[Irine]

I am not to blame for what was done to me.
And i am not going to sit and pretend that it did not exist and that i made up all the traumatic memories that wake up inside me right now - and that woke up inside me earlier and that will probably unleash and reveal more with time.

People many times say about a girl being raped "She invited it on herself! She is to blame!" - Believe me, that if that girl would have the faintest idea of WHAT she is "inviting"...should would run away.

I am tired of feeling like i am a *****...and because of my sexual needs etc...i love being in a relationship when it is TRULY DEEP! Otherwise there is no interest for me! But every time i get out of home i feel like crap and i feel self aware too much.
I have been low on my self esteem, stressed and freaked out, and guilty - for most of my life! I am no going to let it continue as it was...I think that people like me DESERVE support and attention! Not to tell then that everything is a fantasy!

ha! EVEN TO CONSIDER!! That i would scare myself and torture myself with such ****. That i would make this all up right? So that i cannot concentrate normally, cannot really hold an acceptable routine. so that i am all alone in this, so that i am feeling sometimes like i am going to black out, want to commit suicide, puke, scream and just get out of myself.

Of course - i would make this **** up so that i would enjoy life this much. Very smart of you "therapist."....that i would feel GUILTY...of course.

[lynn P.]

(((ladymacabethadmunsen)) - you're right you can't listen to judgemental people who try to blame the victim. They haven't walked in your shoes and they shouldn't point a finger. Rape is a violent act, not a sexual act. Sorry you've sufferedthis pain and I pray you can heal one day.

[phoenix7]

they dont understand - im sorry that happened to you - you aare NOT to blame for a predator taking advantage of you

and i sincerely hope it wasnt a therapist that said yuou were making it up grrrr

take care

P7

[Irine]

Actually my therapist said this:

When i started telling him on a second meeting that more and MORE come up...things that seem to be controlling and reflecting what i usually call "The history of my inner world" , and that they look like from a horror and detective movie at the same time he leaned backwards and asked:

"Have you thought that they could be fantasies?"
Later when he mentioned my flash backs he sometimes would call them flash backs and sometimes fantasies. He would begin "Those fantasies" - and...well. It does piss me off!

But we are just in the beginning. I know that they are not fantasies. I understand that not everything was exactly the way i recall - but i know that beyond doubt.