[life.is.lost]

Hi. I was wondering if this would be considered abuse, or if it's just normal parent stuff.

• When I was in 4th grade I would ask my parents for help with homework. My dad always made me cry and feel stupid because he thought I should just know the stuff. He would get mad if I answered anything wrong.
• My mom locked me in my bedroom and didn't let me out until I learned how to tie my shoes.
• My sister and I were horsing around in the basement and she fell and got hurt. I ran upstairs to get help and my dad grabbed my by the collar of my shirt in his fist and pulled up. He growled something along the lines of "What did you do?" I remember this because it really scared me and I ran up to my room to hide and cry.
• When I was in middle school my mom would always comment on my weight. Once she said I looked like "a stuffed sausage" and needed to lose a lot.
• I feel like I cannot talk to them about anything because I'm afraid they will criticize me.
• My mom will sometimes come into my room and throw things away that she thinks I don't need anymore.
• My dad always blames my sister and I for the money problems we are having now. We don't ask for anything, and both have jobs. How are we the problem? Of course we live with them, but it's not like we are asking for money all of the time.
• I wasn't allowed to cry in front of anyone. If I started crying they would punish me and send me to my room. To this day, I can't cry if there are other people around.
• I can't remember the last time my father said he loves me, or even that he's proud. He has never hugged me.

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate all responses. (:

[Open Eyes]

You had parents that did not know how to express love and appreciation for children.
Most likely they should not have had children and they probably didn't get much love themselves growing up.

I would say they did not fulfill their obligation to support you and make you feel loved and safe. But you have to remember that most parents only parent what they know and from their own life experiences, there is no demand on them to truely learn how to raise a child.

If anything, when you have your own children one day, remember to love and support them unconditionally.

Open Eyes

[Sannah]

Hi Life, sounds like your dad is a bit uptight to say the least. Your mom doesn't know anything about boundaries (her coming into your room and throwing your stuff away). Not allowing you to cry was extremely not helpful. This is just the tip of the iceberg, however. They must have curtailed your emotional development in all sorts of ways because they aren't emotionally developed. You can develop emotionally as an adult. Any chance you can get a therapist to help you?

Welcome to PC.

[life.is.lost]

I do go to a therapist now, but I haven't been there in a while. My mom says I shouldn't go anymore because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with me.

[SoupDragon]

Abuse is such an emotive term and from my own exploration of things, I think although it can sometimes be important for this term to be used particularly in empowering those who have been abused, other times labels aren't helpful.

A definition from a google search is:

Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does.

So I am not sure if you feel your own experience fits into this?

Regardless, it sounds as if there are some things that are bothering you and I wonder if there is anyway that you can get to see your T again?

Let us know how you get on - Soup

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by life.is.lost

I do go to a therapist now, but I haven't been there in a while. My mom says I shouldn't go anymore because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with me.

Tell her to put that in writing so you can show it to your therapist.

Definitely continue therapy and maybe down the road, as the therapist will clearly see what you are not getting (and I agree with the personal boundary violation) you can get him to request a meeting with your mother with that note on his desk.

You DO deserve your personal boundaries and you also deserve good councel.

Open Eyes

[life.is.lost]

Thanks everyone, I will definitely use your advice. (:

I will tell my mom that I *have to go see my T, and I hope she listens.

As for the definition, I sort of see it as what I am going through, because they do constantly criticize me. But my dad is living in a different city now, so I ony have to deal with him on weekends.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I am glad you posted and hope you are able to get back in to see your therapist.
I do think that what you went through was/is a form of emotional abuse and I think there are a lot of boundary crossing issues on your mother's/father's part. Your mother's comments about your weight is verbal abuse, in my opinion and can be very damaging.
When you see your T, try to tell him/her everything that you posted here. Please post again and let us know how you are doing!

[Mediator]

Originally Posted by life.is.lost

Hi. I was wondering if this would be considered abuse, or if it's just normal parent stuff.

• When I was in 4th grade I would ask my parents for help with homework. My dad always made me cry and feel stupid because he thought I should just know the stuff. He would get mad if I answered anything wrong.
• My mom locked me in my bedroom and didn't let me out until I learned how to tie my shoes.
• My sister and I were horsing around in the basement and she fell and got hurt. I ran upstairs to get help and my dad grabbed my by the collar of my shirt in his fist and pulled up. He growled something along the lines of "What did you do?" I remember this because it really scared me and I ran up to my room to hide and cry.
• When I was in middle school my mom would always comment on my weight. Once she said I looked like "a stuffed sausage" and needed to lose a lot.
• I feel like I cannot talk to them about anything because I'm afraid they will criticize me.
• My mom will sometimes come into my room and throw things away that she thinks I don't need anymore.
• My dad always blames my sister and I for the money problems we are having now. We don't ask for anything, and both have jobs. How are we the problem? Of course we live with them, but it's not like we are asking for money all of the time.
• I wasn't allowed to cry in front of anyone. If I started crying they would punish me and send me to my room. To this day, I can't cry if there are other people around.
• I can't remember the last time my father said he loves me, or even that he's proud. He has never hugged me.

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate all responses. (:

Did you write about my parents?

my father hit me if I replied wrong what was the letter (when I learnt to read)
my mother liked to tell me that i do not look after myself
if I cried my father told me that he will hit me to know why to cry
my mother complains that it was a lot of work with me
my older brother was abusive to me and I loved him
my mother even laughed at me that I need to go to psychiatrist because I bit my nails but she did not go with me to anywhere

I do not want tell you that you should let us to be spoiled child opposite they should teach me to look after me to become a responsible adult with love.
They did not love me and they used me to be for their pleasure and I played them a theatre as a child. I am now writing about the child game that children do as a performance.
Now I am crying about it.

But we have just one chance to go through it and to be adult and responsible for ourself.

[life.is.lost]

Mediator, I'm sorry you went through that. I appreciate your courage in posting your experience. Hopefully the both of us can move past what our parents did and try to be functioning adults. (: