[Alibongo]

I suffered horrible emotional abuse from my mother for many years and well into adulthood. Now I have found out that my 11 yr old neice is being abused by her own mother (the mother has learning difficulties) and this is so very close to home for me I cannot deal with it at all. Thing is my mother is phoning me all the time and offloading her worries and concerns about my neice onto me (I am a good listener) and yesterday I had a full blown panic attack and took too many pills and drink. Luckily I knew this and phoned my doctor, he came out to see me and was very concerned and caring.

I also have a son with special needs, my mother was horrifically abused by her own father when she was a child. I also have an 11 yr old daughter so this stuff is too painful to cope with. Today I phoned my mother to say what I had done and that I couldnt listen to her going on anymore. she said she wouldnt tell me about this stuff going on and that she was very worried about me, but then I could hear anger in her voice almost like she was angry that I couldnt take it.

I know that my neice should go into foster care, it is the only solution for her wellbeing. She either lives with her mother and sees her father (my eldest brother who incidently lives with my mother) but now he is fighting for full custody of his daughter. Its a complete mess all round. If my brother gets custody my neice will have to live with my mother and her dad which I know will not be good for her. Social workers, therapists and professionals are involved.

My mother knows no boundaries, is controlling and brings everyone down around her. This poor child will have no chance in life if my brother gets custody (he has depression and issues with my mother also), but then again if she lives with her mother she will continue to suffer also.

I am being referred for yet more counselling about all this and its so very painful for me. Any advise or comfort would be so appreciated. Thankyou.

[(JD)]

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Social workers, therapists and professionals are involved.

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Have you shared what you know with them?

I hope your own therapy will help you not feel so horrible... and allows you to be a help, if you can or should be

[Alibongo]

Hi Sky

Well 4 years ago now our own social worker for our son put a child protection order on our 2 children against my mother and 3 brothers (long story but my husband was threatened by one of my brothers that he would get my husband murdered). I do know for sure from our social worker that all this is on my neice's record. I kind of voiced my concerns a few months ago to our NOW social worker who advised to keep well away and take care of my own family, which is right of course. BUT I am so frustrated that I can't do anything about this situation - I know what should be right for my neice but will they listen? If I did say something all hell would break lose in my family and I don't want history repeating itself. I feel I am the only one that can save her - I know this sounds dramatic but this is so serious, this poor girl is suffering badly.

A psychiatrist has interviewed my mother, my brother and Laura all together and seperately and wrote extensive reports for the court custody case and my mother now says it looks like its all swaying in their favour (meaning Laura will live with my mother and brother).

[(JD)]

All I can think of elsewises is if you are around, or your neice can call you just after any abuse, they YOU can call the police so they can see it for themselves... and they will take action? I don't know how it works or doesn't in the UK. (((((ali))))