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AmyCake
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Default Sep 14, 2017 at 09:27 PM
  #81
my abusive parent also passed away and its a strange feeling, not like the normal grief
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Default Sep 15, 2017 at 02:22 AM
  #82
My father, who was very abusive passed away in 2006 on my birthday. I've always felt that in some way he died on my birthday as a final strike to me (probably not an overly rational thought). I didn't mourn for him, I don't miss him, didn't shed a tear. We didn't even have calling hours for him. None of us wanted to sit there and wait for his friends, the few he had, most who hated us anyway and some who took part at least indirectly in our abuse when we were younger, to pay their respects. Our biggest regret was that he outlived our mother, who deserved to have time away from that monster, but never got it until she was on her death bed.

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Default Sep 15, 2017 at 04:21 AM
  #83
My mother called me crying today begging for me to go there because my father was sick and she was scared.
When I pulled into their driveway I wished the ambulance was there, I wished he had had a stroke or a heart attack, I wished he had already died.
I don't feel bad about wishing that.
I feel terrible about wishing that.
I don't want him to die because of the expectations of the funeral.
He is a community man. So many people think he is wonderful.

P.S. He wasn't dead.
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Default Sep 15, 2017 at 08:08 AM
  #84
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Originally Posted by reb569 View Post
My father, who was very abusive passed away in 2006 on my birthday. I've always felt that in some way he died on my birthday as a final strike to me (probably not an overly rational thought). I didn't mourn for him, I don't miss him, didn't shed a tear. We didn't even have calling hours for him. None of us wanted to sit there and wait for his friends, the few he had, most who hated us anyway and some who took part at least indirectly in our abuse when we were younger, to pay their respects. Our biggest regret was that he outlived our mother, who deserved to have time away from that monster, but never got it until she was on her death bed.
I like you feel the same about my father outliving my mama. I never believed he wouldn't go first. I looked forward to the day my mama could be at peace away from him and how us kids would care for her but she passed away 6 years before and It just didn't seem fair or right.

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Default Oct 09, 2017 at 02:29 PM
  #85
I have waited my entire life for my Father to die- he finally passed at 91. He was a sadist and hated women. He was physically and emotionally abusive to me my entire life. My emotional baggage from him caused personal and professional loss-I finally regrouped but lost a daughter that could have been his fault by causing me such emotional problems when she was a baby- maybe I didn't give her a strong sense of self- I hate him
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Default Nov 12, 2017 at 12:16 AM
  #86
Recently lost abusive Mom and find that past is taking up more of my current thoughts. One sibling had BPD and has caused some problems resulting in her not communicating. Feels like I've lost my mom and my sister. This behavior is typical for her but just bad timing. I'm grieving also the loss of not having any resolve.
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Default Nov 29, 2017 at 03:30 PM
  #87
[QUOTE=RACEKA;1613642]Has anyone had to go through the death of an abusive parent?

I just wanted to hear how you felt when they died. Did you grieve? Did you celebrate? How do you feel now?

I was SO relieved when my father died. He had been violently absusive toward me when I was a child & verbally abusive when I was an adult. He was not Always abusive but enough to make me terrified. So when he died, I said "Thank You God!!!" and I did not feel guilty for being relieved!

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Default Nov 29, 2017 at 04:10 PM
  #88
I can somewhat relate to this. My mother was physically/emotionally abusive as well as negligent for most of my life. She developed dementia about five years ago when i was 14 and it has progressed to the stage where she doesn’t recognize anybody and is hopsitalized, doctors say she may last a couple more months at the most. She might as well be dead. I was always a very emotionally detached person but i think although i would mostly be relieved and happy that she died, a small part of me will be sad because even though she was a terrible mother, she was still just that. My mother.

