[witchywoman]

Is there a good place to find out some statistics about rape? I was raped at 6,12 and gang raped on my 17th birthday(got drunk and passed out) and I would like to know how many girls have been raped that many times in they're life. I always thought if someone was raped once that it was very traumatizing, and I know how messed up I'am and nothing has helped. My therapist has tried to help but he couldn't. Anybody have any advice? I don't know if this a trigger so I put one up anyway.

[krisakira]

RAINN.org/statistics

Also, this was taken from http://www.nmcsap.org/statistics.html

e. Crime Characteristics

Number of Offenders

By far, most rapes/sexual assaults have one victim (98.6%). However, 9.4% of rape/sexual assault incidents have more than one offender:

Number of Offenders % of Rape/Sexual Assault Incidents
Two 4.1%
Three 1.9%
Four or more 3.4%
Number not known 2.4%

Rapes/sexual assaults involving strangers were significantly more likely to have more than one offender (20%) than rapes/sexual assaults involving nonstrangers (4%).

[shezbut]

I don't have any stats to back my words right now, but I have read that abuse victims typically are abused more than once or twice in their lives. Some word it as "predators easily pick up on their victims vulnerability".

My first S.A. incident occurred around age 5, another took over from 12-14, and I was raped at 16. All different boys and men. I did wonder if I wore a sign asking to be treated like trash ~ I certainly felt like trash. I was young, in a couple of bad sad places as a child. By the time I was 16, I made foolish decisions. Getting drunk, to avoid feelings. And suffering the consequences of my foolish decision. I think that I've kicked myself enough for the rape. The 12-14 year old molestation is sad. My uncle in-law eventually apologized to me, which did bring some closure. The incest, with my brother.....well, I still really struggle with that whole concept. I am just not ready to accept it.

I've been in therapy for over 20 years now ~ different therapists, different parts of my life, and now I finally feel that I am making some progress. That's a l_o_n_g arse time!! But, life has ups and downs. It's not like life has been a piece of cake since I turned 18. Lots of downs between then and now. At least I'm finally getting somewhere.

Point is, some T's are great with these issues. It can really take a while to find the right T. The right time of life, and the right T to help you through the memories and emotions. Not an overnight case ~ it's complicated and takes time for you to work through.

Hope that makes some sense & isn't depressing to you!

[witchywoman]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I don't have any stats to back my words right now, but I have read that abuse victims typically are abused more than once or twice in their lives. Some word it as "predators easily pick up on their victims vulnerability".

My first S.A. incident occurred around age 5, another took over from 12-14, and I was raped at 16. All different boys and men. I did wonder if I wore a sign asking to be treated like trash ~ I certainly felt like trash. I was young, in a couple of bad sad places as a child. By the time I was 16, I made foolish decisions. Getting drunk, to avoid feelings. And suffering the consequences of my foolish decision. I think that I've kicked myself enough for the rape. The 12-14 year old molestation is sad. My uncle in-law eventually apologized to me, which did bring some closure. The incest, with my brother.....well, I still really struggle with that whole concept. I am just not ready to accept it.

I've been in therapy for over 20 years now ~ different therapists, different parts of my life, and now I finally feel that I am making some progress. That's a l_o_n_g arse time!! But, life has ups and downs. It's not like life has been a piece of cake since I turned 18. Lots of downs between then and now. At least I'm finally getting somewhere.

Point is, some T's are great with these issues. It can really take a while to find the right T. The right time of life, and the right T to help you through the memories and emotions. Not an overnight case ~ it's complicated and takes time for you to work through.

Hope that makes some sense & isn't depressing to you!

Yeah that all makes sense and it isn't depressing. But you know I have to say that when I was molested and sodomized at 12 by my older brother is the one that gets me the most. I think it's because older brothers are supposed to look out for you and protect you and it hurts the most when they do something like that to you. It really messes with your head!! How do you heal from that?

[invisigirl]

I agree. That 'expectation' for our brothers to look out for us and protects us really makes it harder to accept that.

