[SUNNY2009]

all because I was crying like a baby when I told him my mom and dad did not call me this morning like they have n the past to wish me a happy birthday.
wat a baby....
i was so upset .... i did not hug him back....
he was leaned over and I just did not have the frame of mind to think about the hug
so what .... just dont like to be loved or hugged or something?? not really sure about that .... he was just being a source of comfort while I blubbered like an idiot
...by the way,
they ended up calling later in the afternoon and leaving me messages - singing the hb song ;j
so wierd ... to think about missing them ... after the year we have had ... after confronting ...
after they swept it right back under the rug ... right back where it had been for soo very long....
but I was little today
I was the little kid who missed her parents calling her and wishing her a HB..
singing into the phone like silly people
made me think about how someday I will always miss them ....
I wish I could call them up and talk, without getting flustered and stressed out....I almost did...several times.
but
inside I know my mom will want to talk about stressful things that are going on with my brothers and their problems....and I will be so stressed and aggravated....
but then
I think...maybe I can make it short n sweet.... afterall they are my parents and they did give birth to me....I should talk to them on my bday ... shouldnt I? shouldnt I return and acknowledge their call?
I just dont know.
I wish I felt better....just feel very alone and down in the dumps .... grrr I hate this feeling ... maybe if I call I will feel better ... just doesnt make any sense

[Gus1234U]

Happy Birthday To YOU, dear Sunny!~! and mannny Mooooore~! Gus

[geez]

Happy Birthday ((Sunny))

[Crew]

Happy Birthday AND Way to Go on allowing that Hug.....Yay

You Go...............!

Crew

[Sannah]

Sunny, you naturally want what your parents are incapable of giving. It doesn't mean that you can't learn to fill this need, not at all. It just means that you can't get it filled by them. You are probably feeling down because you are grieving. You are grieving a childhood that you didn't have. This is part of healing. People do move beyond this Sunny, you can. If you keep working you will move beyond this and you can make a life for yourself that is wonderful and everything that you want it to be. It really can make up for the lost childhood because you will get where you needed to go anyway. This is what happened to me. I was miserable my entire childhood but now I have a rich life beyond imagination. I got to a great place eventually.

It's okay that you didn't hug your therapist back. This is what you felt like in that moment and you honored how you felt. Very good! There was a reason why you responded this way and it is okay and fine because this was how you felt.

Getting better isn't all about trying to act normal. Getting better to some extent is learning what is normal or rather functional but the most important part of getting better is learning who you are and what you need and this doesn't have anything to do with figuring out what is normal. You are the way you are for very important reasons and you are that way because you reacted normally to abnormal situations.

Happy Birthday Sunny!