[ramsdekm]

I grew up in an abusive home and a few years ago I decided to sever ties with my mother as she was the one who did the majority of the abuse. I have noticed a huge difference in how I feel without the worry of having any interaction with her. It does, however, make it difficult during the holidays, when you are supposed to be around family. Having to explain to my children why grandma does not send them presents. The empty feeling I have inside because I basically have no family(besides my wifes) to share christmas with. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Sannah]

My children know about my mother. I don't keep it a secret. I also spend Christmas with my husband and children and this is enough for me. Are you mourning the family that you wished that you had?

[ramsdekm]

I am missing the family that is associated with my mother. When I severed ties with my mother, I also, in a way, severed ties with them. It is this time of year where I miss them the most, but they have not made an attempt to contact me nor do they seem to want to understand why I had to end the relationship with my mother. They have shown no interest in my family or myself. But they still are my family, and I do miss them. It is just not the same with my wife's family. They are great, very supportive of me, but the bond is just not the same.

[Typo]

(((((((((ramsdekm))))))))))))

first off you should be very proud of yourself for cutting ties with someone that was an abuser and caused you so much pain, I can only imagine how diffcult it is, but I know it is a big step to do so.

I am sorry you feel so alone and you miss your family this time of year. Is there anyway you could contact the family not associated with your mother and try and explain what happened? I would excersice great caution with this though as it could reopen ties with your mother.

Maybe to help you could do special activities with your wife and children, new traditions to help fill in the ones lost, it sounds like you are going through a grieving period over the loss of ties with your family, and that is okay, it's okay to grieve that and feel the loss of it, are you working with a therapist or counselor on this?

wishing you the best and keep us all updated
Typo

[ramsdekm]

I do not think it would be wise to open the ties with my family. As much as it hurts me to not have them around during the holidays, I think it would be much worse if they were around. Maybe someday when I am in a stronger place, but for now, it is the best decision for myself and for my family. But it is still difficult.

[Typo]

((((((((Ramsdekm))))))))))

[Sannah]

So you enjoyed the rest of the family?

[geez]

(((ramsdekn))) I spend Christmas day with my kids and my husband and that's it. I see my family throughout the year but to have certain family members over on Christmas day is too painful and will never happen (they are no longer welcome in my home). My husbands family is amazing! - they are kind, loving, generous and thoughtful people. I try to focus on what I do have. It can be hard though. It feels like there's a piece of me that's missing and that's what needs to stay missing for me to be safe.

[ramsdekm]

I tolerate the rest of my family. I do have some anger issues towards some of them. But, they are my family, and I do miss them. And this time of the year it is more difficult than others. Maybe because it is the only time of the year where I would feel any sort of love from my mother and family. And, I think no matter how much abuse I received from my mother, I would still bask in any type of love she gave me, which would really only come during the holidays. But it was not real love. She wanted the rest of the family to think she was a good mother, that she loved me, to pull the wool over everyone's eyes.

[Sannah]

So you are missing what you don't have but it doesn't sound like you were getting what you needed/wanted from this family anyway? I filled my holes that I found in my life and now I never miss what I didn't have then because I have it now.