Tough, Childhood, seeking advise

Hi everyone,
I need to let this out, hopefully someone is listening, I can say I had a hard life (not as in a bad boy, that every girl looks for), but in a emotinal, physical, and psychological aspect. I was raised in a family, who where not really my family, my father was an alcoholic and was never around, my mother (forgive my speech was a *&^, she was more intersted in letting another man into her life, instead of her children. Eventually, my parents would get in a divorce, (that would just #$%@ up my life).Before my parents were divorced, as a child I always felt different, that their was something wrong in my life, I was always being miss treated by my mom, to this day i could rememebr the things my mom would say and do to me. As they divorced, we moved to another state, I found out that I was adopted at the age of 12, at that instant i was transformed, to a rebelious teenager. Through all my life I never had an emotional comfort, I never felt loved. Especially by my mom the person I needed most.
I believe that is my struggle till this day, maybe that why I dont know how to have a relationship. Through all my life I just wanted to be loved and when I do receive it, I dont accept it, because I feel that I dont desreve it. Im 33 old, and I feel that I havent had the experience like i should, I feel that somewhere in life I was roobed of my life, and know I have a big gap, that know Im trying to make up.
As I got older I realized alot of thing in my life, but I dont want to hurt anyone in my life, emotinally, people do not understand what i have been through. I have more to say about me and I hope I can finally have some one to listen to me and actually care about me. Please tell me Im doing the right thing. And if so I need some advise. thank you

I think intellectually you have really done a good analysis
I am saddened by what you went through and the things that weren't in you life
I think a therapist would help.
I have had several... one who concentrated on ptsd another on surviving abuse another for anxiety etc
It is hard to keep your past from sabataging your present.
roses

Hi Anthony, welcome to PC. A mother's love is very important. I'm sorry that you didn't get what you needed while growing up (I didn't either). I think that you can grow beyond this and heal, however. I did. Is getting a therapist an option? It made a huge, huge difference in my life.

Hi and welcome. I have really benefited from posting on this site. There are some really supportive people on here and there always seems to be someone to listen and care about what you have to say - so yes it sounds like a good thing you have done in signing up on here.

I agree...letting it out can bring relief and support!

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
~ Maya Angelou