[Sanada]

hello. when i was a kid my father used to beat my mother very badly( throw her down stairs, punching, lots of blood), he was crazy. when she died it turned to me(i was already happening but it got worse), i was thrown countless times down stairs(i was only 7), beatings till i was so brusied i got kept off school. it went on for years( abt 10-15), i ended up being very ill, i would trance out and get fevers for whole summers. How do i deal with any anger about this..............................also please could any one tell me how to save a thread to memory before i post, i've lost to many posts, its driving me crazy when i write, then the next page cannot be served cause i have crap internet conection thanks sanada.xx.x.

[Splintered]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Are you seeing a therapist or anyone you can talk to about what happened? I don't think I could even begin to process any of these feelings and memories without having some support and guidance from someone who knows how to deal with this kind of stuff.

Maybe you could type your posts in a word document, save them there and then cut and paste them here. I don't think there's any way to save them on here.

[turquoisesea]

If you ever need to find a post, you can also go to your profile, click on statistics, and "find all threads" (or post if it's a reply to something). Might take your internet connection a bit to get there but you can always find it that way. And splintered is right you can always save it on your personal computer if you want your own text.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I agree that processing these things is a huge task, because you were so hurt over such a long period of time, so if you could see a therapist I think that could help.

[insightunseen]

as i wrote in another reply, i believe anger is healthy to a degree because it validates our rights as people worthy to be safe and not abused. anger can mobilize us to fight injustice later in life, and to keep our boundaries as adults that were trampled as children.
and especially for you, when the violence was so severe as to actually make you wonder if you would be permanently hurt or disabled, anger rises up as a noble, if belated, form of self protection. we can be empowered that we are strong and channel the anger into a relentless fight to recover. it worked for me.
once i identified "what do i think will happen when i am angry?" i stopped fearing my anger. my fear was i would lose relationships if i was an angry person. so i resolved to vent my anger in therapy, with exercise, by beating a pillow on a bed, by journaling, and even by writing a book. i hunkered down for the long haul with my therapist, accepted my anger as my right, and worked it through week by week.
you have every right to be furious. i share your outrage.

[roses4me]

also please could any one tell me how to save a thread

sometimes I get really frustrated with this too.
really tired of computer eating my posts

you can save it after you write a few lines or a paragraph
then edit it (add another paragraph)
save it
edit it to add stuff
save it etc

this way you don't lose the whole post

hope this helps

roses
ps sad about your childhood and continued struggles

[anthonytovar10]

hey sanada
I can relate to your problem, but this was not by my father, it was by my mother, as a child we are defense less, and people have a tendecy of taking their problems on the defenseless and nieve children, (deep sympathy for your mom) and I hope your out of your father home, I dont have much advise, but when I was a teen, I took up the sport of boxing, it help face the fear of getting hit, and it also taught me how to deal with my anger and frustation in my life and it also has a plus it taught me, how to defend myslef, I can say I thank god for showing me the way, he did answer my prayer. If it wasnt for boxing, i would not know where i would be today. I hope this helps, if boxing is not your choice, try running, i used to run for miles, and after words I felt great. The thing is not to use your anger to hurt people like we both have been through, but to learn how to control it.

Originally Posted by Sanada

hello. when i was a kid my father used to beat my mother very badly( throw her down stairs, punching, lots of blood), he was crazy. when she died it turned to me(i was already happening but it got worse), i was thrown countless times down stairs(i was only 7), beatings till i was so brusied i got kept off school. it went on for years( abt 10-15), i ended up being very ill, i would trance out and get fevers for whole summers. How do i deal with any anger about this..............................also please could any one tell me how to save a thread to memory before i post, i've lost to many posts, its driving me crazy when i write, then the next page cannot be served cause i have crap internet conection thanks sanada.xx.x.

[Can't Stop Crying]

sorry this happened to you!