Abuser might be moving back in

AtreyuFreak · Apr 25, 2010, 02:59 PM

My brother/abuser is moving back in again ("short-term"---but isn't it always??).

Someone tell me this isn't happening!

I was just starting to make progress in talking about the abuse. Every time he moves back in, I backslide. I clam up, isolate, get more depressed...this isn't fair!

I only have a month left. Doesn't seem like that much, but couldn't my parents make him suck it up and make it on his own for that long?? He over-exaggerates if it suits him (he's a sociopath), and always comes running to mommy and daddy whenever life gets too hard. He's lost like 5 jobs in the last 6 months--no joke. He's almost 20! I get not wanting to shove him out of the door right after his 18th birthday, but when does it get to "grow the f*** up and take responsibility"??????

This makes me so MAD!!!!!

NuckingFutz · Apr 25, 2010, 04:05 PM

I am sorry to hear he is moving back in. Is there a friend or someone you can stay with for a month? Sounds like it will end up being longer than a month though. Sociopath's do not make progress...they bring chaos mayhem and pain. RUN!

WePow · Apr 25, 2010, 04:23 PM

Atreyu - man, I am so sorry to hear that! If there is any way to avoid him - do it. Sending you tons of hugs!!! Stay safe and peaceful.

Alexandria04 · Apr 25, 2010, 04:30 PM

I agree, is there someone you can stay with for a month? Crash on a friend's couch maybe? You really shouldn't be around him if he is abusive and it's not going to be good for your mental state either. I hope you work something out *hugs*.

AShadow721 · Apr 25, 2010, 06:56 PM

I stayed with friends while I was still in high school and my mother and other people understood why, that I just needed to be away from the house, not that my mother was really abusing me at the time. I may have thought she was emotionally abusing me, because of my PTSD, but I just needed that resort. Maybe your parents would understand this. Or you could just tell them, "I'm going to stay with a friend for this last month if you let him back in the house, because I have to protect myself and I'm working through things in therapy right now that had to do with him and him being around me would make me fall apart".

I can understand this, when you're doing trauma work, it brings out those emotions that you had during the abuse and being around your attacker will throw you for a loop. You'll start to be REALLY afraid. At least, that is how I've felt. When I remember thing, have flashbacks, or try to work on my books, then my father comes over, oh gosh, it's constant anxiety, fear, anger, rage, depression, etc. You'll probably start feeling all those feelings again and get scared to work on your trauma.

I hope you can either get your parents to wait to let him back in for a month, (I mean, doesn't he have any friends he could stay with???) or stay with a friend or other family member yourself.

Kaitlyn · Apr 25, 2010, 07:17 PM

Does your parents know he's your abuser? Has he tried therapy (not sure how it would help a sociopath)--even forced into therapy? Is there any family members he could stay with other than your parents?

From the sound of it, your parents are enabling him. If they keep letting him move back in then he's not going to learn how to handle things on his own. They need to put their foot down and say enough is enough get your own place. Or tell him he can only stay a certain amount of time and when that time is up they need to tell him he has to find another place to live. Sounds like he needs some tough love!

What happens in a month?

Lots and lots of safe, soothing, comforting

's

Quote:

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

My brother/abuser is moving back in again ("short-term"---but isn't it always??).

Someone tell me this isn't happening!

I was just starting to make progress in talking about the abuse. Every time he moves back in, I backslide. I clam up, isolate, get more depressed...this isn't fair!

I only have a month left. Doesn't seem like that much, but couldn't my parents make him suck it up and make it on his own for that long?? He over-exaggerates if it suits him (he's a sociopath), and always comes running to mommy and daddy whenever life gets too hard. He's lost like 5 jobs in the last 6 months--no joke. He's almost 20! I get not wanting to shove him out of the door right after his 18th birthday, but when does it get to "grow the f*** up and take responsibility"??????

This makes me so MAD!!!!!

whoswho · Apr 25, 2010, 08:20 PM

This happened to me several times. My brother would move out, times would get tough (meaning he spent all his money on booze and toys instead of rent), and he would move back in. Each time he came home, he just started the abuse all over again. Then he would get kicked out... and come home again.

I hope your parents know what's going on. But if they're anything like my parents, and don't care, then you might need to take extra steps to keep yourself safe. Do you think you could follow AShadow's idea and stay with a friend for a month or so? Taking care of yourself needs to be your top priority...

Sannah · Apr 26, 2010, 09:48 AM

Atrey, I've been trying to read up on your posts so that I can understand what is going on with you. I understand that you are moving away soon to start school and that you haven't really disclosed to anyone IRL that you were SA by your brother?

AtreyuFreak · Apr 26, 2010, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Atrey, I've been trying to read up on your posts so that I can understand what is going on with you. I understand that you are moving away soon to start school and that you haven't really disclosed to anyone IRL that you were SA by your brother?

My counselors were required to tell my parents about it. I told a few close friends, and a couple people (also close friends, so trustworthy) kinda pieced it together and figured it out on their own. But even still, very few people know; none of my relatives (except my parents) know, and there's really only one person I still talk to who knows.