I had one brother (oldest) who sa me.. and another (middle child) who pa me. I often felt that if I let the oldest have his way with me, then maybe he would defend me and protect me from the other. But, of course, that was never the case.

Silly childlike logic.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by witchywoman

Yeah that all makes sense and it isn't depressing. But you know I have to say that when I was molested and sodomized at 12 by my older brother is the one that gets me the most. I think it's because older brothers are supposed to look out for you and protect you and it hurts the most when they do something like that to you. It really messes with your head!! How do you heal from that?

It takes time to get through the cycle of grieving. Not everyone does. Many people in this world get stuck in anger, others get stuck in avoidance, (I forgot the third stage) which I myself am stuck in, and then comes acceptance.

You're right. It really does hurt that someone who's supposed to protect you, and care about you, can F you up badly!! A lot of times, especially with family sexual crimes, it isn't just one person being abused. It's usually a long chain ~ stuffed into the corner and ignored ~ as it goes on and on.

I came forward with news about my uncle in-law molesting me when my aunt had a baby girl, when I was about 16. I just couldn't let it go on anymore! My coming forward inspired another uncle to come forward and admit incest with his brother occurring for many years as well as he molesting my brother (when my brother was 13). They talked, uncle apologized sincerely to him, and there was closure there. My aunt, 2 uncles, and my grandparents however refused to accept my experience. My immediate family was "banned" for a couple of years from holidays and birthdays. That ripped me apart emotionally.

I never have talked about it with my brother. Honestly, he scares me to this very day. He used to beat the crap out of me and abuse me emotionally through my early teens. I saw him (many times) scare the hell out of his girlfriends with his explosive temper. My heart pounds as I recall it now ~ 20+ years later! No freaking way am I willing to forgive him. I just can't. That is where I am right now....Struggling, as you can see. I sure hope that I'm not stuck in this phase for the rest of my life though. That's got to suck!!

Know what I mean?

[witchywoman]

Originally Posted by shezbut

It takes time to get through the cycle of grieving. Not everyone does. Many people in this world get stuck in anger, others get stuck in avoidance, (I forgot the third stage) which I myself am stuck in, and then comes acceptance.

You're right. It really does hurt that someone who's supposed to protect you, and care about you, can F you up badly!! A lot of times, especially with family sexual crimes, it isn't just one person being abused. It's usually a long chain ~ stuffed into the corner and ignored ~ as it goes on and on.

I came forward with news about my uncle in-law molesting me when my aunt had a baby girl, when I was about 16. I just couldn't let it go on anymore! My coming forward inspired another uncle to come forward and admit incest with his brother occurring for many years as well as he molesting my brother (when my brother was 13). They talked, uncle apologized sincerely to him, and there was closure there. My aunt, 2 uncles, and my grandparents however refused to accept my experience. My immediate family was "banned" for a couple of years from holidays and birthdays. That ripped me apart emotionally.

I never have talked about it with my brother. Honestly, he scares me to this very day. He used to beat the crap out of me and abuse me emotionally through my early teens. I saw him (many times) scare the hell out of his girlfriends with his explosive temper. My heart pounds as I recall it now ~ 20+ years later! No freaking way am I willing to forgive him. I just can't. That is where I am right now....Struggling, as you can see. I sure hope that I'm not stuck in this phase for the rest of my life though. That's got to suck!!

Know what I mean?

I'm so srry that it was so horrible for you. I don't know how that feels, I never told anyone and my brother and I never talked about it after that. I actually made the choice to keep having contact with him after that. But I never once left my 2 daughters alone with him and they really didn't see him that much anyways. I'am always thinking if I made the right choice by keeping in contact with him,I wanted to hate him and never speak to him but we both went through alot of physical abuse from our stepdad and I guess I needed him in my life to try to get through it. Does that even make sense?If you never hade to go through abuse you can't understand.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by witchywoman

I'am always thinking if I made the right choice by keeping in contact with him,I wanted to hate him and never speak to him but we both went through alot of physical abuse from our stepdad and I guess I needed him in my life to try to get through it. Does that even make sense?If you never hade to go through abuse you can't understand.

witchywoman,

I think that you recognizing the pattern of abuse in your family, and sympathizing with your brother is healthy. That is much farther along than me, I guess. My brother's natural father was very abusive to my mom, she left when he was a young toddler, but perhaps he picked up his abusive pattern from watching his father. I don't know ~ it's hard for me to imagine.

