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AmyCake
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 28
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#81
my abusive parent also passed away and its a strange feeling, not like the normal grief
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katydid777, RoxanneToto, unaluna
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katydid777, RoxanneToto
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Poohbah
reb569
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Central New York
Posts: 1,229
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#82
My father, who was very abusive passed away in 2006 on my birthday. I've always felt that in some way he died on my birthday as a final strike to me (probably not an overly rational thought). I didn't mourn for him, I don't miss him, didn't shed a tear. We didn't even have calling hours for him. None of us wanted to sit there and wait for his friends, the few he had, most who hated us anyway and some who took part at least indirectly in our abuse when we were younger, to pay their respects. Our biggest regret was that he outlived our mother, who deserved to have time away from that monster, but never got it until she was on her death bed.
__________________ "Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost." ~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003) "I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group." ~ Anne Rice |
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Amyjay
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Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Underground
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#83
My mother called me crying today begging for me to go there because my father was sick and she was scared.
When I pulled into their driveway I wished the ambulance was there, I wished he had had a stroke or a heart attack, I wished he had already died. I don't feel bad about wishing that. I feel terrible about wishing that. I don't want him to die because of the expectations of the funeral. He is a community man. So many people think he is wonderful. P.S. He wasn't dead. |
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GoneGirl711
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Mo
Posts: 78
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#84
Quote:
__________________ GoneGirl |
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katydid777, reb569, RoxanneToto, starryprince, unaluna
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New Member
Bspeer
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1
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#85
I have waited my entire life for my Father to die- he finally passed at 91. He was a sadist and hated women. He was physically and emotionally abusive to me my entire life. My emotional baggage from him caused personal and professional loss-I finally regrouped but lost a daughter that could have been his fault by causing me such emotional problems when she was a baby- maybe I didn't give her a strong sense of self- I hate him
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New Member
RebaT517
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Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Casper, WY
Posts: 1
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#86
Recently lost abusive Mom and find that past is taking up more of my current thoughts. One sibling had BPD and has caused some problems resulting in her not communicating. Feels like I've lost my mom and my sister. This behavior is typical for her but just bad timing. I'm grieving also the loss of not having any resolve.
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katydid777, RoxanneToto
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Dix888
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 198
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#87
[QUOTE=RACEKA;1613642]Has anyone had to go through the death of an abusive parent?
I just wanted to hear how you felt when they died. Did you grieve? Did you celebrate? How do you feel now? I was SO relieved when my father died. He had been violently absusive toward me when I was a child & verbally abusive when I was an adult. He was not Always abusive but enough to make me terrified. So when he died, I said "Thank You God!!!" and I did not feel guilty for being relieved! __________________ Dixie
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Member
CelestialFlame
The end is only the beginning
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 191
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#88
I can somewhat relate to this. My mother was physically/emotionally abusive as well as negligent for most of my life. She developed dementia about five years ago when i was 14 and it has progressed to the stage where she doesn’t recognize anybody and is hopsitalized, doctors say she may last a couple more months at the most. She might as well be dead. I was always a very emotionally detached person but i think although i would mostly be relieved and happy that she died, a small part of me will be sad because even though she was a terrible mother, she was still just that. My mother.
__________________ Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think it is and the tree is the real thing. ~Abraham Lincoln. |
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katydid777
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Magnate
katydid777
Here Untill I'm Not
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: georgia
Posts: 2,137
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#89
I pondered this question for several days before I make my commit. My mother was the one that caused me so much emotional pain all through my life. She died on a Friday the 13,2011. I did cry when my sister in law told me, but after that I haven't felt anything except hurt, and anger. Out of all of the 6 kids she had, she made sure that I wasn't in the will. I didn't want anything from her, but to know that she loved me. About 2 years before she passed, she accused me of something I didn't do, so when she became very sick, my husband, and I took care of both my parents until my other siblings got there, and we never spoke again, I tried to talk with her a couple times, but she shut me out. A couple years later my father was on his death bed, and my siblings said that I needed to go see him, and that no one would give me a problem. My husband, and I went down, we only stayed a short time. My father abused me also but physically, and sexually, and he always did what my mother wanted. Anyway my father apologized but I don't know if it was for the abuse, or for the will. I have my own house, paid for, and 6 akers, not a mobile home on a plot, so I didn't need, or want anything from them, except to know they loved me. I dough they ever did, and I will never find that out. When my father passed I cried once but that was all. Now I don't feel anything for them.
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starryprince
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Wise Elder
Buffy01
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461
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#90
Quote:
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katydid777, RoxanneToto
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New Member
iwantout79
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Member Since: Dec 2021
Location: scottsdale
Posts: 6
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#91
Hi I am the youngest in a family of 5
my older brother died I thought I was going to to explode complicated grief they label it then my dad died slowly of cancer a counselor told me I was not dying duh but it was nice to hear brother did not go to memorial father did not go to say goodbye but went to memorial btw my family is toxic they are codependent esp remaining brother mom and sister in law ok so now this might help my mom broke her efemur recently long story short recently I thought she was dead for bout 3 days until I heard back from her, During that time I do dream work to keep my authenticity in tact btw I dreamed of purple flowers got that interpreted and it was a dream of my highest self of my growth and glory andy royalty all good things my mom and me are in a toxic relationship my mom is dead to me already as well even before I thought she was and the dream so because of the dream I am actually looking forward to her dropping dead for many reasons no more toxic and only good things lie ahead!! i hope this helps are there any counselors in here? to give us a professional opinion? thanks |
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
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#92
My covert abusive, narc alcoholic dad (also semi-secretly hated women) died in the summer, after having an accident and spending over 2 months in hospital. Although my mum also behaves in a mildly toxic manner at times that means I can’t get too close to her, I’m glad she outlived him. She’s sad that he’s gone, but I think her life has been made easier in some ways.
When I first heard he had the accident, he was unconscious in the hospital and I hoped then it was bad enough for him to slip away. After a while it became obvious that he’d never be the same again and would need full time care if he came home, but he deteriorated suddenly in the end. I have had a few complicated feelings to process, but while I didn’t celebrate, I never went into mourning either. |
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Buffy01
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461
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#93
Quote:
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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RoxanneToto
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