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Trig Nov 30, 2017 at 08:50 PM
  #89
I pondered this question for several days before I make my commit. My mother was the one that caused me so much emotional pain all through my life. She died on a Friday the 13,2011. I did cry when my sister in law told me, but after that I haven't felt anything except hurt, and anger. Out of all of the 6 kids she had, she made sure that I wasn't in the will. I didn't want anything from her, but to know that she loved me. About 2 years before she passed, she accused me of something I didn't do, so when she became very sick, my husband, and I took care of both my parents until my other siblings got there, and we never spoke again, I tried to talk with her a couple times, but she shut me out. A couple years later my father was on his death bed, and my siblings said that I needed to go see him, and that no one would give me a problem. My husband, and I went down, we only stayed a short time. My father abused me also but physically, and sexually, and he always did what my mother wanted. Anyway my father apologized but I don't know if it was for the abuse, or for the will. I have my own house, paid for, and 6 akers, not a mobile home on a plot, so I didn't need, or want anything from them, except to know they loved me. I dough they ever did, and I will never find that out. When my father passed I cried once but that was all. Now I don't feel anything for them.
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Default Dec 12, 2017 at 12:04 PM
  #90
Quote:
Originally Posted by RACEKA View Post
Has anyone had to go through the death of an abusive parent?

I just wanted to hear how you felt when they died. Did you grieve? Did you celebrate? How do you feel now?

I did the empty chair technique with my T last night with my abusive mom. She died in 2000. I did ok until I had to tell her it was time to go away. I got very emotional at that point and I'm trying to figure out why. My T wants me to journal about it this week.

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything like this.

Thanks for your support.
I felt relieve when my mom pass away. But then I started feeling bad really bad because she had passed away. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore because she had died the day before Christmas Eve. I want to repair my relationship with her. A week before she had died I had stood up to my mom for the first time and told her she had no right to hurt me mentally and physically or had the right to isolate me from other. She had no right to control my life all because she want me to take care of her. I lost my job because of what she had done. Have you tried meditating? It all sound like great tools to use.
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Default Dec 25, 2021 at 02:33 PM
  #91
Hi I am the youngest in a family of 5
my older brother died I thought I was going to to explode complicated grief they label it
then my dad died slowly of cancer a counselor told me I was not dying duh but it was nice to hear
brother did not go to memorial
father did not go to say goodbye but went to memorial
btw my family is toxic they are codependent esp remaining brother mom and sister in law

ok so now this might help
my mom broke her efemur recently long story short recently I thought she was dead
for bout 3 days until I heard back from her,
During that time I do dream work to keep my authenticity in tact btw
I dreamed of purple flowers got that interpreted and it was a dream of my highest self
of my growth and glory andy royalty all good things

my mom and me are in a toxic relationship
my mom is dead to me already as well even before I thought she was and the dream
so because of the dream I am actually looking forward to her dropping dead for many reasons
no more toxic and only good things lie ahead!!

i hope this helps
are there any counselors in here? to give us a professional opinion?
thanks
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Default Dec 25, 2021 at 04:32 PM
  #92
My covert abusive, narc alcoholic dad (also semi-secretly hated women) died in the summer, after having an accident and spending over 2 months in hospital. Although my mum also behaves in a mildly toxic manner at times that means I can’t get too close to her, I’m glad she outlived him. She’s sad that he’s gone, but I think her life has been made easier in some ways.
When I first heard he had the accident, he was unconscious in the hospital and I hoped then it was bad enough for him to slip away. After a while it became obvious that he’d never be the same again and would need full time care if he came home, but he deteriorated suddenly in the end.
I have had a few complicated feelings to process, but while I didn’t celebrate, I never went into mourning either.
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Default Dec 25, 2021 at 09:26 PM
  #93
Quote:
Originally Posted by RACEKA View Post
Has anyone had to go through the death of an abusive parent?

I just wanted to hear how you felt when they died. Did you grieve? Did you celebrate? How do you feel now?

I did the empty chair technique with my T last night with my abusive mom. She died in 2000. I did ok until I had to tell her it was time to go away. I got very emotional at that point and I'm trying to figure out why. My T wants me to journal about it this week.

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything like this.

Thanks for your support.
Yes. I am going through this myself. I am still grieving and it been ten years now. Now I feel angry at all the abuse I had gone through.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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