[Menocide]

I hate my step father. Anyone who sees him with his family would think he's such a great father, but I hate him. He's not the regular abusive type; he's too smart for that. He's normal much of the time (especially in public), but when he gets angry, he explodes. Although he's never hit me, he's done it to my younger sister and my mother and I feel so helpless to change things. I want to hurt him sometimes, but I'm too weak. Sometimes I want to kill him...

Now, the reason why it's hard for me to condemn him totally is because he's had a terrible childhood full of domestic abuse towards himself and between his parents and he's suffered through sexual molestation from a babysitter as a child and from his own uncle, which his mother didn't believe at first. Also, his sister drowned at 14 years old, which screwed him up as an adult, too. God knows he's damaged and it is definitely a miracle that he's not worse. Even still, I think his actions are unforgivable.

He's the egotistical macho sort. The type who talks about themselves a lot and thinks that anything good that my sisters and I have done is because of him and anything bad is from my mother (which is a complete lie because I spent 8 good years alone with my mom). He's constantly verbally abusive, trying to make my mom feel like a piece of **** if she doesn't do exactly what he wants her to do. He tries to control the way she thinks and what she feels doesn't matter. This is why she is helpless when it comes to my sister, who I will get to shortly.

Sometimes, when my parents fight over money and his business, he hurts her physically (nevermind his constant verbal insults) and breaks a lot of things in the house that I've had to clean up. This includes things such as smashing his cellphone and my mother's cell phone and then demanding she buy new ones even when we don't have the money, as well as another time he took a standing lamp and broke it so that he could stab the walls repeatedly with it, to name a few.

He never leaves a mark on my mom's face except for once, when I was too young to remember. That was because he thought she was having an affair with his friend (and I've found evidence on my own computer that he's had an online cyber affair with some woman named Deb Wong). Just now, because my sister didn't play too well at her tennis practice, he's spanked her, yelled at her, grabbed her hair and made her do probably 20 sets of fast pas chassés (along with yelling at my mom because she told him to stop). This isn't the first time, nor was it even the worst. I'm afraid for her psychological health. She's already nervous enough as it is.

Now, I understand that he wants her to do well and perhaps become a professional tennis player, but she's only 9 years old. He may have good intentions, but I refuse to believe that what he's doing is right... Or am I wrong to think so?

As for why we put up with this: my mom's tried to leave him several times, but he plays mind games so that she ends up staying with him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to ignore it and just do well in school, but it's hard feigning apathy when it hurts to see and hear all this constant drama, powerless to change anything.

[Ardmore]

You aren't wrong to think so, he is very abusive and from my own personal experience, he will not change.

Do you have anywhere eles to go, have you tried calling the police?

I hope you are well and strong.

[lynn P.]

I agree - your stepfather is emotionally and physically abusive. Hitting is wrong no matter what. To hit a child for not doing well at her sport is absurd. Next time he loses his temper call 911 so he'll have to explain this to the police. You can also tell your school principal all these details and they'll call child services. Your mother needs to get away from this man - he needs serious therapy and I highly doubt this will fix him. There are no excuses for his behavior.

[Sannah]

I'm so sorry that you and your mom and sister have to put up with this. I can tell that you love your mom and sister a lot. Something definitely needs to be done. Who can help you convince your mom that HER CHOICE to stay with this man is hurting her and her children?

[Feiticeira]

It may be HER CHOICE to stay in this abusive relationship, but there are a lot of factors that prevent her from leaving. This man is obviously very manipulative and has control issues.

Talking to a teacher/principal/counselor is a good idea. Calling 911 when he begins to rage can help provide proof of his behavior in the future which can come in handy if your mom decides to leave him. If your scared for your safety or your sisters safety, you have every right to protect yourself. If you have any other relatives that you can contact for help or support, you should consider doing so.

While spanking a child (on the rear with open palm only) is legally sanctioned in the US, pulling or grabbing hair definitely is not. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, it's a hotline for children in abusive homes.

[JLarissaDragon]

It is not so easy especially when it involves someone you dearly love and they are too intimidated to defend themselves. If he becomes physically abusive and you are concerned for your safety, you may want to call 911. It will create a hornet's nest, but at least then there is a public record. Also teachers in many states are required by law to report suspected child abuse. It may be a way to get someone to take notice.