((hugs)) to you!

[sadface]

I listen to these posts and my heart goes out to all of you. I have been in so many abusive relationships that I could relate to feeling I had a big sign on me "Kick Me!" I would like to share my experience because I am so mixed up about it all. I have a brother two years younger than me and a sister three years older. Both of them hit me alot when I was growing up. I try to figure out why I was hit so much but all I can figure I was not very good at defending myself. Both of my siblings had ferocious tempers and I got the worst of it. I was a good student trying to do what I was supposed to and neither of them did very well in school. They got all of the attention from my Mom because she basically did their homework and I was told I better not make bad grades because she knew I could do it on my own. Anyway I started dating a boy and we started having sex...my Dad had severe mental problems so he was out of the picture for the most part. The boyfriend started beating me up and I finally did get out of that relationship. In the meantime my brother started getting in the bed with me (we had two beds in the same room) after my older sister moved out. He would masturbate and try to touch me. I think I always woke up and moved away from him. I would not say anything because I thought he knew I was having sex with my boyfriend and tell my Mom. Anyway I really don't know how to feel about all of that. Was that sexual abuse? My brother and I have never talked about it. I know he thinks I was asleep and don't know what he did. It was so long ago and we have a good relationship now. What do you all think about what I have written? I never told anyone about this. I know it is not on the same scale as what happened to all of you but I know you understand me better than most people would. Thank you for listening to me and I hope you can give me some feedback.

[shezbut]

(((sadface)))

Yes, I would say that is incest. Your brother was old enough to know that his behavior was wrong ~ and reading that he made these moves (regularly at that!) just makes my tummy turn. (I had a perverted uncle who did similar things when I was aged 12-14) I, too, struggled with the concept of whether or not this was sexual abuse and whether I am partly to blame for his tendencies.

I can also relate to your mom focusing all of her attention on your siblings. I also had a very similar experience. My brother and sister hated each other with a passion, and got into intense knock-out fights regularly. All the while, I'd be on their sides screaming at the top of lungs to get them to stop fighting. I hated their fighting with a passion!! My mom would yell that they should be more like me, such a "good girl". You can imagine how well that went over ! And I resent(ed) my mom for puting that burden on me. Being home was incredibly stressful for me. My escape was going to my aunt's house, despite the sexual abuse living there. I chose to go over at every opportunity.

I can now reason that my parents were ignoring a lot of important parts of my life ~ they just did not want to accept reality. My decision to go to aunt's house, and likely be stroked, kissed wet & sloppy kisses by her husband was a foolish decision I made. It seemed to be the lesser of two evils. And that's just all I knew. I started running away from home at 15, going down more dark roads. Chaotic childhood.

Sorry, I kind of went off in a tangent there. Congrats if you made it through. Hell of a childhood, sadface, even though a lot of that negativity wasn't drastic. It doesn't have to be drastic to be traumatic and feel intense.

[Bill3]

I would like to know how many girls have been raped that many times in they're life.

I came across a study on this topic.

Patterns of repeated victimization were investigated in a large [3100+ adults in Los Angeles] community-based survey about sexual assault. Multiple victimization was common: of the 433 sexually assaulted respondents, two-thirds reported more than one incident; the average number of incidents per person was 3.2.

Source: Sorensen, Siegel, Golding, & Stein, "Repeated Sexual Victimization", Violence and Victims, Winter 1991, pgs.299-308.

Actually, that estimate of 3.2 (which includes childhood assaults) is too low. In the survey, 40 people said that the number of sexual assaults they experienced was "too many to count". Since these people did not give a specific number, their responses were not included in the study.