Parents can and do abuse their children daily but this topic usually gets ignored, like the emotional abuse.

As a child, if your parents were extremely critical and invalidating the scars can be as deep as those of children who were hit.

The emotional abuse I endured as a child affects ever single relationship I have and has caused such turmoil. Sometimes I almost wish I was hit instead, then, at least I'd have proof of my pain.

And don't expect your parents to say "Oh yeah, I was very emotionally abusive to you."

That aint happening.

[sorrel]

I agree.

[Christine08]

Hi.
I agree with every single word, some things that hurt us emotionally like bullying could leave a scar as deep as being hurt physically. It hurts when no one understands or want to see that and just ignore it and you have to endure everything on your own.

I hope you can one day forget all the pain. As i hope too =/

Thank you for the post. It really helps to see that someone else understands

Originally Posted by Christine08

Hi.
I agree with every single word, some things that hurt us emotionally like bullying could leave a scar as deep as being hurt physically. It hurts when no one understands or want to see that and just ignore it and you have to endure everything on your own.

I hope you can one day forget all the pain. As i hope too =/

Thank you for the post. It really helps to see that someone else understands

(Hugs Christine)

Bullying leaves many scars, some that never heal.

[beautiful.mess]

The fact that it is ignored in general is crazy-making to me. I question myself and experiences with emotional abuse CONSTANTLY.....like, did that REALLY happens to me because I don't have any "'physical" scars? I'm afraid it's going to take me a LONG TIME....a lifetime, to get through this and admit to myself that I went through what I went through. I will never get over it. It will always be a part of me. UGH.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Originally Posted by KathyLittle

Parents can and do abuse their children daily but this topic usually gets ignored, like the emotional abuse.

As a child, if your parents were extremely critical and invalidating the scars can be as deep as those of children who were hit.

The emotional abuse I endured as a child affects ever single relationship I have and has caused such turmoil. Sometimes I almost wish I was hit instead, then, at least I'd have proof of my pain.

And don't expect your parents to say "Oh yeah, I was very emotionally abusive to you."

That aint happening.

I was emotionally and verbally abused for 10 yrs. it leaves lasting marks that no one else may see but you will always feel. you can get past it but it takes work and love and faith in yourself. its not easy. but its worth the fight. ive come a long way but im still not 'recovered'

no one knew.

[googley]

I agree with you all. It hurts so much but there is no proof. So people discount it. Even when it was making me suicidal.

[violinm9]

I would like to know when I'll know I have giotten over the damage that my parents did to me with their verbal and physical abuse. Will I ever be able to say, "I'm my own person now and they can rot in their graves". Dad died Dec. 10, 2010 and Mom died October 11, 1992. I have missed out on a lot in life because of my illness. I aim to make up for lost time. I am a lot better, but still not perfectly balanced. Or in other words, I can't say that I'm not sick anymore. I have a long history of depression, anxiety and self-injury and have been in and out of the hospital from about 2003 to 2010. It's been harrowing and I resolve never to have to go the hospital again. I just want to be "normal" or maybe "functional" is more the word - more highly functional - I do have strengths. Does it make sense that I should build on those. Any thoughts on all this would be greatly appreciated. It helps me to put my thoughts and feelings into words for you all to see. Thanks.

So right. Especially that last sentence. No, the emotional abuser is never going to admit having abused you. Instead, the emotional abuser will simply point to the fact that he/she did not do extreme things like starve you lock you in a closet, so what are you complaining about? You're being oversensitive, and besides, it's not healthy to hold a grudge. In other words, more emotional abuse, this time in the form of invalidating, making it your fault.

When I was being bullied, adults never believed me. Finally one day, someone hit me just right and I had a spectacular nosebleed. The school nurses were freaked out by my big grin, but I was just so happy that I could PROVE something!

Unfortunately, adults are much better at hiding abuse of all types, both from the world and themselves. Seek out knowledge about how healthy families work, so that you can recognize the unhealthy. Constantly reinforce this knowledge. It will help you to beat down that inner voice that's actually your abuser, and that tells you you're crazy, you're unworthy, you're the problem and so on.

The voice that's YOU knows better!

Originally Posted by ThroughTheFire

When I was being bullied, adults never believed me. Finally one day, someone hit me just right and I had a spectacular nosebleed. The school nurses were freaked out by my big grin, but I was just so happy that I could PROVE something!

Unfortunately, adults are much better at hiding abuse of all types, both from the world and themselves. Seek out knowledge about how healthy families work, so that you can recognize the unhealthy. Constantly reinforce this knowledge. It will help you to beat down that inner voice that's actually your abuser, and that tells you you're crazy, you're unworthy, you're the problem and so on.

The voice that's YOU knows better!

My brother used to give me nosebleeds. Then he'd outright lie, and say no, he didn't hit me. I had been picking my nose.

And the adults believed him. Sigh.

Sorry to hear that. Since a blow to the face is the most likely explanation for a nosebleed, it sounds like one or more of the adults had denial issues.

If things didn't go further than punches to the nose, you may be able to get one or more of the adults to recognize their mistake, now that you're also an adult. And maybe that will provide some closure for you. Just be emotionally prepared in case they cling to denial. (Which is likely.) It's not your problem. It's theirs.

Thanks very much for the support, TTF. I tried a while back. They clung to their denial. I gave up. Now I don't have contact with them, but I'm OK with that.

More accurately, it's dismissal and minimizing rather than outright denial. They don't deny that the things happened, but it "wasn't that bad," and I "should be over it by now."

Yeah, I've heard those. And a lot of others. But distance makes the heart grow more acclimated.

There's still hope that, at some point, they won't be able to deny things to themselves anymore. (Especially once they get into their late 60s.) Then they'll want to ask for forgiveness and cry on your shoulder. It's up to you whether or not you provide them with that shoulder, but it can have its rewards.

I recently spent the best time I've ever had with my mom, letting her cry it out and then spoiling ourselves with fun times and good food to make up for it.

[RubenRawr]

i have been very sick many times and it feels like my father is getting tired of me.
I feel bad for being a burden to them but there's nothing I can do about it

[time2change]

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto