[anderson]

We woke up sad and confused at a meeting last night we found out that those people that have helped us are getting hurt from the lies of those that have deemed us to be a demon possesed blob.
We be sad cause for so long so many have hurt us and those that give us conditional safety have been road blocks to those that would have hurt us worse. But in the end even with that we have had only those that wanted to hurt us in our daily lifes. We told one person how can you exspect me to find peace in life when we had to dissaciate from our son just for him to be accepted then having to live down the lies that we forgot our son or that he was taken from us. For the last 10 years we had to to deal with his anger on how those in the community made a name for them selves based on his and my pain.
We worked so hard that if we could get social sercurity that we would get almost 800 dollors a month. We have nothing to show for it though because my son destored everything that we ever tried to make then when he burnt our house down we just gave up. In the past three years everything that we had endured before was nothing it was just like being back with the people that made us who we are.
The hardest part is remembering the abuse the pain of others treating us like crap and excusing themselves because everyone know we could not remember anything so no one cared. How should a soul feel? How does a soul find the will to move forward if all those around them is deleberitly recreating the past abuse to keep us away from the few that do care?
Lies Alot did have a point if every one takes her word as gospil truth why do we keep trying? If everyone can just say we do things and do not have to prove it then why are the few that keep coming in our life when we give up only there just along enough to make us feel like we have a chance at a real life then walk away from us.
It still hurts like hell that for all this time that those that where surpose to help us where in fact the very people that destroyed our hopes and dreams and are still gloating on that fact. Since we have not allows the body to be in places that others have used to hurt us we have no value for those around us. We are still being pushed to make our body availabe for more abuse .
The few that are being true light houses have been so good to us but the abuse of the others are hurting us even more becauese we can not over come their lies if no want to be inour lifes just to get to know us, not the abuse, not the hate, not to learn ways to hurt us more. How can a T make that all go away? No matter how good she is we still have to live in a world that places the blame of early child abuse on that person. Many even take up where the early abusers left off and tell others that we are the ones that asked for it. The abusers from the churches, the schools, and the work places. All in the name to help or to banish that is ungodly. These people did not work for the father of all, every thing that these people did was destroy lives that had already been injuryed beyond indurenced but just had to focuse their hate towards someone that had no one to stand besides them so no one would think about the darkness in their behavior.
~Sorry, this might not make sence but we needed to unload the pain that is so heavy at times for us to bear. When we are still learning to feel safe with the few that are different it just makes the darkness of those that hurt us even more louder at time when they are not near us to keep us safe......... .

[phoenix7]

if someone tells you you asked for it they are the ones who need help because they are mentally deranged grrrrrr - sorry that makes me so mad - you deserve better - we all did and do - it took me a long time and a good T to realise it WASNT my fault - and it WASNT yours either - I fight every day to make J realise that she didnt deserve these things - you didnt deserve them either -

we are fighters - we survived - we are here - they cannot take that away from us - we are strong - you can do this - we will stand with you

Dont listen to the lies - a good T can make a huge difference but not overnight or even quickly - we had to work and work and work adn we are still working and i know you are - we learn and we grow and we try to take back what they stole from us - we know we never can - but we can stop them f rom stealing our tomorrows -

are you seeing a T my friends?

dont give up - you can do this - T can help you - once you find the right one - why do people try to wreck our recovery? maybe they are threatened by us growing? maybe they like things as they are where we can be used for their advantage - that is their problem not ours - we can and will grow all of us at PC - we learn - we grow - we take one step back and two forward but its stil one step forward .

sitting wiht you - please keep in touch and let us know how things are - there are many here who care about you

Phoenix7

[purple_fins]

I'm sorry things are confusing and that you are sad.

My heart is with you.

I wish people wouldn't believe all that they hear and would check it out
with the source and let them explain..... some people just blindly follow, it seems.

thinking of you

fins

[anderson]

(((((phoenix7)))))
We do got at T and for all that we have been through she is good. We just wished that she would take us at more at face value then based on the old records and off the record talks.
But we had another safe person with us at T today so we were able to talk about things that have been keeping us so down for so long. At first she gave us the record dribble but with our safe person he was able to help us to get her to understand that we are not reacting to just past abuse but from abuse by those that use our coping mecanisism againts us.
~
We asked her to help our friends to understand why there is no police records on those that hurt us. Now this is a DID T and her fierst response was that she was lisenced and had to report what we said to the poilice. In tern one of the protectors came out and said how can their be evidence when that is not shared until the threat of future abuse is reduced. We know that without someone stepping up out side of us and that they are will to support us that no convictions are possible. We even told her we wish that we had std's because we have not had consintual sex in over 3years and if some one got 'em then they got what they deserved. NOt only that but we would rather be dead then deal with low lifes that like to hurt others just to gain pleasure from our pain. ... To that she said we were just not ready to go back to work yet....... We thought you live a life where you have a few people that are willing to talk to you and then you have a small group of dark souls that made a rep for themselves based on the twisted truth that we had sex with them but not mentionning the fact that they scared us into submission.
~
We went over other things to but the fact that the building did not fall in meant alot to us. Our friends said that they would even still talk to us so all within still have those that are good to us and they know more of the truth instead of the twisted lies.
~
WE hope that we even got them to understand that we have to types of controlers:
White lighter's: are people in our lives that are basically good kind people that alters have attached to them. We are just feed up with them excusing those that have hurt us as past memiors instead of understanding that we are not lieing when we say that we only forget black outs when we are under the threat of abuse. *******qualifier******** We remeber when those alters are no longer under the threat of repeat abuse. ******************
Dark lighter's: are people that we are afried of because of how they treat us. whether it be from physcal, emotional, or spiritual abuse. These people still personal self worth of another to make themselvs feel better. These are the ones that are finely being reduced in numbers for the simple fact that a few are listen to us. We just wished more would listen to us to.
We are so lucky that PC world came into our lives it gave us a chance to reduce the pressure that we are under and not be so reactive to those in our lifes that have come into it after all these years of abuse that has been discounted by those in charge as phycotic memiors. WE really do not care if it is proven or not we just want to be able to live a life with out abuse and have a few good friends to be with.

[anderson]

((((Purple_fins))))
Our T said a truth today. She said that most people feel like if they learn to speak better then others will underrstand them and accept them. But the truth is that they already hear them but do not like what they hear so respond in kind. She got big brownie points on that one we just hope that she hears this and understand that it just might apply to her when dealing with those within us.
Thank you for being here for us and letting us know we be heard>

Originally Posted by purple_fins

I'm sorry things are confusing and that you are sad.

My heart is with you.

I wish people wouldn't believe all that they hear and would check it out
with the source and let them explain..... some people just blindly follow, it seems.

thinking of you

fins

[Gr3tta]

Thank you for your posts here, anderson, we are feeling really weak right now so are having a hard time putting words together but we want to say your posts make perfect sense to us and we are glad you are able to share them with us they always make us think.

[Sannah]

Anderson, I am glad that you are getting all of this out. You keep talking and fighting until you get everything that you deserve!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

(((( (((( (((( ((((Anderson)))) )))) )))) ))))

I feel your pain and I really hope that you wade through the confusion; the pain of that those who are lying about you will revisit them for what they have done to you