[WePow]

My T wants me to find out what my inner child needs. I am lost on this one so I decided to let my inner me write. Little W is very sad and so I asked her what she was sad about. This is what she said. This is not an alter - I am blended for the most part now. It is just the part of me that is the combined young hurt stuff I guess. Has anyone done any work with inner child needs?

Big W,

I sometimes just feel lost.
Sometimes it feels like everything keeps happening but it isn't for me.
It feels like everyone is moving too fast and I am standing still and no one sees me at all.
It feels bad inside me and I feel bad because I don't want to always feel bad.
When I feel happy, I am afraid that something bad will happen again.
I am sad because I miss my grandma so much sometimes.
I am sad because my mommy didn't want me to be me. She wanted someone else inside my skin. And I can't be the girl I'm not.
I am sad because I feel so ugly. I feel ugly because if I was pretty, the boys would not have hurt me because they would have liked me and not been so mean.
I feel ugly because of some of the things people said at different times about that.
I am sad because I miss my brothers but I can't be around them because it is not safe to be in Florida at all. I miss my nieces too.
I am sad because I don't know why my dad hit my brothers so much and called them names. I could not help them out.
I am sad because I don't understand why my daddy didn't love me the right way. He hurt me and let me get hurt and he lied to me and didn't keep me safe. And that hurts more than anything in the world. I got lied to a bunch from him and that is sad.
I am sad because my mom didn't understand me when I was hurting and she protected daddy instead of me. I am sad because she got mad at me instead of getting mad at daddy when he was being bad.
I am sad because people never were friends to me and they told me they would be and then they would talk about me and they would say bad things about me and that was mean. So no one wanted me around anyway and that made me sad.

I don't know how to be happy. Will you show me how?

Little W

[AShadow721]

I'm stealing this from a book...These are basic needs of humans. You do this first for As A Child and Adolescent, then As an Adult. You answer did each one of these needs get met, then how they got met, and if any were met in an unhealthy or unsafe way. This is from "A Gift to Myself" by Charles Whitfield. It's a workbook to go with "Healing the Child Within".

"1. Survival
2. Safety
3. Touching, skin contact
4. Attention
5. Mirroring and echoing
6. Guidance
7. Listening
8. Being real
9. Participating
10. Acceptance
Others are aware of, take seriously and admire the Real You
Freedom to be the Real You
Tolerance of you feelings
Validation
Respect
Belonging and love
11. Oppotunity to grieve losses and to grow
12. Support
13. Loyalty and trust
14. Accomplishment
Mastery, "Power", "Control"
Creativity
Having a sense of completion
Making a contribution
15. Altering one's state of consciousness, transending the ordinary
16. Sexuality
17. Enjoyment or fun
18. Freedom
19. Nuturing
20. Unconditional Love (including connection with a Higher Power)"

You've done good by reaching in to your inner child and having her write. My mom used to do a lot of inner child work, she's the one that gave me this book. She would write with her nondominate to have her write. Through this I realized that my mom did provide most of my basic needs and in a healthy way and I learned to appreciate her, instead of being mad at her for not protecting me and whatever else.

W,

I think it's great that you found the courage to write from your inner child. I have not done any inner child work, but I'm curious about it. I'm not DID but have this sense that there is also a little me who is intensely sad and needs so much nurturing. But I don't know how to give it to her.

I think giving her a voice through writing is a good start. Did you share that writing with your T? What did he say?

[WePow]

AShadow - thank you a ton for that list. I actually did start last night to write down a list of things my inner child "lost" when I was 3 yrs old when the first severe trauma happened. Dad "traded" me for the daughter of a "friend" of his at a park for sx activities!!! Anyway, that is when the DID first split happened. I just remember after it was "over with" that I wanted to go swim in the water by the grills where they were and my dad said I could get stuck in a tunnel in the lake and drown and I thought that was exactly what I wanted to do!!! Anyway, I need to change the title of the list from "lost" to "stolen". It includes some of what is on the list you gave me - so I think I am off to a great start.

Griffin - It was very strange for me to ask my inner child because it is still me - so takes more work than just asking an alter who could have responded without me thinking anything at all. This is strange but I just have to kinda think about how I felt as a whole person at the time (which I was not really whole because the DID split me right then). But I did not show T my work yet. T did say that everyone has an internal little one. It is the little kid who was injured and did not get what they needed to grow up healthy. He said he carries a picture of his inner child - it is a photo of when he was about 8 yrs old. He was so cute!! :-)

[Evening]

I think this might be one of the first threads I've read that I've actually been triggered by (other than last night when I was triggered by another thread in the women's health section, but I deleted my post).
I have been really down lately, the first time in literally years, and some aspects I haven't been able to put my finger on.
But when I had a little bit of a flip out a few weeks ago all I wanted to do was to be back to being 7 when I was too naive to understand, and I just wanted my mother. I have really missed having something motherly, and deep inside I think I want a father figure. I grew up without my father though so it's something I am so used to that I don't even know how I even really feel about that.
I am so used to not having real parents that it's something that rarely crosses my mind until I get to the emotional state that I need it, then it all catches up with me.
The thought that I am alone and don't have any 'parents' upsets me. But at the same time I can't handle any kind of love or closeness, even the WORD love is a trigger for me and I can't even look at that word now that I've written it.

Shadow--again-what a great list- what good stuff for us all to use; you are a tower of info and empathy, and sharing!!!

Gonna cc this list and use it--really great--(((((HUGS)))))

Wishing you a safe journey wee to your inner child-send hugs too----theo

[Sannah]

WePow, this is a really good start. For her to express her feelings is very good. Are you going to share this in therapy?

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Wepow))))

Thank you for sharing this. Something inside my heart felt sadness, a deep sadness and I have tears in my eyes. Maybe I am just so emotional now days but I felt your words. Thank you for sharing them with us. I know that you are doing some major work and I want you to know how proud of you we are. I think this work with your inner child is good. Know that we are here for you always and that we care. Love you my friend. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps