

[buttrfli42481]

I really like that idea. I will be seeing my current T tonight and will suggest it to her. I have an appt with the new T for next Friday morning. Scared about going, but am ready to get it out. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

[Bill3]

I think you can. I think you can. I think you can.

Good luck!

[jexa]

You can do it!! You are being so brave.

If I can't hear someone else talk about it, how am I to hear myself talk about it?

You might surprise yourself about what you are capable of. This is your life you are working so hard to fix.

A suggestion, break the telling into more manageable parts. Start with the parts you have the least amount of trauma talking about. Build on the story as you become more comfortable. Make sure that you recognize how well you did to divulge more information. Think about your emotions after providing more information. How hard was it? You have demonstrated you are capable of some disclosure. Proceed at your own pace.

Love yourself. You are an important person.

[buttrfli42481]

I made it through the appointment! Had a minor anxiety attack, but think it was more tied to running a little late than anything. I really like this T. She is very sweet and understanding. She also said that I can continue to see my other T. The last time I attempted at going to the specialist, I didn't feel a connection with the T. This time it was like "this is meant to be." I am actually looking forward to going back next week. My goal is To Get IT Out. There is a light in my life and it is growing brighter.

[Bill3]

Good work!

And thanks for sharing the good news!

[WePow]

Great news !!!!!!!!!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I would go VERY SLOW with this, then and tell the t's I need to go slow and at my own pace!

It's okay, there is a saying in my 12 step program, "you are right where you are supposed to be."

Peace.

Billi