[krazy_phoenix]

This has been my first visit to this part of PC. I've avoided here for one reason or another. But I see that this is the place to get some things off one's chest. My biggest problem is that my memories are very vague, only one part of many parts.

My earliest recollection of drug-taking was about 9 or 10 yrs old, stealing medication. I started drinking shortly after that and by 13 was drinking regularly. By 15 I was a chronic alcoholic and drug addict and things never got much better till my very late 20's. In that time, the parts that I remember and know was, I was raped on 3 separate occasions in my teen and adult life (I have very little recollection of my childhood), left for dead by my ex - twice - because I went back to him, regularly beaten to a pulp by same ex over quite a few years, prostituted out, scarred, strangled, OD'ed, and mentally burned. Basically used and abused.

Life sucked the big one for the longest time. But life got better and different. I stopped living life the same way as I always had, and so I stopped having the same things happen that I always had. Now in my mid 30's, I'm happily married, with almost 3 children (due with #3 in 3 weeks), have a nice home and great dog. Life is by no means perfect. You don't get to wake up from 30 years of an abusive life/lifestyle and just brush it off. I've since been dx'ed as DID, still struggle physically from results of beatings, struggle with suicidal ideas and cutting (from what I now know to be an alter) and many many other issues that DID'ers and abuse survivors struggle through each and every day. But I guess now is a time for me of admitting these things happened 'to me'. I am not the host, who is temporarily lost to us, but I need to accept these things and try to 'feel them emotionally' to release them and free up the rest of our life - for myself, and for our little IRL family.

Thanks for listening.
kp & the clan

[Sannah]

Wow, you have really accomplished a lot! Very good work!! Thanks for sharing and welcome!

[WePow]

(((((( kp ))))))))) It takes a heck of a lot of courage to work through the trauma healing. But the truth is that it has to be gone through in order for healing to take place. Alters hold the memories that the host was not able to work through at the time. But the goal of life is to become safe enough to process these traumas. It takes one heck of a support system and a whole ton of tears and oceans of courage. But it can be done.